But why am I Jessica?
by Lalaland972
Summary: After getting hit by a car, 24 year old Katie now finds herself inhabiting the body of 17 year old Jessica Stanley from the Twilight Series. Katie has found herself in senior year before New Moon takes place. Is she dead, or how will she go home? Why can't Edward read her thoughts and help her? Katie's journey will offer her a new prospective on the books she loved as a teen.
1. Chapter 1

**But why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 1**

I reread what I just typed on my computer screen once again.

My name is Katie Smith. I am 24 years old, and I just graduated with my master's degree in Chemical Engineering. I want to get a cat soon after I get settled in my apartment. For my hobbies, I enjoy running, seeing movies in the theatre, volunteering, and singing.

_This introduction bio is stupid. No one at my new job is going to take me seriously if I send this out on my first day. _I laughed at myself. What I wrote was true but cringe worthy to read on my Mac Laptop. There I was, sitting in my new apartment in Kansas City avoiding what I really needed to do by writing a crummy _and bland _bio that my hiring manager had requested I prepare to send out on my first day of my new job. I knew it was time to suck it up and stop putting off unpacking my boxes. I had just moved in, and I would start at my new job in two days. Luckily, I didn't have a lot of things to move with me when I finished graduate school.

I closed my laptop on the kitchen island. Once again, another distraction came to the forefront of my mind as I found myself wanting to take in my apartment space rather then begin unpacking. It was truly a dream having my own place after all the hard work of enduring six years of college. The white plush carpets, light gray walls, the open space and modern design. It was everything I dreamed of. My life was on the right path. While I wanted to continue enjoying the fruits of my labor, the reality of the situation was that it was getting late on a Saturday night and I just needed to get my shit done.

I decided to start at the top of my pile of boxes. Among the three available to choose from at the top, I snickered to myself when I identified the one to kick things off with. It was an obvious choice to begin with the box labeled, "**Katie's crap**". I smirked at the name. The penmanship and clever naming title could only be credited to my sister. Jenna had helped me pack from my shared apartment in Ohio just yesterday. She was a good sister. I found a box cutter in my tool box and went to work to break the box's seal.

"No!" I exclaimed immediately upon opening the top flaps. I had just set my eyes upon my favorite book in my teenage years, _Twilight_. The memories quickly came flooding back to me. Edward and Bella's _love story _spread out in four books. The rest of the three in the series were stacked underneath the one that started it all.

_Should I donate these to Good Will? Do they even accept books? _

I felt guilty thinking about giving them away, but I really had no use for them anymore. They served their purpose of comforting me during a difficult time in my life, but that was then. I was over it now. Plus, dwelling on it more, I did not idolize the love story between Bella and Edward anymore. The relationship was unrealistic, unhealthy and not appealing. From the few relationships I have had in my life so far, I learned there is a lot more to loving someone then portrayed in the books.

_Oh well, they were a fantasy story. _

I spent the next hour unpacking two additional boxes after "**Katie's Crap**" until I realized, I did not have any toilet paper for my new home. It required immediate attention to be prepared before I actually needed it. I recalled there was a convenience store a few blocks away open 24 hours. I decided to pop in my headphones and listen to my newest playlist on my phone as I made my way to the store. I anticipated it would be a quick trip which was perfect since it was dark outside. Nothing good happens when it is dark outside, or so I am told. I had walked two blocks over from my apartment complex when I finally saw the convenience store across the street. I was delighted the high tempo songs I was listening to kept me on pace for a quick trip. I needed to make more headway in unpacking this evening. I looked both ways before beginning to cross the street after the walking signal flashed at me from across the way. I was almost there.

_I hope the next song on to play is-_

…

"Jessica? Jessica! Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

Hot breath that smelled like coffee polluted the air in front of my face.

_Did I get hit by a car when I was crossing the street?_ _Is that why my head is killing me? _

The pain was excruciating. I could attest it was worse than the hangover I had after my 21st birthday. I lifted my right hand from my side to touch the source of the pain. The lump felt like a decent size. I knew I needed to get up.

_I should go to the hospital to be sure I am okay and call Jenna. _

I needed to open my eyes first though, but I was frightened. Opening them would make my current situation real.

"Jessica just moved her arm," I heard someone say with pride.

"Oh, thank god. Last thing I need is another serious injury in PE to report to the principal. Get up when you're ready Stanley and see the nurse."

_Who the f**k are Jessica and Stanley? And why aren't people concerned about me? Did this driver just mow people down or something?_

The courage to figure out what the hell was going on inspired my eyelids to release their shield around my eyes.

_Where the flying f**k am I?_

My eyes absorbed an environment my brain could not process. The monstrous headache I was battling mixed with the confusion of my new surroundings, was too much for me. All I could take in was a baseball field, lots of teenagers, a manly looking woman next to me, and a gloomy sky before my world went black again.

…

When I came to, I heard light whispering around me. I could not focus my concentration on the words enough to actually understand what was being talked about in the hushed voices.

_Am I brain damaged? Was I hallucinating earlier? _

I prayed to god the next time I opened my eyes, I would be in a hospital bed with Jenna sitting in a chair by my side.

_Maybe she is talking to the doctors now about my condition? _

The thought of seeing my sister again stimulated that part of my brain that allowed my eyelids to try this one more time. _And_…I was let down. **Again**. An encore of "Where the f**k am I?" played right in front of my eyes once more. I was bewildered by my surroundings.

_Do paramedics take patients now to a nearby Urgent Care instead of a hospital?! _

Referring to my current whereabouts as an Urgent Care was a generous description. But, I felt bad comparing it to the ambiance of a nurse's room you would find in a public school. It didn't help that the walls were a salmon pink supported by a dull gray tile. Classic public school nurse's office décor. My bed, or maybe cot, had a hot pink thick fabric cover sheet slightly drawn around my area, for privacy I assumed. I did not understand why they wouldn't pull it all the way around me in that case. I looked across at the wall in front of me and spotted a flu symptoms poster.

_I need to talk to the doctor and get out of here as soon as I can._

"Hello? When can I see the doctor?" I directed my questions to the open room. I hoped the figures masked by the curtain could hear me.

"Jessica don't be rude. You know you are not in a hospital." The manly woman from before was now standing in my view. Her body was thick and muscular. One could almost question if she was a woman, if not for the long hair and light makeup she poorly applied to her face.

_Why will these people not acknowledge me? Where is this Jessica character? Or, are they talking to me?_

"Who is Jessica?" I had to ask. The splitting headache was still present, and I did not have the brain power to figure out the mystery for myself at that moment.

"Are you screwing with me, Stanley?" I looked around the room visible to me. I observed only empty cots aside from mine. I wondered why I could not see Stanley or Jessica.

"I am sorry, I have no idea who this Stanley and Jessica are. I need to see the doctor now though. If you cannot help me get the doctor, I will figure it out myself." I didn't mean to say that so coldly, but I was pissed. I wanted to go home, talk to my sister and finish unpacking.

The other figure popped around from behind the curtain. The lady with bouncy blonde hair was dressed in business casual attire with a white overcoat. I realized the doctor had finally arrived and I started to relax. I knew with the doctor's arrival, my time in the Urgent Care was almost over.

"Jessica, do you not know who you are?" the doctor in the white coat asked me while directly looking in my eyes like she was confident I was "Jessica".

_Why are they calling me Jessica? __I am **really** starting to freak out here despite my poker face. What do I do? Do I claim who I am? Something is not right though... These people look like they know me decently. If I claim who I am, will there be repercussions? I need to figure out what is going on first. I will pretend I have amnesia as "Jessica" and then get the f*** out of here and find Jenna. _

"I am sorry, but I don't know who I am. Is that my name? Is it Jessica?" I asked innocently to the doctor.

"Okay, _now_ this might be reportable to the principal. Shit! Nurse Wright, will she be okay?" the brute woman asked Nurse Wright. Nurse Wright pursed her lips. The fine lines around her mouth were not softened by the action. They became more pronounced on her skin. Her pale blue eyes glistened as she mulled over the question if I was going to be okay. I was sure I was going to be fine physically, once the headache passed. Mentally though, I had my doubts.

"It might be a concussion and temporary amnesia. We should request she be taken to the hospital for a CT scan and an appointment with a doctor. Maybe Dr. Cullen can do it?" Her voice seemed laced with worry. I was in favor of this plan. I could use the opportunity to make my escape.

_I hope this Urgent Care isn't far from the hospital._

The two women nodded in agreement then disappeared behind the curtain once again. I tilted my neck to the left side of my head on the stiff pillow underneath me. It was the only comfortable position I could create to rest my eyes, before they would inform me of my hospital transportation.

I peacefully dozed off believing the misunderstanding of my identity would be cleared up soon enough.

I woke up to hearing, "Yo, Jess-ih-kah. Big Mike is here. I volunteered to take you to the hospital, so I can skip the Calculus quiz Mr. Davis was handing out. Great timing! Heard Bella popped you good with the baseball bat when you were playing catcher in PE. Sorry to hear about that. You will feel better though after I take you over to see a doctor." The cheerful voice belonged to a boyish looking fellow with pale blond hair and clear blue eyes. I may have found him cute if he didn't look underage to me.

_Why is this Big Mike taking me to the hospital? An Uber! I should call one. That reminds me, where is my phone? Ugh, this headache is reducing my ability to think sharp in this situation. I should have thought of this sooner. I can call Jenna and she can explain to everyone who I am. Brilliant! _

I looked at Big Mike. "Can you ask Nurse Wright for my cell? I can just Uber there, no biggie," I informed him happily.

Big Mike immediately laughed at my request. "That hit to the head must have really scrambled your brain, Jess. Your parents took your cellphone away from you a month ago and you still haven't got it back yet. Otherwise we would be talking more outside of school." Big Mike winked at me. It sent shivers down my spine and not in a good way. "And what the heck is an Uber?"

_Maybe Lyft is the popular ride share in Kansas City? And why did this Jessica person have her cell phone taken away by her parents? Can she not afford her own phone and phone plan? She sure is making it difficult for me to get the f**k out of here._

"Or a Lyft. Can I borrow your phone to order one? I can pay you back." Big Mike's brow wrinkled with concern and he shifted his lips in a grimace. His now perplexed expression slightly alarmed me. My hope to make my independent escape died swiftly once Big Mike opened his mouth.

"You are right, Nurse Wright. Something is really off about Jessica. I will take her now." Big Mike's tone was now serious unlike when he first started conversing with me. I sighed and decided to just roll with the circumstances. I would keep up with this Jessica persona until I was checked out at the hospital, and then I would run for the hills. In the moment, it dawned on me I should request to have my personal belongings given to me before Big Mike whisked me away.

"Sure, but before we leave can I have my personal affects returned to me." I secretly hoped my wallet and headphones would help restore my identity. I was weary to think they had my cell phone since Big Mike assured me Jessica did not possess one at the time.

"Jessica, you were in PE. All that stuff is in your locker, and it will be there when you get back. Let's go." Big Mike chastised me like I was a toddler. What he just said did not make sense to me. I was aware that the pounding on my head made my thoughts slow, but it was hard to believe I couldn't even put two and two together to figure out how I ended up in my current circumstance. Big Mike's hand gently peeled away the white soft blanket that had been enveloping my body since I first woke up in the Urgent Care.

I looked down at my clothes and stared in horror. I was wearing a plain gray t-shirt and navy-blue gym shorts.

_Why am I wearing different clothes than what I left my apartment in!? **What is going on?! **_

Big Mike forced me on my feet and out of the bed. Upon standing up, my sense of the world around me was off.

_Where did my height go!?_ _Am I dreaming? _

I pinched up upper left arm. The slight twinge of pain that resulted from the pinch _felt_ real. I reached out and pinched Big Mike's elbow.

"Ow! What was that for?" Big Mike gawked at me like I was a crazy person doing something out of character.

"I wanted to make sure I wasn't dreaming," I stated without hesitation.

"Don't you pinch yourself for that reality check though?" he asked incredulously. His bulged eyes were beginning to return to their normal size.

"It was for good measure to check you out as well." Big Mike smirked now at my response.

"Come on crazy, let's get you fixed up." Big Mike pulled me by my hand out of the room I had spent the last hour or so in. The exit of the room led to a long hallway, similar to a school.

_No way! Are we in a school?_

Big Mike guided me with his hand in mine down the hallway. A loud bell rung through the area as we were only halfway down the hallway to what I presumed was our exit.

"Damn. It's about to get crowded in here. Just keep holding tight Jessica and we will be at my car soon." Big Mike seemed like a decent guy. It escaped me why he was called Big Mike when I assessed his appearance as a boy under 6 feet and of a medium frame. But, I was grateful to have a ride to the hospital to shortly end this nightmare.

We were so close to the exit doors, when Big Mike's name was called. "Mike! Hey, will she be okay? I am so sorry Jessica. I am such a klutz. They should have never let me participate." I looked up slightly from the ground and saw the soft voice of sincerity came from a plain looking girl with chocolate brown hair and matching brown eyes. I didn't know what to say to her, I just wanted to leave and be out of this situation indefinitely. I bobbed my head at her and felt Big Mike's hand tug me forward. "I'll update you later, Bella. She will be fine."

"Make sure my dad sees her. She will be in good care." The next voice came from a boy standing beside the girl. He was _very_ good looking with copper hair and gold eyes. They were a mismatched couple only based on appearances. The way he looked at me, it felt off. At first I wanted to characterize his look as disdain, but it actually appeared to be more like an upset confusion.

_Perhaps he is annoyed I didn't forgive his girlfriend verbally? Who cares! I am **NEVER** going to see these people again. _

"I'll ask if he is on shift when we get there." Big Mike responded sternly to the copper haired boy as he neared us to the exit door. For some reason, I got the vibe they had beef over the girl who beamed Jessica with a baseball bat.

My journey with Big Mike finally had come to an end. He escorted me in his black honda accord to the hospital within five minutes from the school we were at. During those five minutes, it really sank in that I **_was not_** in Kansas City anymore. My current whereabouts resembled the small town feel I experienced during my undergrad education. I could not fathom how I got here, unless I was kidnapped. But there were also other things I couldn't explain to assure myself I was still Katie Smith. The first thing I needed to do in that hospital was look in a god damn mirror.

Big Mike took care of everything when we got inside the tiny hospital. Big Mike being buried in paper work provided me with the perfect opportunity to look myself in the face to this "reality" I was in. I found a single use women's restroom not too far from the front desk. I felt Big Mike's eyes on me as I walked in. After I closed and locked the door, I shut my eyes. I was having trouble of thinking of different scenarios that could play out based on who I saw staring back at myself in the mirror. The headache I was enduring was still messing with my thinking capabilities.

_Just do it, Katie. Once I confront what the hell is going on, I can find a way to get out of this ordeal._

Feeling pumped up after my pep talk, I snapped open my eyes. I took in my appearance with a gasp escaping from my lips. My straight and thin, long black hair was replaced with thick and wavy light brown hair that just passed my shoulder. The eyes gawking back at me were a cerulean blue and not dark brown as they should have been. The frame of my body was more petite, and I was short. I confirmed the short height when I backed up to the measuring marks on the wall. I barely passed 5'1". I should have been 5'6".

_Who the f**k am I? Why am I here? Why don't I look like myself?! _

***Knock* *Knock***

"Jessica, are you okay? You have been in there for a while." Big Mike sounded concerned. I hadn't realized I was in there for a long enough period of time to warrant concern. I decided to put a pin in figuring everything out until my head ceased feeling as if a hammer was being thumped on it constantly. I opened the door and Big Mike's expression softened almost immediately upon seeing me.

"Dr. Cullen is going to see you now. Let's go back to the room they have for you." Big Mike grabbed my hand and ushered me down a series of hallways into a private room with light green walls. Dr. Cullen, a _very_ good looking man, was already waiting for us in the room. I was in disbelief. Usually the situation was the other way around.

The size of lump on my head and other factors made Dr. Cullen believe I did not need a CT scan. While Dr. Cullen continued to examine me, he mentioned his son Edward and his girlfriend Bella. I couldn't place why everything seemed so familiar. These clues were being presented to me, and I did not know how to piece them together. Dr. Cullen was concerned with my lack of familiarity with my surroundings and people. He reviewed the facts for me.

"Your name is Jessica Stanley. You are a senior at Forks High School. You are 17. You are classmates with my son Edward Cullen. This is Mike Newton, a good friend of yours that you've grown up with here in Forks. I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and I have looked after your family for a few years now. Mike can fill you in on more details. I think you have some temporary amnesia from the hit, but I believe you'll recall everything within a few days. Just keep looking for opportunities to familiarize yourself with your life and something will trigger your memories to come back. In the meantime, I am going to prescribe some extra strength pain killers for your headache." Carlisle Cullen smiled at me and I knew I was f**ked.

_I must have been hit and killed…is this my heaven? __But why am I Jessica?__ Should I not be the lead protagonist Bella to live out my teenager heaven dream of being with Edward?!** Why did I have to die?** I was just beginning my adult life! Why am I here after my death? Can I go onto the next phase of heaven? How do I get out of this fresh living hell of Twilight?!_

"Sure, I'll do my best, Dr. Cullen. I am very optimistic. Thank you for your help." I smiled sweetly at him. I had to pretend I was on board with this and then get the hell out of here.

Carlisle rose and left the room after I agreed to come back for another check up in a week. Mike_ f**king_ Newton escorted me out of the hospital and explained it was his duty to take me home. He surprised me though by taking me to pick up my prescription first before he dropped me off. When he parked outside of Jessica's house, I gave him a proper hug as a thank you. As scary as this whole ordeal had been, Mike had been very supportive.

As soon as his car was out of sight, I booked it down the street. I had no idea where the hell I was going. A major driving force of my break for it was that I was partially concerned I was going to find out I was in a "Wayward Pines" novel situation with no roads leading out of Forks, Washington.

I never got to find out though. I had run raggedly for over an hour, this body was not as cardio equipped as I was used to, until a silver Volvo cut off my path._ Oh you got to be kidding me. Edward Cullen is here?_

The driver's side window rolled down. "Jessica, a lot of people have been looking for you. They are concerned."

_Oh god, I am living in a Wayward Pines novel! They won't let me escape! _

I didn't respond and dashed off the road into the woods nearby. My adrenaline drove the body I inhabited forward despite its protest it was not capable. "Don't make this difficult, please." Edward's voice called after me.

_F**k him. I am escaping or will die trying._

I wondered if it would piss him off hearing my thoughts.

_**Wait!** He could help me? He could look into my thoughts and see I am **NOT** Jessica f**king Stanley from the Twilight Books. _

I stopped running and held out hope that my teenage fictional crush could ultimately be my savior. I turned around to face Edward as he walked closer to where I was standing. I did my best to project all the thoughts of my real identity towards him.

"You ready? Let's go." I didn't understand the annoyance reverberating in his tone.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?! Don't you know now?" I yelled in anguish as I threw my arms up in the air. I secretly begged him to acknowledge he knew I was Katie. But if he knew... he gave no indication to me. I could only presume that he had to ignore I was Katie because then he would reveal he was a vampire to me.

"_**Look**_, I know you hit your head and things are confusing to you right now. Carlisle explained it to me." Exasperation was evident in Edward's steel cut words. I crossed my arms across my chest in a defensive strike.

"_Hey_, isn't that a breach of patient and doctor confidentiality? He shouldn't be telling you that!" I was bewildered I could ever think of Edward as some god-like man to love once. I felt some bile trail up in the back of my throat at the mere thought of it.

"Everyone knows, Jessica. The high school is small; any news spreads fast. **_God, I wish I knew what_ you were thinking!**" Edward shouted in frustration. My body flinched.

_Can he not read my mind? What the f**k is going on?_

* * *

_Author's Note: I have two other stories I am wrapping up, but this fun idea came to me today. If you think it is worth pursing when I wrap up the other two stories next month, let me know with a review!_

_9.12.19: Made some edits/updates to text._

_4.25.19: Minor updates to text. Separated out internal italic thoughts into their own paragraph._


	2. Chapter 2

**But why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 2**

Nothing made sense to me. Was I in some sort of alternate "_alternate_" Twilight universe where Edward was not a vampire? My head was beginning to feel woozy. The pain, I had been tolerating. The wooziness though, it was on a whole other level. The world around me literally was spinning. My own stupidity in that moment struck me with awe.

"Water," I demanded to Edward. A mystified expression creeped its way on Edward's face. A faint grunt fled his lips before he turned away from me and opened the driver side door of his Volvo. He rummaged in the front and back seats before he pulled out a plastic water bottle depleted of half of its contents.

"This is all I have. Bella was drinking it." He tossed the plastic water bottle to me and I fell to the ground reaching forward to catch it. Edward motioned toward me. He was not close enough to break my fall in time- perhaps with his vampire speed he could have.

_But (A), he won't reveal to me he is one obviously or (B) maybe he is not a vampire?_

If he could read my thoughts, he would know I knew. I would think on that more later. I waved off Edward's _gesture _to help me up. It felt nice to sit. I set the water bottle on the soil and plunged my hand under my t-shirt into my sports bra. Between Mike dropping me off and running _possibly _4ish miles_,_I stuffed the plastic packet of poppable pain killer pills Carlisle had graciously prescribed for me in my sports bra.

_It made sense at the time. _

Edward looked away immediately from me as I fished out my pills. "Ah-ha!" I exclaimed aloud to myself. Edward's head shifted back in my direction; he stared at me oddly. But the f**ks I gave in that moment were zero. I peeled back the foil layer to the pill that would hopefully save my head and popped it out. As soon as the pill was in my mouth, I picked up the water bottle and made direct eye contact with Edward. "Cheers." That was all the thanks he was going to get from me. I chugged the remaining water in mere seconds.

"Can I take you home now?" Edward pleaded with me. His plead was more on the annoyance side though than the pleading side of desperation.

_What do I do? Where do I go from here? My head still hurts, but at least resting has alleviated this body from feeling off kilter._

"On one condition." If Edward truly intended on taking me home, he was going to need to accept or negotiate with me the terms I needed to be met before I stepped in his _stupid_ Volvo.

"Lay it on me." I weighed the options of what was the most important information to collect at that moment.

"Drive me one mile outside of Forks. Then we can turn around and you can drop me off at my house." I needed to know if this reality was a limited world or was there still life going on like normal everywhere else in the world. Learning that piece of information was essential to carve a path for many more questions to come.

"Do I want to ask?" The tone of his question was curious _but _irritated. I remembered he was not the biggest Jessica fan in the books. So, if he _was_ a vampire… I could understand his frustration if he could not read my thoughts and the fact that I was pulling some abnormal stunts for the small town of Forks.

"Even if you did, I don't care to explain. If you accept, let's roll," I commanded in a fake chipper voice. Edward held a firm face of displeasure and nodded his head.

_All for the better he doesn't ask or know more. I have concluded he is __pretty useless__ towards my goal of getting out of this…dream/heaven/hell/fictional universe or wherever I am._

Once again, Edward offered me his hand to pull me up. I swatted it away and _barely_ stood up by myself. The effort to find the strength in my legs and knees were rather pitiful, but I did out of sheer force of determination. I stood tall at my 5'1" stature and marched to his car. He followed suit.

Edward didn't rebuke me for passing up on sitting in the front seat and taking the right back seat in the Volvo. He did as he promised and drove me a mile out of Forks. I happily watched the "Goodbye! You are now leaving Forks. :(" sign fade in the rear-view mirror. I also clocked the mile meter on his dashboard to make sure he didn't short change of my mile outside of Forks request.

When we passed the mile marker, Edward turned to me and asked, "Are you satisfied, or would you like to stretch it out another mile or two before we turn around?"

I was taken aback by his offer. Based on his tone in the woods, I assumed he would not budge on going any further than my original abnormal request. I didn't let myself be so easily impressed for long though.

"This will do. Thank you for asking."

_I now have proof I am not in a Wayward Pine's Novel inescapable town. Thank god! But…this now leads me to more questions than if I had been. I will think on this more later. The medicine is slowly kicking in, but it needs more time for me to really feel the effect._

I was weary of the fate awaiting me after the ride back to Jessica's house. Despite that worry though, I eventually caved in to the comfortable atmosphere and allowed the classical music playing in Edward Cullen's car to softly lull me into giving in to "my" body's demand of rest.

"Jessica. We are here." A voice called to me from my sleep.

"Jenna? Am I home now?" my voice groggily called out as I was waking from a dream of being stuck in a Twilight Universe.

"It's Edward. We are at your house now." My eyes quickly fluttered open and forced me to accept I was not out of the Twilight Zone after all. Edward's pale face was unnecessarily 6 inches away from mine as he was waking me up. I cursed Stephenie Meyer's name in that very moment. Every detail she used to describe Edward in the book was now staring me in the face all too closely. The stupid high cheek bones, the strong jawline, his full beautiful lips, and the dreamy golden eyes that you were supposed to lose yourself in. To top it off, he smelled great too. His physical perfection vexed me.

I would keep my composure though. I would not make the same mistake as Bella who fawned, drooled, bit her lip and did all that hoopla over Edward's beauty. Beauty was only skin deep after all.

"Of course. Came out of a weird dream. The headache may have played a part. Thanks for the lift. And…the water. I appreciate you going out of your way to find me and bring me home." It took courage for me to say thank you, but I knew it was the right thing to do. He did not have to find me after all. I assumed Carlisle had put him up to it. I was not sure when they figured out I didn't head inside Jessica's house after all when Mike dropped me off.

_Could Alice have told them with a premonition? Nooooooooo, Katie. Let's not be dumb. Assume they are __not __vampires until evidence contradicts this assertion. Easy enough! And….__**preferred**__!_

Edward backed out of the side passenger doorway so I could get up and exit his car. "Sure, Jessica. Bella would have felt terrible if something had happened to you as result of her hitting you on the head. She really does feel awful about it." It took a strong sense of self-control to keep myself from uncontrollably laughing. It was a typical Edward move playing out in front of me. Always cleaning up Bella's messes or defending her. I knew I shouldn't fault him for it. It was how his creator made him.

"I'll be just fine. Tell her not to worry, okay?" I decided to throw Edward a bone as he walked me to the front door of Jessica's house. He could make Bella feel better and be out of my hair. It was the least I could do for my parting gift. I planned on being out of here soon. Now if the real Jessica came back and wasn't as forgiving, that's a future problem they can deal with.

Edward looked stunned at my response. I couldn't recall if Jessica was not normally this nice. It had been awhile since I read the Twilight saga and Jessica's character was pretty minor to recall a lot of details about. Even if I had remembered it all, I don't think there was a lot of background given on her for me to use as a guide to pretend to be Jessica.

_F**k. Do I proceed with out of character Jessica? OR…do I try to channel frenemy Jessica to Bella? I don't have the will power to be rude right now after Edward just helped me out. I'll make a decision on this later, if it comes to that. __**Please don't though!**_

"Bella will feel relieved knowing you said that. Thank you, Jessica. I will see you at school. Feel better." Edward's smooth voice was too charming. Especially when he was pleasant and not annoyed with me. He flashed me an easy-going smile before he turned away and headed to his Volvo. He watched me from the driver's seat the entire time of me opening the front door, stepping inside, and closing it.

_Why don't they lock their doors? This is dangerous to leave it unlocked. I am confident that the famous episode of "Home" during the 4th __season of the X-files has already aired by this point. Learn lessons people! _

…..

A week had passed in Forks since I first awoke there, and I learned a lot but still had no solution to my existence. Every night I worked on my list of theories to test and compiled the knowledge I had acquired to understand the world I was in. I reviewed my notes and felt disappointed.

1\. Is the rest of the world going on around me? **Confirmed.**

2\. Does a Katie Smith exist in this world? **To be determined. Understandably, the availability of information on the internet is lacking compared to 2019, AND the Stanley household has one computer that everyone shares. Work on a plan to find this out.**

3\. Are the Cullen's vampires? **To be determined. But, in no rush to determine it. Avoiding the Cullen clan is preferable. I want to stay out of the story line all together.**

4\. Is this an afterlife? **Not confident it is. Need to come up with ways to test this.**

5\. Is possible to up and leave Forks? **Possible, yes. I however look like Jessica so I can't resume my life as Katie Smith. Also, I am only "17".**

6\. The year is 2005.

7\. I am in the timeline of New Moon. Bella is four weeks away from turning 18.

My list in prior versions had been longer and less coherent, but I cut out the fat. In the end, I was still left with a heaping mess. Additionally, I had to balance this hidden part of my life with also being "Jessica". I was blundering my impersonation of her to friends and family left and right. On top of trying to get myself, Katie, out of this mess, I had to study to become Jessica to throw off suspicion of her lingering amnesia. Jessica's diary, poorly hidden under her bedroom mattress, helped clue me in on certain aspects of her life. The information was narrow and limited, but I knew it was better than nothing. Luckily, Jessica's parents were very off hands and didn't raise concern with my lack of familiarity with the few conversations we had. However, Jessica's little pest of a brother was a problem. I could tell he knew something was off with me. I avoided him when I could in the house.

Attending Forks High School was _unbearable._ I had just completed SIX YEARS of school. A back to back education with a bachelor's and master's degree in engineering fields. I could hardly stand being in high school classes once again for the minutes I was required to. I was fortunate in that the course levels Jessica was taking were easy enough that they did not require a lot of my attention outside of school. In addition to putting up with classes in my school life, I had to endure the students. I am sure teenage me would have been _just thrilled_ to chum it up with Bella and the gang at school. However, adult me was doing my best to avoid them all. Since arriving at school, I ate lunch in the library everyday where I informed my _friends_ I would be "studying". I claimed I was struggling with Calculus concepts. It was funny to myself to pretend this since I took up to Calculus III and other high mathematics courses for my engineering degrees. Calculus, at the high school level, was in fact a breeze for me. _Thank you engineering degree. _

My second week of school in Forks was not going to be as easy as the first week I was soon to find out. Over the weekend, I had decided to play the role of Jessica as true as I could to stay on course of the story line but with minimizing the _bitchyness_. I soon learned my mere presence in this world had already thrown everything off the right track.

As established the previous week, I spent my lunch period in the library with my face buried deeply in my Calculus textbook. To my advantage, I had picked a plush, single user chair to sit in and read my textbook at eye level with the cover showing to onlookers and hiding my face. It in fact was hiding the Seventeen Magazine I was actually reading. I justified to myself I needed the me time to unwind from the chaos of my reality. The embarrassing stories in the back of the magazine tended to cheer me up when I felt down about my lack of progress. I had just finished reading a cringingly hilarious story about a girl's tampon string showing at a pool party that her crush was attending, when I heard a voice beckon my attention from behind me.

"I didn't realize Seventeen Magazine moved from teenage pop culture features to helping struggling students in Calculus." I cringed when I knew who the light-hearted tone belonged to.

"…Edward. To what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked mockingly.

I shut the textbook without thinking and instantly felt crushed I didn't dog tag the page I was last on in my magazine. I didn't bother to explain myself. I wanted to hear his response first. Edward walked around the chair to face me directly. He sat on the foot stool meant for my comfy chair that I opted to not use. I regretted that now.

"I came to offer you my services in tutoring you in Calculus. You have been one of the top students at the school, possibly our future valedictorian if your class rank holds, and Bella was concerned with your recent struggle to keep up in Calculus. She felt it coincided too coincidentally with the hit to your head. Since I tested out of Calculus, Bella suggested I offer to catch you up in class. However, now I am not so sure you need the help." I could not discern if Edward was being friendly or rude.

_Would he offer his tutoring services if he intended to be rude to me though? __Wait.__ Who gives a shit?_

I was in a dilemma of how to respond. If I admitted I wasn't having trouble, then everyone would want to know why I was lying and skipping lunch with them. If I admitted I was only taking a break from my studying, Edward may pester me more about his tutoring offer.

_Naaaah. Bella put him up to it. IF I refuse, he can tell her he offered but I didn't want his help. He is only here because Bella asked him to be. Not of his own volition. __Duh._

"Chill, Cullen. It is just a study break. I am getting the hang of it though. It's taking more effort than I am used to, but I will be back on top of it eventually. Thanks for the offer but use your free time to spend with your girlfriend." I smiled innocently at him after lying straight to his face.

"Where is your notebook and pencil then? How are you studying if you don't work the problems out?" Edward was killing me.

"I like to first understand the context of the how by reading how the derivations to a formula are created. Yes it is nerdy, but it helps me visualize more of what I am working towards. I read during lunch and do the practice problems in the evening. It's a good system," I explained to him when I should not have needed to. I did my best to make sure my eyes were conveying a 'go away now' look. But he didn't take the hint.

"Interesting method. I have heard worse." Was he being serious or cracking a joke? Honestly, it was hard to tell the difference.

"I am sure you have. Are you intending to take up the rest of my break time, or can I spend my last two minutes reading my magazine before I get back to the boring stuff?" I tried to sound like I wasn't as annoyed as I felt. Edward did not respond right away and just awkwardly stared at me with his golden eyes.

"You are different." My mouth gaped open in response.

_What shit is he trying to pull with me right now? _

I shut my mouth quickly and tilted my head to the side. "I am not sure what you mean. I guess I can admit I have been _a_ _little slow_ since the bonk to the head, but other than that I am still just Jessica Stanley." The way Edward stared at me, I felt like he could see into my soul. He could see Katie chomping at the bit to claim her identity. I knew it was a pipe dream he saw through the facade though.

"Oh! I see Bella by the check-out desk. I bet she is looking for you. This must mean lunch is nearly over. I better pack it in. Go to Bella, we will catch each other later. Thank you for the tutoring offer, but I will turn it around in Calculus on my own." My shoulders relaxed when he rose from the foot stool and walked over to Bella.

My moment of peace did not last long. Upon exiting the library doors into the school's main hallway, Mike Newton intercepted my path.

"Hey Jessica! I feel like I have hardly seen you since you got back. I hope there still isn't any hard feelings since I asked for us to go back to being friends at the end of the summer." Mike nervously assessed my reaction.

_Ah. I had been avoiding him because I didn't know where we stood. At the end of Twilight, Mike and Jessica presumably dated after the prom. I think I recall they were broken up somewhere in the beginning of New Moon before Mike joins Bella and Jacob for the "Face Punch" movie fiasco event._

I gave him a nervous laugh to buy myself time for a reply. Before I could open my mouth, he continued talking to me."To be honest, my ulterior motive for volunteering to take you to the hospital last week was that I wanted to have the opportunity to talk to you again. The cold shoulder you had been giving me up to that point since I ended things was making me uneasy. I want us to remain friends." I snorted. My laughter was now genuine. I forgot how full of himself Mike was portrayed in the books. I could not fathom how Jessica remained a love sick fool for him well into their senior year. The least I could do in her memory was keep her pride intact by not giving Mike an inch more of her affection.

I rolled my shoulders back and channeled a backbone I wish I had with my last boyfriend as Katie Smith. "You know Mike, I think that hit to the head was _very_ beneficial for me. It knocked out all the feelings I ever developed for you in the first place. I am more than happy in this next stage of our relationship to be _only_ and _forever_, just friends. I think we are better off." I flashed a self-assured grin to him before I sauntered down the hallway. I reveled in the fact that while his face remained calm when I spoke to him, it was his eyes that disclosed their disbelief at my response. Knocking Mike Newton down a peg would surely be good for his character. Everyone deserved to be served a slice of humble pie every now and then.

I passed Edward and Bella when walking to my next class. While Bella remained enraptured by Edward's face as she was conversing with him, Edward subtly darted a passing glance at me served with a tentative smile. For a second, I imagined he actually heard me offer a ladder to help Mike off of his pedestal. It was a stupid thought. He was listening to Bella and was being nice to me. _More than he should have though_. He was supposed to not have friendly feelings towards Jessica at all. There was a chance I would need to veer him back on that course again in the future.

When I arrived at Jessica's house after school, I decided to give myself a real break. A taste of normalcy from my previous existence. I was going to go for a run. Jessica's body needed the cardio and I needed to feel control over something that reminded me I was Katie Smith and not Jessica Stanley. When I pilfered through Jessica's closet, it was apparent her only physical activity occurred for 50 minutes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at school. I had to sport the Fork's gym uniform for my running attire. The sneakers available in her closet were not shoes I would have opted for distance running, but they would have to do.

I found a perfect trail that offered a warm-up length through residential areas and switched to a lightly marked path in the woods. If you didn't look for the markers, you would get off course. Already aware of runner's tricks like that to mark trails from experience, I followed all the stacked rocks and forks in the road, and I never went down a path that was deliberately and unnaturally blocked by a log. That run, despite the struggle on Jessica's lungs and fatigue in her legs, was the first time I enjoyed myself in Forks, Washington. I was committed to make running a nightly habit and work Jessica's body into submission that it could become a runner while I inhabited it.

By Thursday I was in a good rhythm of avoiding the circle of friends, "studying" during lunch, working on my exit plan, and keeping up the pretense I was Jessica Stanley. By the time the last bell rung for the school day, I had only vocalized one sentence. I was called upon to answer a question in English over the famous play "Romeo and Juliet". The lead up story line to New Moon was _really_ milking that _star-cross lovers_ set-up between Bella and Edward.

_Boy, I definitely lapped that up when reading that book as a teen. I was so…naïve then._

My fast foot work down the hallways enabled me to evade most of the people that would likely call my name before I left the school grounds. Jessica's friends definitely lagged on their exit when school was over. It was to my advantage though. I was so determined to not let up my pace, I was not paying attention to my surroundings. I ended bumping into Alice Cullen before I could escape through the doors to freedom. It was my first time seeing her up close since I arrived; I was astonished by her beauty. She was every bit the image of a pixy as she was described in the series. I mumbled an apology and tried to step forward. I was prevented from moving anymore by her grip on my shoulder. It was not tight, but stiff enough to halt my body.

"Alice?" I asked her shyly. She vacantly looked me in the eyes and replied, "It doesn't look like it now, but it will rain a lot today." Her expression was strange to say the least. Was she trying to convey a message for me in a metaphor along the lines of staying away from Edward? I was doing my best to avoid him. Apparently, others were not acknowledging that. I couldn't fathom what metaphor the rain could have meant.

_Perhaps it was a veiled threat of a 'reign of terror'?_

I laughed at the ridiculous thought that made no sense and then remembered Alice was still staring at me.

"Good thing I brought an umbrella then." I swerved my school backpack to sit on my chest and proceeded to pull out a travel size umbrella. I enthusiastically waved the light pink umbrella at Alice, thanked her for the warning, and ensued to get the hell out of there.

The rain was lightly drizzling when I arrived at Jessica's house. I ran upstairs and threw on my ordained running outfit. I looked forward to feeling the cool droplets of rain splash my face as I trudged through the damp soil that would cushion each of my steps in the woods. It would be my first run in the rain in a very long time.

I was well over halfway into my run in the woods when the light trickle of rain gushed into a down pour. I negotiated with myself only five more minutes out before I needed to turn back. It was a stupid mistake. On my return path, I came across a huge problem. The once calf deep crossable stream I had first traversed a quarter mile into the woods in the beginning of my run, was now a stream with a heavy flow and an increased water depth. I took two small steps back as I worked on steadying my breath, trying to calm the panic rising in me. I was uncertain if I could walk in it without being swept away or if it was deep enough now, I would have to swim.

The stream's length stretched on for a distance that I pegged to measure out as mile between two good sized hills. I still contemplated searching for a crossable area, but the sun in the cloudy sky was starting to set and I was losing my nerve. I decided to wait out the storm and let the stream's flow calm down.

I didn't know how much time had passed as I waited. No one knew where I was. Jessica's family never asked me where I ran when I would go outside in the evenings. My iPhone could have been helpful at that moment for call service, telling the time and even GPS tracking my run. I had to make do without that lifeline though.

Out of nowhere, a rush of bravery coursed through my veins and I believed I could cross the rushing water. I was just being a chicken about it for some reason. I knew how to swim. Poorly, but I could dog paddle and that propels you forward to say the least.

I didn't allow myself to back out of the notion as I gave myself a running start before I plunged into the water. My feet didn't hit the bottom.

_F**k this short body! Those FIVE inches I lost could have given me a footing in this shitty situation._

The water whirled around me at a force I didn't expect. I hardly could keep my body in one place let alone project myself to the other bank of the stream. I was exerting a lot of energy to stay afloat and to not let the water carry me down its unknown path. My body was reaching its limit of exertion. I lost count of the seconds or minutes I was battling for my life in the water.

_Maybe it wasn't bravery that drove me to jump in?_

On some level, I wondered if my death in this reality would return me to my own world or start me on the next phase of my afterlife. That one question and realization were enough for me to relax my legs and arms. I stopped fighting the inevitable. My body was beginning to submerge when I heard my name called.

"**Jessica!** Jessica, take the branch!" A long and sturdy tree branch was thrust by my head. My hands were within reach if I had pulled them out of the water. I had to act quickly before I could no longer make the reach for it.

But I did not try.

I let myself float past the branch and be completely submerged underwater.

My lungs began to burn. They were starving for oxygen. I let them writhe in pain as I forced my body to release itself from the flight or fight mode that would have attempted to pull me back to the surface of the water.

As I embraced my fate, I saw a white blur draw closer to my face.

_An angel? Is it time?_

As the blur came closer to my view, I could not focus on who or what it was. The lack of oxygen to my lungs and brain was close to wringing the little measure of life I had left in me. The blur did not matter.

….

"Wake up! Wake up, damn it!" My chest was being crushed by a thrusting pressure. In and out, in and out. The pattern of assault would not let up.

My lungs were begging me to take a breath on my own. To stop accepting what was being given to me. My head refused to comply. It was determined it was my time to head to the next phase of this afterlife.

Suddenly, my head lost control of the situation. The pressure ceased in my chest and oxygen was flowing freely from my own inhale and exhale. I was alive.

"Ugh, Edward," I whispered as I opened my eyes. He was sitting next to me with his face buried in his hands. A few feet behind him I spotted Alice and Jasper.

"Why did you not take the branch?!" he demanded from me through gritted teeth. I refused to answer him right away. I considered what Alice and Jasper's presence with Edward here meant. I now knew what I had been denying. They were vampires here in this world after all. Alice had in fact, in her own way, tried to warn me not to go for a run.

"I lost my strength and ability to move. My body was in shock," I lied effortlessly. It stopped surprising me how natural the lies had become in this world to keep up the pretense I was Jessica Stanley.

_I didn't die… I am alive still._

Due to being awestruck by my survival despite giving up, an epiphany came to me. Maybe it was time for me to embrace this new life. This _second_, second chance. First, I had to ensure my family was not in this world. If that was the case, I would accept my new reality for what it was.

Edward wrapped a towel around my shivering body and scooped me up in his arms. I was so cold I could not differentiate between my lowered body temperature from the water and Edward's own cold body as described in the books. I didn't ask why they were there or prepared with a towel. I knew why. Alice had a vision this would happen.

Unlike Bella in Twilight asking Edward every question under the sun about how he was able to save her, I kept my mouth shut. I contemplated if I should ask to be put down, but I was positive my body wouldn't be able to carry me.

_Did they run straight here or bring the car? The car would have meant a slower travel time but would be easy to explain to a human like me._

Despite my thoughts toying around with the "what, when, why, and how" of the arrival of the Cullen's to save me…I did not discount the only noise around us were the creatures in the woods. The silence was unsettling between us all. I didn't know what to say. I am sure they did not either. It was probably best for all parties to go forward with saying nothing.

I looked up at the night sky when the trees were starting to break from blocking the view. The sapphire atmosphere sparkled with stars that shone brightly thanks to the new moon. I laughed at the irony of it. _Of course. "New Moon". _ Edward reacted to my laughter by gripping my body tighter to his chest.

"Is **almost** dying funny to you?" Edward asked me heatedly. His anger stunned me. I could not wrap my head around what I was to him that he cared enough to save my life when Alice had a vision. I thought of a lie to smooth over the situation.

"_Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly. Then your love would also change. _That verse was my answer to a question in my English class today. I was thinking of the trueness of it when looking at the apparent new moon in the sky." My voice was composed as I spoke. If Edward hadn't been holding my shivering body, he would have believed it too. I attempted to crack a joke since the silence was already broken and Jasper was not doing his job of easing the tension surrounding the four of us. "I mean, the line makes sense. Wasn't Romeo so fickle with his deep love for Rosaline that all too quickly transferred to Juliet?"

I looked up at Edward's face. Our faces were only inches apart from one another. His expression had turned to stone. I was honestly surprised he did not respond to me or quip back a different line from Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" to prove he could one up me. I redirected my head to face Alice and Jasper who were walking along side Edward. Alice had a solemn expression on her face and Jasper was of course unreadable aside from the "pained expression" of blood lust Stephenie Meyer described in the books. Jasper almost looked constipated.

_Poor guy._

I was growing frustrated they would not give me anything to go off of.

_Are they mulling over how to explain their arrival to save me? I can save them the effort and pretend to pass out now and stay that way until they return me home. When I see them at school tomorrow, I will pretend I forgot what happened with their saving efforts and let them come up with an elaborate excuse. Hopefully it can be better than Bella's in Twilight where she "fell down __multiple __flights of stairs and crashed through a window". Gag me with a spoon if they come up with something of the same caliber for me._

I shut my eyes and slowed my breathing. I had to make it believable I could sleep despite my body still trembling from the cold. If Edward had a heartbeat, it's rhythm could have possibly helped me actually fall asleep. I faked it the rest of the walk. When they were "100% certain" I was asleep, Edward picked up his speed. We were at Jessica's house in three minutes. I still kept my eyes closed. Jessica's parents answered the door when they knocked, and Edward took me upstairs while Alice and Jasper were left to explain what happened to me.

"I am sorry I was rude earlier; I was just scared. You will be in good care with your parents, they will warm you up. Alice called Carlisle and he said based on your symptoms you can recover just fine at home," Edward whispered in my ear as he carried me to Jessica's room and placed my body on her bed. I honestly was a little weirded out that he knew where to take me without being pointed in the right direction. It was possible he read the minds of Jessica's family. I honestly didn't know how his mind reading talent truly worked. I felt Edward fumble with the sheets on the bed and grumble about all the show pillows he was needing to discard from it. I agreed with his sentiments about Jessica's taste.

When he finished, he picked me up and laid me back down on the bed again. This time underneath me was the soft fitted sheet of Jessica's bed and not the puffy comforter. He replaced the sheets and comforter over my body and tucked them slightly around my small frame. I was left wondering if I was _really_ that good of an actress when pretending to be asleep, or if he relied on reading people's minds so often that he became blind to bad acting because he couldn't read my mind to dispute it.

I heard Edward leave the room. I was ecstatic to become a part of the living world again and dive my body into a steamy hot bath to raise my internal core temperature. I was on the cusp of opening my eyes, when my ears caught a sound I couldn't place.

"Looks like you're actually asleep. I was wondering if I would catch you in the act if I pretended to leave the room. Oh, well." Edward's intended charm was not being perceived by me in that way. A cold hand lightly pressed my forehead and gently swept over to my cheek. I wanted to call him out for acting creepy, but I couldn't risk revealing myself as being awake. I bottled my feelings inside. It would have to be addressed at another time.

Finally, I heard his footsteps growing further away and then they descended the stairs. To take extra precaution, I waited it out still. Soon enough, footsteps echoed in Jessica's bedroom once again.

_Thank god for wood floor in the hallways. I wouldn't hear anyone coming or going with just carpet._

"Oh, sweetie. I cannot believe this happened to you. God bless the Cullen's for being in the right place at the right time to help you," Jessica's mom cooed to me as her voice drew closer. A now warm hand was brushing my forehead and pulled loose strands of my hair behind my ear.

"Mom…?" I used the opportunity to "wake-up" and take the hot bath I desired so badly.

* * *

_Author's Note_: _Thank you too all my reviewers on chapter 1 and those that favorited and followed this story._ _I am happy this idea received positive feedback and gave me courage to keep on going with the idea. Well, what did you think of Chapter 2? Unlike with my other two stories, I don't have a mapped-out plan for writing this one. But! Katie's presence will definitely stir up some trouble for the beloved characters of the Twilight series. – Lalaland972_

_9.12.19 \- Revised/Edits to text made for reading improvement._

_4.25.20 \- Minor revision to texts and separating out internal italic thoughts into separate lines. _


	3. Chapter 3

**But why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 3**

When I woke up the next morning and recalled the events from the night before, I took the pillow underneath my head and brought it over my mouth to muffle my scream.

_I don't understand anything that is going on_. _This does not make sense_. _Granted the events of New Moon started around Bella's birthday and I still have a few weeks before then.._. _I'm beginning to worry my presence here as Jessica is throwing off the story's progression. I mean, __why did Edward save me?__ He could've been acting as a good Samaritan, but the risk is revealing to me he is a vampire. Which I now can confirm from my own knowledge of the Twilight Series but still... He theoretically should not have risked saving me for fear that I would find out he is a vampire. Even Alice and Jasper were there which was abnormal as well. I am __**really **__going to make an effort to keep my distance from them for now on. Wait! Get a hold of yourself, Katie. I need to get a grasp on what my priorities are and interfering with the Twilight story line should not be my top priority. My top priority is to find out if my family is alive in this world. If they are not, I will accept this reality for what it is and try to relive my life as best as I can. If they are, I will find my way back to them!_

"Jessica, please get up! You are supposed to take your brother to school this morning." I heard Jessica's mom call to me outside of her bedroom door. I had completely forgotten this request from the previous day's morning. Unfortunately, Edward was right, and I was fine when I woke up this morning. I was more than capable to go to school today. I scrambled to my feet and darted to Jessica's closet. It was always difficult getting dressed in the morning because Jessica and I had completely different taste in clothes. She aired on the mid 2000 preppy and cute look. Which I did understand was appropriate for the time. I, however, preferred a more comfortable and laid-back look. I had not looked at the clock yet, but I suspected I didn't have much time to get ready this morning. Given that I almost died last night, I allowed myself to stray from dressing in Jessica's _style _for once. The reward seemed justified to myself. I quickly selected jean capris and a loose fitting bright red shirt that I just knew Jessica intended to use only for sleeping in and to never wear in public. I slipped on the pair of black converse I wore every day because it was the only comfortable shoes she had in her closet aside from the established running shoes. Shoes were the one thing I could not sacrifice in my Jessica facade. I needed to be comfortable, so I never wore the other dozen options of shoes she had available in her closet.

I opened the door to leave Jessica's bedroom and Daniel was standing in the middle of the hallway. His little 10-year-old face was scrunched up in irritation. This was going to be a nightmare. I avoided Daniel as often as I could, but today would be the first time I was forced to have more than a few minutes of interaction with him.

"Did you eat breakfast yet?" I asked nicely to break the ice.

"Duh. You're going to make me late. Let's go." Daniel's response sent chills down my back. I admitted to myself that I found Daniel a little intimidating.

"Alrighty... let me grab something to go from the kitchen on our way out." I responded cordially to Daniel. I would not going let this kid intimidate me to skip breakfast. I also _intentionally_ left out I needed to brush my teeth, put on deodorant, and wash my face first. Daniel didn't seem like the type to take excuses, but personal hygiene was important.

Once I made it to the kitchen, my options for breakfast were limited. The Stanley household never supplied food I would normally eat. I felt Daniel's eyes bore into my neck as I weighed my options in the kitchen pantry. It was unpleasant. I hastily settled on a banana and a packet of oatmeal to make later.

After acquiring my breakfast was complete, I grabbed the brown lunch bag on the counter labeled Jessica. Jessica's mom prepared one every school day. I forgot how nice it was to have a paternal figures influence in one's life. I sighed internally as I moved towards the front door. I had just realized I didn't even know where the school was that I was supposed to drop Daniel off at. This was going to be hard to explain but I couldn't get out of it now.

_Is the amnesia excuse still playable here?_

I unlocked Jessica's Toyota Camry once outside and watched Daniel hop in the front passenger side seat. I walked to that car door side and reopened the door.

"No way. You sit in the back." My order was not well received. His eyes stared back at me in disbelief. He was too small and underage to sit there. I didn't care if Jessica had let him previously. It was not safe.

"I always sit in the front!" He asserted to me.

"It's not safe. Park it in the back seat or you're not going to school with me. We can stay here all day if you like." I was thrilled I finally got my spine back with this kid.

Daniel stared me down for two minutes until he realized my words were not a lie. He huffed at me and redirected himself to the backseat.

"Much better. Thank you," I remarked to him genuinely pleased. I shut the door once he was inside and went to the driver's seat. Before I started the engine, my eyes caught Daniel with his main seat belt strap tucked behind his back in the rear view mirror. This kid was just going to try my patience today.

I craned my head over my shoulder in his direction and said, "Tell me what is wrong with this picture."

He thought it over a few seconds and then screamed, "What are you the **safety police**?!" He whipped the seat belt in its proper location across his chest and then I smiled sweetly at him.

"When it comes to my kid brother, I always want to make sure you're safe." I patted his head and then resumed turning the engine to start the car. "Now, give me directions to your school," I instructed to Daniel.

"You know you went there too when you were a kid," he grumbled at me from the backseat.

"Amnesia side effects. Do you want to get to your school or not?"

Daniel proceeded to give me the directions and they were very simple, as I should've suspected for the small town of Forks. We were nearing the elementary school when Daniel finally spoke to me again.

"What's wrong with you? You've changed a lot since you got hit on the head. We've all noticed it, but mom and dad won't say anything." Daniel's voice was no longer was aggressive with me as it had been all morning.

I didn't know how to answer his question and I couldn't be dismissive like I was to Edward when he commented I was different.

"Do you not like the new me?" I asked Daniel sincerely.

"I didn't say that. I haven't spent much time with you, but I know you're already nicer to me than you were before. I just don't want to get used to this and then for you to change back."

His answer was not what I expected it would be. I thought he was going to call me out for being a completely different person like I knew I was. I dreamt once that he demanded I change back to the old Jessica or he would reveal I was an impostor to everyone. That dream shook me and increased by sensitivity to avoiding Daniel.

"Fair enough. Maybe we could spend some more time together and you could help me remember things that you did like about me that I don't do anymore since I got hit to the head."

"Maybe." His one-word response was enough for me. I was just relieved to know I didn't have an enemy already, let alone in the house I was residing in.

The ride was soon over, and I pulled up in front of his school. He left in such a hurry that I hardly finished saying goodbye before he shut the door. I was about to drive away when I heard a knock on a window. I looked at the front passenger side's window. Daniel was looking at me. His face was emotionless at first. When he swept his dark brown shaggy hair out of his light brown eyes, I knew. He accepted me. I could not understand why so early, but I didn't understand the dynamics between Jessica and him before I came along. I also didn't understand my avoidance of him was perceived as kindness in some way. I would have to expand my knowledge on that in the future. Daniel waved at me and then turned around and rushed to a group of his friends congregated in front of the front doorways of the elementary school.

The drive to Forks high school felt long because I was lost in thought along the way. I felt relieved of how that went down. I acknowledged it could've been a lot worse. I would need to keep being nice to Daniel which wouldn't be as hard as I originally assumed it would be. I was only used to having an older sister as a sibling but felt confident I could navigate the waters of being an older sister to a younger brother. Jenna was a good example to go by. Pain funneled into my heart when I thought of Jenna. If I died as Katie Smith, I left her alone in the world. Our parents died when we were very young. Our grandparents took us in, but they had passed away as well after I started college.

I didn't know how to make my way back to my old life and Jenna. The only solution I could come up with was confirming Jenna was not present in this world. If she was, I would abandon this life as Jessica Stanley to be with her. However, if there was a Katie Smith already in this world or maybe my whole family, I would leave them in peace. Having to accept I would never see Jenna again was the most likely possibility. Until it was confirmed, I would not give up hope yet though.

I arrived at school nearly in tears thinking about Jenna and my real family. I was so swept up in my emotions, I hardly noticed Bella knocking on the driver's side window of the car.

_Is she upset Edward saved me? Is she worried I suspect something is off with him? Ugh, what should I do?_

I rolled down the window and gave Bella a weak smile. I was not going to assume I knew what she wanted. "Hi Bella," I greeted her nervously.

Bella's doe brown eyes conveyed apprehension before she responded to my morning greeting. "Jessica, how are you _feeling_?"

_Did they send Bella in to test the waters? Do they want to see if I am suspicious of the Cullen's?_

"Tired. I slept in late this morning, but it still wasn't enough it seems. How's your morning going?" I kept my response casual. She didn't ask a direct question, so my answer felt appropriate. I knew what question she was really asking and what answer she really wanted.

Bella's expression kept neutral to my response. I couldn't deny I was secretly hoping to goad a reaction out of her for not giving her what she wanted. I knew I was not being kind, but I was currently in an unknown story line territory of the Twilight Series. For all I knew, this could have gone on and Stephenie Meyer never bothered to write about it.

"My morning is fine. I was _actually _referring to what happened last night." She finally got straight to the point. I admired that she didn't dilly dally around the information she wanted, but I still was not going to yield to her.

"Ah, my run. It apparently didn't end well, but my mom informed me Edward and Alice saved me. I was really lucky. I cannot recall the events that unfolded after I started my run. It is pretty much a blur. Looks like I am fine now though. Please tell them both my sincerest thank you." I rolled up my window to signify the conversation was over. I was annoyed that Bella was still standing by the Camry when I finally got out of it. Apparently, the conversation was not over despite my power move to end it.

"**Wow**, _really_? You can't recall a _single_ thing?" Her playing detective for the Cullen's was obvious and not a game I wanted to play. I just wanted to be left out of this story line. I knew how to end her questioning in one fail-safe swoop, but I didn't want to be mean. It seemed like I was left with no other choice though. Being buddy-buddy with Bella one day was never officially off the table before, but it was now.

"Not a thing." I shrugged my shoulders. "The hit to the head you gave me last week has really been affecting my memory even up to now." It was a low blow, but necessary to make her back off. Her facial expression instantly turned sour. She was either pissed at my response or had an ugly upset face. She turned away from me without a word and moved to regroup with Alice and Edward. Only Edward between the two had a concentrated focus in our direction though.

_I wonder if the whole Cullen Clan knows? If Rosalie was here, she surely would be glaring daggers at me like she did after Edward saved Bella. She was __so mad__ when he risked revealing they were vampires to a human. Ugh, I don't care to concern myself with this bullshit right now. I think I can be written out of the story now. Thank god!_

…

The school day was nearly over, and I was mentally exhausted. I dodged odd glances from Edward, Alice and Bella all day long. I weighed the options of skipping and not-skipping Calculus, my last class of the day. In favor of skipping, I forgot to do my homework the night before due to everything that happened. The opposition to skipping, I would lose the chance to earn end of the semester bonus points with an unexcused absence. I laughed at the reasoning; I could very well not even be here around that time. It was an obvious decision in the end. I was going to skip.

"Jessica! Leaving the school grounds?"

_F**k! Who caught me?_

I turned around and saw Alice. I had not been around her enough to recognize her light and airy voice. It was like a beautiful melody full of warmth. Cute for her character but pestering at the moment.

"Guilty. Slight headache. I was just going to cut early and go home to rest." I tried to hide my deception but feared my tone of voice gave me away.

"Oh! For more immediate attention, why not go to the nurse then?" Alice asked me inquisitively. She acted innocent but I knew her game.

"Okay, I am caught red handed. I just want to skip the period completely." I hated that I struggled to sound cool when saying it. It just didn't roll off the tongue naturally.

"You can still do that in the nurse's office, Jess." I knew my face betrayed my perplexed reaction.

_Why on earth would she call me that? Since I have been here, I have only been addressed as Jessica._

"Thanks for the suggestion, but I think I will go home." I wanted to keep it short. I honestly believed she would take the hint at this point.

"Wait, please don't. I would like to chat with you actually." And thus, I was trapped. I escaped from Calculus, but not from Alice's clutches. I blamed my favoritism to her as a character in the books as to why I allowed the conversation to continue when I could have persisted I go home for some other reason.

"Can we do that in my car, or do you need to be on school grounds to talk to me?" I asked her before discretely letting out a sigh.

"Let's go for a joy ride then." Alice skipped by my side as she escorted me out in the school crowd. Luckily there was no real patrol of the hallways between classes or we would have had to been more creative other than just walking out the school doors. Alice didn't speak a word to me again until we were inside Jessica's Camry.

When I pulled out of the school parking lot, she finally began to speak. "I don't know where to begin," Alice spoke softly. I genuinely had no clue what she wanted to talk to me about. Unless it was regarding the night before, but I thought I had resolved that with Bella this morning. I liked Alice; I wanted to be kind and give her an opportunity to speak to me after all. The Cullen's were sure not making it easy for me to avoid them despite my best efforts.

"Well…you don't always have to start at the beginning. You can try the middle. Or even the end, and then work your way backwards. Whatever makes it easier for you." Alice looked delighted with the words I had spoken when I glanced over in her direction while I was driving.

"Yes. I just know we will be good friends, Jess." My first thought, it left a bad taste in my mouth she used a line on me that she dropped on Bella in Twilight. My second thought, _there it was_. She was referring to me as "Jess" again. I was hardly accustomed to responding to Jessica and now I had to add Jess to my plate? I don't think so.

"Actually Alice, I prefer Jessica." I spoke my preference kindly, so she would not feel admonished by my request. She wrinkled her nose and pursed her lips at my appeal. I could not fathom what, in the short time span we spent together, led her believe that I favored her to call me "Jess".

"I _think_ you'll change your mind in the future. But for now, I will appease you and call you Jessica." I was perturbed by Alice's confidence.

_She saw the future. Somehow, I allow her to call me Jess, or she is just bullshitting me and trying to lay some inception foundation for the future. How am I to know?_

"Now, you were trying to tell me something earlier?" My question was an attempt to shift the conversation to the main point of her going out of her way to entrap me when attempting to skip Calculus. My goal was that the car ride and conversation would be over at the same time.

_Hey, where am I driving to now anyways? I cannot head straight home since Alice is in my car. Woah now…come on Katie. This is _Jessica's car _and not __your__ car. Get a hold of yourself. _

I panicked slightly that my train of thought's joined my and Jessica's existence into one and referred to her stuff as my own. It was just not natural.

"Oh, that is right! Thanks for getting me back on track. I wanted to discuss with you about last night-" I stopped Alice in her tracks.

"Alice, I thought Bella would have relayed the message to you that I cannot recall anything after I began my run last night. I am sorry if you have wasted your time in seeking me out for that, but I cannot add anymore to the story." The fabricated lie I was selling Alice, Bella, and Jessica's parents seemed to be working. I was quite pleased with myself. Alice nodded as if she understood.

"Yes, Bella did share that with Edward and me. I understand that you cannot. My question was about something else. If you let me finish this time, then you can answer me." An ashamed blush crept on my cheeks. She was right. I could have at least let her finish before I cut her off.

"Please continue, Alice. I will see what I can do." I pulled the car into the local ice cream shop parking lot I almost passed by and gave her my full attention. Her face glowed, hinting she was perhaps appreciative over what I just said. The friendliness emitting from her very being was frightening, and I could slightly admit I enjoyed the attention.

_This is what Bella must feel like in her presence. Alice always had a special place in her heart for her._

"When we came upon you in the woods from our hike, you were struggling in the water to fight the current flow downstream. Edward extended a tree branch to get you out. You did not reach for it and let yourself drown…" My breath was slowing in my chest and my heart felt like it was expanding. It wanted to burst through my chest and run away. I commanded it to remain composed and allow myself to get out of this mess. I didn't respond to where Alice trailed off. I forced her to continue by remaining deadly silent.

"Why did you stop fighting to get out of the water? Why didn't you grab the tree branch?" Remorse seeped through Alice's questions. I could not discern why Alice needed that level of personal information about Jessica. She did not need to care or put up a false pretense she wanted to become Jessica's friend to get this information out of her. None of it made sense to me. It was inconceivable to me that Jessica Stanley should be on the Cullen's radar _at all_.

"I don't remember what happened, Alice. _But _that doesn't sound like me. Something must had happened to prevent me from taking a branch that was offered to me. That is the only thing I can think of that sounds plausible." I creased my forehead and dramatically puckered my lips to the right side of my face. I was attempting to pull off a convincing pensive guise to get her off my back. Alice gave me a reassuring smile that she believed me before she confirmed it with her words to follow.

"I see. Well I can understand that. I was just concerned if something was going on other than that for some reason. I think a lot of people have just been troubled about your personality shift after the head injury you sustained last week." I was taken aback by her boldness. Limited people so far have confronted me about Jessica's personality shift. Perhaps I was being too lenient on letting my Katie side come through.

_I don't want to be someone else. But it seems even though I am trying to minimize the drastic shifts in Jessica's behavior, what I am currently doing is not throwing off enough suspicion. God, this really sucks._

I fiddled with the car keys in my hands before I drummed up the courage to speak what was on my mind. "You know, you are not the first person to share that with me and I am sure you will not be the last." I began to increase my attention on the keys to let my next words come out without over thinking them. "I am doing my best to get back to the old me, but… maybe there are some aspects of this new me that I don't want to change, Alice. People change. And if my change began with a hit to the head, so be it. I will not let others define who they think I should be. Jessica Stanley is who I decide she will be."

In the end, I sowed seeds of truth and lies together in my story. To an extent I meant what I said, but deep down I was realistic. I could only be myself so much without ruining the lives of the Twilight characters while I figure my own shit out. On one hand, I felt I should just do what I want and say f**k it all. On the other hand, I didn't feel like getting caught up in the Twilight melting pot drama of vampires and wolves. If I wasn't careful with that rate I was currently going at, I would surely get mixed up in it somewhere along the way.

"I am all for the new Jessica." Alice beamed at me and I felt an _almost familiar_ surge of glee take over me for a split second. "While you are less in the limelight than before, you have seemed to grow a kinder heart." I am not sure what Alice based that on, but I just smiled graciously and said thank you.

"You picked a great location to park," Alice remarked coyly as she clapped her hands together in enthusiasm. I felt my eyebrows raise in wonder over what she was referring to. "Coincidentally, Jasper is planning on meeting me here to get some ice cream soon, did you want to join us?"

I fought off an eye roll as I assumed she knew we would end up here. Her future knowledge at times was exasperating.

_Shouldn't she have a limit with how often she sees the future?!_

"I should catch up on my Calculus since I skipped this afternoon." I offered myself an easy out and hoped she wouldn't protest for me to stay. To my gratification, she did not and let me go home. Little did I know it would be the last interaction I would have with Alice for quite a while.

…

Weeks had passed and today was Bella's birthday. I dreaded today. I was unsure if events would unfold as they were supposed to when New Moon's story line kicks off. Since Alice's and mines last conversation, things had dulled down for me in Forks much to my relief. The Cullen's kept their distance. Edward threw me unsettling glances now and then when we walked past each other in the school hallways. Fortunately, we had no classes together. He had not spoken to me since he carried me to my bedroom after saving me. It was all for the better. His behavior was unnerving for me and out of character.

The "lion who fell in love with the lamb", _bleh_, should not have eyes for another lamb. I wasn't so full of myself that I presumed he had feelings for me, but I had a strange suspicion that him not being able to read my mind made be the second unicorn he has encountered in his lifetime aside from the first unicorn, Isabella Swan. I held steadfast in the belief there were more requirements to Edward Cullen's love then needing to _not_ be able to read their mind. A tiny part of me still insisted though that I rather assume the worst-case scenario and be vigilant and wrong, than not doing anything and be right.

Outside of my social life, I made strides in identifying the existence of the Smith family in this world. In my investigation, the first call I made was to the house Jenna and I lived in with our parents. The landline was still used, and a stranger had picked up. No one of the Smith surname had ever resided there. The next call I placed was to my grandparent's house where Jenna and I should have been residing in 2005. The phone number for my grandparent's house, that I memorized at age 5, was not in service. Growing up, Jenna and I had constantly tied up our grandparent's phone line with dial up. That would have led to a busy line in the least and not an out of service response. My heart nearly dropped when I put the puzzle together. I didn't allow it to hit rock bottom yet though. It would not be given permission to feel the grief and despair until I confirmed it with my own eyes.

I had been working on earning money for a round trip plane ride to Helena, Montana. My parents, Eric and Susan Smith, should have been buried in the Forest Vale Cemetery with an inscription of 'beloved parents' underneath their names. If I beheld the absence of their gravestones from the cemetery spaces I saw their caskets lowered into with my own eyes, I would submit to being Jessica Stanley.

To earn my travel money, I got a job at the only movie theater in Forks starting my third week as Jessica Stanley. I surprisingly enjoyed my time working there. I worked at a Regal theater when I was growing up, so I felt right at home working at a theater once again. I was making minimum wage in a small town, so saving up money while going to school was taking a while. I took a shift to work at the theater tonight because my nerves were working over time thinking about the events about to unfold for the Cullen's and Bella. Shit was about to get dark, _fast_.

I did my best to keep my mind preoccupied as the development of the evening unfolded at the Cullen household. I was midway working my night shift at the podium to tear tickets and direct customers, when I saw Mike, Angela, Ben, and Eric walking towards me. They looked happy to see me.

"Hey guys! What are you here to see?" I asked them possibly too excitedly.

"The Exorcism of Emily Rose!" Angela squealed enthusiastically to me. I did not take Angela for one to enjoy the paranormal horror movie genre.

"Nice. So…uh?" I looked at them, waiting for them to offer me their tickets to tear.

_I get it now. They came here because they wanted to see the movie for free._

I shook my head at them and laughed. I was sure this would be the first time of many for them to use my employment at the theater to provide them free movies. The nostalgia hit me hard as I remembered doing the same for my friend's as Katie Smith.

"Down the left hall. Third theater on your right, theater three." They all smiled at me. None of their faces showed relief I let them in without asking if that is what they wanted. It seems they had become more comfortable with the new Jessica over the weeks. I admittedly was enjoying their company as well as I slowly opened up to meeting them to socialize during the day at school and stopped avoiding them all the time. Even Mike was accepting that Jessica was no longer into him romantically.

After they thanked me and headed down the hallway, I called after them. "I will join you guys on my break!" I received a thumbs up from all four of them before they walked into theater three. Sometimes I hated how easily I was slipping into the role of Jessica Stanley's life. I wrestled with the notion if one of my family members was in a similar situation, I would want them to live on and be happy.

_Always easier said than done, right?_

I immediately recognized Mike's blond hair, reflecting the light from the movie screen, when I walked in theater three on my break. I came to their seating area bearing free popcorn and soda. It was one of the best perks for working at a movie theater. I sat down in the available seat next to Angela. Her eyes were mostly covered by her fingers. She turned to me and remarked she should have never let Eric talk her into seeing this movie. I caught on too late to Mike's arm reaching over to squeeze Angela's left arm before I could warn her. She shrieked into my ears. It hurt a lot. The embarrassing part was that the scene on the screen was a non-scary part that could not justify her screech. I bit my lip to stifle my laughter. I patted her shoulder as her eyes shone with a mixture of fear and anger. I made my exit before Angela unleashed her wrath on Mike. He had no idea what he was in for.

Things were running slow per usual on a weekday evening that was not Friday. We were overstaffed and I drew the short straw. I ended up leaving my shift when Angela, Ben, Eric and Mike got out of their movie. We crossed paths and chatted about the movie and the ramifications of Mike's innocent teasing of Angela during the movie. Somehow, Angela, Ben and Eric pushed on me to take Mike home since he lived closer to me. Forks _was_ small. You could get anywhere within five minutes. The set-up felt fishy to me, but I allowed it for some reason.

The only sound in the car ride to Mike's house was the music playing on the radio. I didn't mind. Mike and I hadn't talked one on one since I told him off about us just being friends. Things were fine in a group setting, but apparently there was still an awkward air between us when solo with one another. Supposedly, I had not picked up on it before.

Mike's directions came to an end and we pulled up to his house. I was waiting for him to thank me for the ride before exiting the car. He was stalling though.

"It's okay, you don't have to tip me for the taxi service. The first ride is free." I attempted an ice breaker. I was quite pleased with myself for getting past 2019 references in such a short span of time of being in Forks. Referring to a taxi and not a Lyft or Uber when talking to Mike was a huge accomplishment for me. I always celebrated my little successes integrating in Jessica's life as long as I didn't devolve myself from my Katie Smith core.

"Good one. Yeah, so there was something I wanted to clear up with you."

_Again? Didn't we just go over Jessica being over Mike recently enough? _

I did not want to jump to conclusions and allowed him to continue before I judged it was necessary to put him back in his place.

"Okay, here it is straight. I just am going to lay it out there. I do not want us ever not being more than friends taken off the table." His tone was serious. A total 180 from what I observed in the movie theater.

"Where did this come from? Aren't you only interested in Bella?"

"I don't know what I feel anymore. I just don't want to count us out though." Now I was irritated.

"Don't you think that sounds selfish? You can't have your cake and eat it too. Decide on your feelings and pursue one person. Throwing out lines with bait on it to see what bites and choosing whatever suits you at the time is cruel. Yes, Bella has a boyfriend. But if that is who you like, then that is who you like. Don't settle on me because I am single. I deserve better than that, and I know you know that too." I was stern but not cruel with my words. I saw potential for Mike and myself to be good friends, if I ended up stuck in Forks. But, he needed a swift kick in the ass before that could happen.

"You're right. I am sorry for being so thoughtless, Jessica. I was just so disheartened when you said that we would only be friends going forward. Something clicked in me. I tried to ignore it, but it gets harder to ignore with the more time I spend with you." I observed Mike's icy blue eyes. I understood the sincerity in his words while I confirmed it in his gaze.

"I think it's too-" Mike cupped his right hand over my mouth before I could finish speaking.

"I won't let you say it's too late. Give me more time. With our friendship, I think I will sway you to liking me again." The determined expression on his face made me waver in finishing my sentence. Disturbed by my hesitance, I reminded myself I was Katie Smith and_ not_ Jessica Stanley. Mike's charming words or attractive face should not have compelled me to fall into the trap of merging into Jessica's life.

_I don't even feel that way towards Mike! What is wrong with me?_

"And your feelings for Bella?" I inquired to shift the focus from me to the correct person to have Mike's affection at this time. I needed to nudge him in the right direction. They were supposed to see the movie Face Punch in the future on a "date".

"They are fading," Mike informed me confidently.

"What if she wasn't with Edward anymore?" It was going to happen in the _very_ near future. There was no denying this would change things for Mike. His hesitation to my question was the only confirmation I needed that he would soon give his full attention to Bella. As I wanted, and the story line demanded!

"I thought so. I enjoy being your friend, Mike. Let's keep growing our friendship, okay?" I stuck out my right hand for Mike to shake. He looked at me, then my hand, and back to my face. He closed his eyes and sighed in defeat before extending his hand forward to seal the friendship agreement.

"Good night, Big Mike," I said cheekily to him. Mike chuckled in response and grinned at me.

"Good night, crazy. Let's pick another free movie to see with the group later this month." Mike exited my car and walked towards his doorstep.

"Sounds like a plan!" I shouted through the rolled down window before I waved and smiled at him.

My peaceful sleep that evening was disrupted by a disconcerting dream I had.

Jenna and I were sitting on my bed in our childhood shared bedroom at our grandparent's house. It was a cozy and welcomed scenery for a heart to heart sisterly conversation with my big sis. Jenna was asking me if I liked my new life. I shared with her everything I had been through. I explained I didn't know how to get back to her and my life. She nodded and listened intently to me. She was concerned for me. I missed that affection from her. And a human in general who knew the real me and didn't see me as Jessica. The advice she offered me in response to my problem was startling. She suggested I let her, and our family go. She wished for me to accept my new life and live it to the fullest. I shook my head and protested. I worked too hard in my previous life and at my core I was still Katie. She replied everything would be okay and informed me that the body was just a shell. Who I am on the inside is what matters, no matter what I look like. I may look like Jessica, but I am Katie still.

I woke up that morning very freaked out. My dream sister's complacency with my life in Forks was alarming and finally acknowledging that I could in fact dream in this reality was not comforting for the possible theory I was in an afterlife.

Having that dream completely distracted me from remembering that today was the day after Bella's birthday. The D-Day of New Moon was almost here. In another day or two, if I recalled the timeline correctly, Edward would leave Bella. But, nothing of that story line pertained to me, so I went about my school day as a normal day in the life of Jessica Stanley.

Alice was missing from school today but not Edward. I couldn't remember if that was right.

_Are they all supposed to be out of the picture already? _

The few glimpses I got of Edward during the day were disturbing. He had a very pained expression on his face. To most, his face may have appeared neutral if they didn't have more than a surface level association with him. Thanks to the extent he had communicated with me since I inhabited Jessica's body, I learned some of the tells. At first glance, it could have looked like his mouth held a straight line. The corner of his lips showed signs of straining to not fall to a frown. His eyes shifted constantly around. If one could steady focus on them for more than a few seconds, they could see the agony hidden in them. They were small details, but I caught on to them. Bella had not seemed to though…yet. She walked around oblivious- so painstakingly unaware to that fact Edward was about to crash her world and break her heart. It was sad, but there was nothing I could do about it.

To brighten up the day for myself, I was going to perform a task I had been putting when I got home. I was finally going to allow myself to calculate how much my trip to Helena was going to cost. I hadn't done the math sooner because it was depressing to find out how long it would take to earn the amount needed for my trip. Now that I had earned…$251, I wanted to see how far that would get me. Then I would map out the hours left I needed to work before I could go. I had also yet to formulate a good reason for my trip to explain to Jessica's parents. Looking forward to this task helped me survive the rest of the school day.

I was the first one to walk into the Stanley house that afternoon. Jessica's parents usually weren't home until after 5 in the evening, and today, Daniel was going over to a friend's after school. It was relaxing to enjoy the house to myself. I intended for my full Katie side to be released. I wasn't sure what that entailed though. Lately a lot of my normal personality had been on display for the townspeople of Forks and it had not been rebuked by others. It was almost being accepted as the "new" Jessica.

I went upstairs and threw my backpack into Jessica's room. I changed out of the preppy attire I adorned for school. I replaced the outfit with Jessica's gym shorts and a bed-time shirt. Jessica's wardrobe did not contain downtime clothes. It was _truly_ a travesty.

Once I finished changing, my ears barely registered the knocking sound coming from the front door downstairs.

_Maybe Daniel is home early? He should have a key though…unless he forgot it again. Even after I have been working so tirelessly to instill in the Stanley family to lock their doors! The goober needs to remember his key because __**I**__ won't always be there to let him in. I better teach him a lesson... _

As soon as I was ready, I opened the front door at a gradual pace to build up the suspense of my impending attack. Still hidden from Daniel, I focused on the angle of the door until it was ajar at a 45 degree angle. With the perfect opening, I jumped in the gap with an exuberant scream before exploding nerf pellets at Daniel from his own nerf gun. I cackled menacingly at my target…who was taller than Daniel. I was eyeing a waist band where Daniel's head should have been.

_Oh shit! _

I whipped my head up and took in Edward's stunned face. I snorted before I howled at my innocent target. It took a full minute to regain my composure. "_Sorry_, I was expecting you to be Daniel." My shoulders shrugged up at the end of my half-hearted apology.

"Apparently. Or, should I say I hope so?" His collected composure was unsettling. He couldn't even emit a single "ha" or say "that was funny" in our given situation. I had an off feeling about the Edward I was observing in front of me.

_W__ait, no. Isn't it too soon for him to break up with her? And if he did...what is he doing here? _

My humor suddenly died, and I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. There was not a single feeling to define it, but an array of many. Annoyed. Sad. Angry. Agitated. Troubled. Maybe there were more, but I didn't feel like identifying them in that moment.

I rode the wave and chose not to let them consume me, yet. I could still muster to display a neutral expression on the outside. "Cullen, what's up?"

Edward cleared his throat first before speaking. "I am leaving today. My family is moving. Carlisle has a new job opportunity he is taking."

_F**k. I was right._

Edward did not misunderstand my indifferent facial reaction. Underneath it, I was seething with fury.

_He came here to talk to me after dumping Bella in the woods?! What a twat!_

I capped the rage and thought of Bella in the woods at that very moment screaming in desperation of the pain she was going through. It was over dramatic for a break up, but that didn't mean what she was experiencing was not real. Her feelings were as real as mine were in that moment. I knew better not to do what I was about to, but I could not help myself.

"You should stay."

There it was. I said it. I was attempting to alter a pivotal moment in New Moon's plot because I felt pity for Bella, and Edward was being a drama queen with his reaction to the night before. I justified to myself that the story lines of Eclipse and Breaking Dawn could still carry on despite this move. I would personally help insert Jacob into the plot and make sure he wormed his way inside of Bella's heart for some continuity of the Twilight Saga.

I waited for Edward's response. His head was downcast. His delicate eyelashes masked the truth in his eyes he did not want me to see. I felt 50/50 on the odds he would take the bait, change his mind, and stay. More like 20/80, but I was trying to be optimistic for Bella's sake.

_Okay,_ _he could take it the wrong way though, I should clarify to him my intent of what I meant._

"I mean, you should at least finish up the school year here with Bella." Edward's jaw set. I speculated he was not satisfied with my follow up commentary

"It's not up to me. I should go before they leave without me. Goodbye…Jessica." Edward spoke with remoteness in his still voice.

And like that, Edward was gone, and the plot of New Moon was back on track. I only regretted that I let him off so easily. If it wasn't a dead giveaway of what I knew had transpired, I would have given him a piece of my mind about how he dumped Bella in the middle of nowhere. He was so obtuse and not understanding of the fragility of her being once she came to love him. Not that I agreed with it…but still.

_Stupid Edward. Right now, I am __**SO**__ Team Jacob._

* * *

_**Author's Note:** I was super excited to post this- it was so much fun to write! I am really looking forward to the next chapter! More Bella. Jacob finally comes into the picture. Katie sets out to confirm the truth about her current reality. That's all I got at the moment. I hope you, my readers, are enjoying it as well. Drop a review of what you think, if you feel like it. I _**_really _**_enjoy reading other thoughts or commentary on the story progression. Thank you to all those who have reviewed so far! Your insight is helpful and makes me feel confident in the story line's progression.- Lalaland972_

_9.12.2019 – updated/revised made to text for reading improvement_

_4.25.2020 \- more updates made to text. I also wanted to revise the Mike/Jess scene in her car. I had a guest review comment they didn't understand why she hesitated towards Mike and thinking more on it, I agreed. So decided to tweak that scene just a hair. _


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note i:_** _I do not know if the readers actually read these, so I am making my more important note here at the beginning. And a non-important one at the end of this chapter. I appreciate the comments where readers voice the characters they would or would not like see Jessica/Katie end up with. I actually already know where this is going now. I struggle with if I let you, the readers, know or surprise you in the end. I rather like my ending and think everyone reading this would enjoy it too. Or so I hope. This story is fun for me to write regardless how you feel about it in the end. Also one last note, I like the idea that Jessica's influence will change personality developments of other characters for the better in the Twilight Universe. Done now, please read Ch.4 and enjoy._

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 4**

It was big news the next day at school. The last two remaining beautiful Cullen children that had graced Forks High School were gone along with the rest of their family. After the initial excitement of the news, it turned out to be of little importance to everyone in town but Bella Swan. It seemed in the books, Stephenie Meyer really spared the readers by not giving any details of Bella's depression that spanned months. It had been awhile since I read New Moon, so I couldn't recall when Bella snapped out of it. I did know it took _quite _some time. I distinctively recalled blank pages in the book that were just titled with a month and filled with no supporting words. It made a significant impact on me as a teen that created unhealthy relationship expectations in the future. The result was me believing for some time if I could not experience that level of love for a boy, it was not real or something better was out there. _Eventually_, I learned better.

Bella from that next school day on, would sit by herself at lunch. She had always sat with just Alice and Edward while I had been here. She should have been able to sit with us at lunch now. Us being myself, Mike, Eric, Ben, Lauren, Angela and whatever guests popped by our table. She opted to sit alone at lunch though.

_I at least hid in the library while avoiding people in the beginning. _

Bella showed off her self-imposed social isolation out in the open. She wanted everyone to see how broken she was without Edward. As if she was not a person before she met Edward. It was painful to witness. She did not put in any effort into looking like a teenager who had access to a shower and a loving father. Bella sported greasy hair most days and her grunge attire downgraded from acceptable to abysmal. She just did not care about keeping up her appearance at all.

Unfortunately, there was nothing mapped out in the books for me to follow. The story was not supposed to pick up for months. In the grand scheme, it didn't alter my plans to travel to Helena to figure out my future. However, I was bothered by every student and teacher's complacency with Bella's depression over being dumped by Edward. Her friends left her alone. They justified it as respecting her wishes. I saw it as them not trying hard enough to be there for her. The teachers were fine as long as she still got her school work done and participated when necessary in classes. I knew Charlie cared, but he took months to finally force Bella to pull herself together and pretend to have a social life at least.

_Am I just supposed to watch this go on and do nothing? _

I knew the answer was yes. This was not my storyline to interfere with. I was just pretending to be a side character that most readers did not like. Jessica could be a bitch sometimes. Hopefully no one saw her that way after I inhabited her body, but who knows?

It was one week after the Cullen's left and I was fed up observing Bella.

_I cannot do this for months! I tried to side line it, but I cannot watch this continue. Not when this all feels so real to me. _

When I was a teenager, all I wanted to be was Bella with these two great love interests vying for the heart of this run of the mill normal girl. Today, I just wanted to save her.

When I walked into the Forks High School Cafeteria with my lunch, I walked past the table I normally sat at. Angela was already there; she offered me an awkward hand wave when she saw me pass by. Bella was at her table. The table she scared off others from sitting at with her. I don't know how she did it, but she kept that table always empty aside from her. And she would just spend the half hour for lunch staring out the window and not ever touch the food in front of her.

_Doesn't she get hungry? I would be starving._

I did not say anything as I sat down directly across from her at the round seated table. I set down my lunch and pulled out 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince'. Jessica did not have reading books in her room when I came up with this idea to invade Bella's territory at lunch. I had to pull the book from the bookshelf in Daniel's room. I was grateful he did not mind, but it cost me reading to him at night. He was making me start from the first Harry Potter book though. It wasn't the worse tradeoff I supposed.

Bella looked at me for a second. A nano-second. She did not say anything. Her eyes were hollow, as if I was looking into a ghost's eyes. A ghost haunted by an unfulfilled life and past regrets. It was chilling. I did not back down though. I ignored her frigid nano-second stare and opened my book. I finished the first chapter as I ate my lunch that Jessica's mom had packed. I had forgotten how good the Harry Potter books were. It was a plus that I was able to snag the 6th book as well, it had always been my favorite.

After the lunch period passed, we both went our separate ways. Angela and Eric caught up to me before we headed into our next class together. "Are you going to let us in on what you are doing?" Angela asked me curiously. I was happy they asked. I had intended my plan to extend to everyone in our friend circle.

I explained to them both that we all needed to support Bella. She did not want our conversation, but we could at least be with her in some small way. I suggested we all take a day of the week to sit with her. Not all at once, but one person at a time. That way we wouldn't overwhelm her. The goal was not to talk to Bella, but just sit with her. Then maybe on some level, she would know we supported her and were there for her. Even Mike and Ben were on board with the plan after Eric clued them in. Lauren opted to remain out of it. True to her character, she was never a fan of Bella.

We stuck to that schedule for the next three weeks. In mid-October, everyone else aside from me was tired of having to share the burden of a silent lunch with Bella. I let them all off the hook and decided to stick it out on my own. They all understood and supported me for my decision.

Sitting with Bella once a week was tolerable. But once I was on duty to sit with her **_every day_**, it started feeding an anger in me at her. Her over reaction at the break up was infuriating. My anger eventually boiled over on October 14th. My thoughts on her ridiculous behavior had particularly been festering since I woke up that morning. I dreamed of my dead parents. That was _real_ pain of loss. Someone leaving you but not because they wanted to. I understood a breakup was painful. I had experienced two myself. I did not want to belittle her pain over her breakup, but the way she went about it disgusted me. She still had a life she could live and a new love she could find.

At lunch that day I thought about it too much and called her out. "There is more to life than Edward. I know you love him. But…you can find romantic love like that again."

_Like with Jacob. _

"With other people. Be sad, but don't give up on living because you feel your heart is broken. Go on despite it and put yourself together. Show him you are better off without him." Everyone had coddled Bella up to this point and never called out her behavior or spoke of Edward. Because of this, I had not expected her to actually acknowledge what I said and respond.

"You have no idea what you are talking about, Jessica," Bella snapped. Her spiteful words formed an arrow that hit me dead in the heart.

I drew in a frusterated breath while combatting the fury beginning to spark within me.

"Have you ever had someone leave you that didn't want to leave you? That would have done anything to stay with you?" I questioned her as Katie Smith and not as Jessica Stanley.

Bella cocked her head to the side before tucking a long, loose strand of brown hair behind her ear. Her confusion was easy to read off her facial expression. I clarified to her, "Has anyone very important to you ever died and abandoned you in this world? That is someone leaving you when they wish they could have stayed. That is not what Edward did to you. He did not die and leave you. He chose to abandon you. Yes, his family "moved", but I am sure he could have finished out his senior year here with you if he really wanted to." I was highly aware I could not slip up during my speech and reveal I knew more. I saved myself by closing out with the fluff of him "moving" when in reality he just plain left her.

"_No…_ but it is not to my knowledge that you have either." It was true, Jessica did not have that kind of life experience. But I as Katie Smith had.

"You don't know me as well as you think you do." I stood up from my seat and collected my belongings. "I'll still continue sitting with you, but today I am fed up with you. Goodbye, Bella." I abandoned Bella on that note. I could not stand to be in her naive presence for a moment longer.

The next Monday at school, lunch went differently. Bella finally acknowledged my presence when sitting with me at lunch. She asked me how I did on the Calculus test and I pulled out my scored exam to show her my grade of a 105. I was the only student awarded extra credit for that exam. The corner of Bella's mouth flicked upwards when she saw my score.

_I believe she almost smiled at me._ _If I keep going, I bet I can earn a smile._

I decided to ride the moment and commented about my improved brain recovery since she was paid to take me out of the baseball game at the beginning of the year in PE. I told her I was informed about the plot of her being talked into taking out the catcher, me, by her team to help them win. We both knew it was ridiculous. I overheard Jessica was characterized as the second worst baseball player after Bella in PE. It was appalling to hear the first time. I was in fact a pretty decent athlete as Katie Smith.

Bella actually laughed at my joke and quickly smiled. It was a short and soft laugh, but it was a huge mile stone. I was shocked at the end of the lunch period when she asked me to see a movie with her. I apparently had expedited the plot line by a huge chunk of time. I chose not to focus on that yet. She admitted it was to get Charlie off her back. She was afraid he was going to force her to move to Jacksonville to stay with her mom if she didn't start acting social again.

I wanted to invite the others, but Bella had not wanted that yet. She said it was too much socialism so soon. One person to hang out with first would be enough. We waited until Friday to see a movie. It was for the better in the end to not go on a week night. I had forgotten about the crazy stunt Bella was going to pull after the movie by engaging with some shady ass strangers down a dark alleyway. It was weird how the same situation presented itself. It was almost as if some force was imposing crucial events to the story to still take place despite the deviation in the timeline and my Jessica character playing a larger role than intended.

Bella was a nutcase wanting to so desperately to see Edward again. If I remembered it correctly, Bella never told anyone she pulled all those crazy adrenaline thrills off to see Edward again. Only the reader knew. Looking back, it was a great way to see Edward in book two still as a teenage twilight fan, but creepy she would go so far to see him again. Especially when you witnessed it firsthand, instead of just by reading a scene from a book. I could admit I felt that Edward partially drove her to it by not leaving her anything to remember him by.

_That jerk._

But Bella still made dumb choices.

I should not have allowed Bella to approach the sketchy men eyeing us as we walked down the street after our movie, but when I realized what was taking place, it was too late. My reaction was pretty on par with Jessica's in the book when Bella rejoined me.

_Is she an idiot with a death wish_? _After my great speech to this ding dong last week and she still pulls this shit? No wonder Jessica freaked in the book. _

I shook my head before I chewed her out. I admonished her stupidity and advised her to find much safer adrenaline rush outlets that did not involve approaching creepy strangers that could have kidnapped her. She agreed with me but questioned why I chose to call her approaching those men as her seeking an adrenaline rush. I realized my slip of tongue and stealthily covered my tracks that exposed my mistake of insider knowledge. After that topic was moved on from, I felt I didn't need to push her to Jacob at this point because I trusted she would come to interact with him on her own like she did in the book.

I was right, of course. Bella would inform me during our lunches of the time she spent with Jacob. Since she looked to be emotionally healing, I was able to sway her to sit back with the gang during lunch. Lunch spent with Angela, Ben Mike, and Eric was refreshing. I even welcomed Lauren's presence despite her obvious dislike for Bella still. She was getting better though. Less rough around the edges. I forgot how much I missed sitting with them all at lunch. I hardly noticed yet I was allowing myself to get so swept up in the Twilight life, I kept putting off buying my tickets to Helena despite having the money for a round trip weekend visit.

Finally, another main plot point in New Moon occurred, and it was only December 2nd. Mike's feelings for Bella and I were constantly wavering, but he had been smart enough not to bring it up to me again. I could tell at times on his face that he wanted to have an important conversation, but I always dashed away with a clever excuse before he would pull me into another awkward conversation. I assumed he gave up sometime after noticing how back to normal Bella was becoming without Edward. It reminded me of when I previously asked him how he would feel about Bella if Edward was out of the picture. Of course, my prediction was right; I owed that to New Moon.

Mike asked Bella to a movie during lunch on the Friday before finals week. Oblivious or on purpose, Bella opened the invitation to everyone sitting at our table. Before anyone else could answer, Ben looked at me and asked if it would be free. I nodded my head and laughed. After that, everyone present at lunch said yes to going. Bella pulled me aside afterwards and assured her intentions of spreading the invitation was not to abuse the fact I worked at a movie theater. I assured her it was fine and asked her if she would invite Jacob.

"I hadn't thought of that, but good idea. I will. I think you guys would get along." I told her we shall see while laughing internally of how well I already knew Jacob Black.

As expected, Bella once again demanded we saw the goriest, most blood thirsty movie title out at that time. We had rather limited options since December usually consisted of Christmas or feel good movies. I wanted to see "Just Friends" with Ryan Reynolds, but Bella dictated we see "Aeon Flux". Obviously we had to give in, or she wouldn't see anything with us.

Angela caught the flu "apparently" going around, and her dutiful boyfriend Ben was skipping the movie to take care of her. It was too much of a coincidence of how soon it onset and prevented Angela and Ben from going to the movie from lunch time that day. I admitted to myself that Jessica should not be attending the movie either. She was "busy" in the books. Aka avoiding Bella post their shared moment of Bella approaching strangers while with Jessica. But one could understand that reaction given how Bella pulled a psycho stunt that could have endangered Jessica as well. If I didn't have the keen insight on the Twilight Saga that I do, I very well could have reacted just the same as Jessica Stanley in the story.

Thus, before show time it was me, Mike, Bella and Jacob. One could almost mistake it for a double date between two teen couples. I had a brief introduction with Jacob. It was fun. He towered over Mike and me who were waiting outside of the theater when him and Bella walked up together. I was in awe of how gorgeous he was. His chiseled face was balanced with the puppy dog brown eyes he had only for Bella. His tan skin and raven hair were a physical contrast compared to Edward for Bella's second love interest. I relished in being all knowing in that moment.

"Jake, this is Jessica and Mike." Bella gestured her hand out as she directed his attention to each of us when she called our names. Jacob's fierce brown eyes flicked over to Mike and then myself.

"Jacob. Only _close_ friends can call me Jake," Jacob said while narrowing his eyes at us. I enjoyed the sassiness from him. It _was_ very Jacob like.

"Great. I would prefer calling you Jacob anyways." Jacob's dark-eyed gaze made me a tad uncomfortable. His intense stare almost seemed as if he was sizing me up. I wouldn't let him think my 5'1" stature defined my personality or boldness. Mike just said whatever. I hung back a little as we all walked into the building together. As I suspected, I caught it. I witnessed Jacob's hand sweetly reach for Bella's and she shooed it away.

We walked into the theater soon after, and the seating arrangements were predictable as well. Bella sat between Mike and Jacob. I was left on the end of the row next to Mike. I didn't mind it though. I anticipated having a front row seat to this event was going to be more fun than when I read the scene in the book. I could not contain my excitement for the line Jacob would dish to Bella later in the evening about Mike being a marshmallow. I couldn't recall the exact phrasing, but I knew it was a favorite burn of mine.

Twenty minutes into the movie, my eyes caught attention to a palm up hand on the armrest shared between myself and Mike.

_What? No way. Is he trying to pull some stunt to see if Bella or I will take his hand? __He asked her out to the damned movie in the first place! _

I indiscreetly extended my chest forward in my seat and peered over in Bella's direction. Mike and Jacob each _only _had one hand facing palm up. Jacob's was offered to Bella and Mike's towards me.

_Did Mike back off of pursuing Bella because Jacob was here? _

The confusion left my head dizzy and I quickly excused myself to the restroom. In front of the women's bathroom mirror I worked to reclaim my thoughts.

_This is a fluke. If I hadn't messed up this event by being so nosy and inserting myself in it, Mike would have offered his hand to Bella and not me._

Or so that is what I told myself to believe. I splashed cold water on my face in the bathroom sink. I looked intently at the face staring back at me in the mirror. It was not my face. It was a reminder of who I was not anymore.

_What the hell am I doing? Why am I complacent in this charade as Jessica? I cannot settle in this world __until I know. Even if it turns out my family doesn't exist here, am I really fine with living my life as an imposter? Pretending to be Jessica Stanley? I will have to work for everything from scratch! My degrees, my future. It is all unwritten here and I would have to bust my ass again to be an engineer_.

I stopped my pity party before I got too far ahead of myself in the women's restroom. I splashed myself with cold water again and admired the beauty of the make-up free face Jessica pulled off well. Jessica was a very pretty girl after all.

"I wanted to talk to you." I expected that line to come from Mike but not Jacob. He was standing a few feet off from the entrance of the women's restroom when I exited.

_Geez. How long has he been waiting there? I was in there for more time then needed to "pee"._

"Why?" This was the first time we met. He had no reason to need to talk to me. We were strangers.

"Bella has told me what you have done for her since **_he_** left. What kind of friend you have been for her. I just wanted to say thank you. I have been waiting to meet you to say that in person." Jacob's dark eyes locked on me intently. He was being a bit much.

"Well…I didn't do it for you. I did it for Bella."

"I know. I just wanted to say it, nonetheless. I am glad she has _at least_ one good friend in Forks."

"Sure. We should head back in the theater now. We are missing the movie." I began to take my first step forward to direct us to returning back to the movie.

"Did I do something to offend you?" Jacob asked softly. "I feel like you are being dismissive of me."

A sharp intake of breath filled my lungs. I was making a bad impression on Jacob. It was not my intention. I just wanted to get the night over with, so I could resume on my Katie Smith agenda and stop pretending to be someone I was not. I was tired of inserting myself into a story I didn't belong in. Thus, I decided to make up a reasonable excuse to leave early.

"No. I am just tired of being the fourth wheel in the theater. I should leave so you and Mike can duke it out for Bella amongst yourselves without me there. It's not like either of you would notice, but still, I will take my leave. Can you let them know I went home early and will catch up with them at school on Monday?" I turned away from Jacob and began to walk to the exit doors.

"Jessica, wait." Jacob lightly grasped my arm before I could push open the exit door. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him.

_What more does he want from me? Leave me be, Jacob Black._

I looked up to his dark brown eyes that seemed to be insisting I hear him out.

_What are these Twilight boys on that makes them go off script more than they should? _

If he had something to say, this was his moment, or I would continue my exit in the next five seconds.

"I am sorry if we are making you uncomfortable." This was _not_ Jacob Black like behavior. He should have been haughty or cocky about his affection for Bella. Dramatizing to me about how he would win her over the marshmallow Mike. "I'll stop. I can't promise if Mike will. But, Bella would be happy if you stayed to the end I am sure. I would like to get the opportunity to know you more too, as Bella's friend."

I just couldn't win tonight. I was never a bitch as Katie and enjoyed that I changed some folk's in Forks perception of Jessica. But in that moment, I highly considered playing the true character of Jessica Stanley to remove myself from the night's events. In the end, my do gooder bleeding heart won out. I would resume on my original mission tomorrow, but would finish playing out my role as Jessica, minor character in the Twilight Saga, tonight.

"Are you sure you can resist not reaching for her hand or making love sick eyes at her for the rest of the night?" I asked Jacob in a teasing tone. Jacob was amused with my response. His eyes twinkled and a smooth smile crept up on his lips.

_God he is devastatingly handsome. But young! Remember that Katie. Do not be a pervert! He is definitely underage._

Jake threw his hands up in the air as if he was pleading guilty as charged. "I have never been one to shy away from demonstrating my feelings, but tonight I can make an exception." He took down his right hand and extended it to me. I observed his lean arm. I was curious to see how much it would _really_ bulk up when his transforming abilities kicked in. I took his hand and shook it. He caught on to the fact I was assessing his forearm and bicep.

"Don't worry. I'll bulk up. My body is just recovering from my growth spurt." I offered him a sly smile. I knew he would fill out much faster than he could ever anticipate. I decided to catch him off guard.

"But you're perfect as you are." His jaw slightly dropped. I witnessed the reaction I wanted. It was fun to tease Jacob. "Let's go. We got to put you into position to save Bella from Mike's future advances." Jacob's eyes reviewed me curiously as we walked back to our theater.

"Are you sure it was Bella's hand he wanted?"

_There is no way Jacob saw Mike offering his hand to me, right? I am sure he was so caught up in focusing on Bella he could not have thought to look to see if Mike was after Bella's other hand._

"How could it not be? Bella's a catch." That answer came off my lips as we slipped in the doors of the theater.

I only took one glimpse for the rest of the movie, but Jacob seemed to have kept his word and retracted his hand from being offered to Bella to take. Mike gave up on my hand when he excused himself to the restroom. We caught up with him after the movie ended, and the course of events held true with him coming down with the flu as well.

While Bella, Jacob and I waited for Mike's reprieve from puking his guts up, we had a nice conversation. I finally got Jacob's take on their bike reconstructing project. I laughed constantly about how animated he was with his story telling or recounting Bella's klutzy antics in his workshop.

_God, what an awful character trait to have._

Jacob remained a friendly distance between us both. He spread his attention between Bella and myself and surprisingly never made me feel like a third wheel. I wasn't sure if I was mistaken, but Bella did not seem to like the lack of attention Jacob was paying to her or the fact she had to share him.

When Mike emerged from the men's restroom, I felt just awful for him. He looked like shit. Mike felt so sick we arranged it that I drove Mike home in his car. Bella and Jacob followed me and then took me back to my car at the theater. The goodbye between the three of us was awkward to say the least. Bella and I were not friends who hugged goodbye. We just offered a head nod of respect and parted ways. Jacob insisted he give me a hug even though I told him I was fine without it.

When he enveloped my petite frame in his enormous body, it must have been a laughable site. He was warm though. _Too warm_. His change was upon him and this would be the last time we would talk most likely. It didn't bother me that event was about to unfold. "Thanks for keeping your word, Jacob. You're a good guy," I whispered in his ear out of ear shot of Bella. He smiled sweetly at me and I could have sworn a slight blush tinged his cheeks. But, it must have been the fever burning in him.

We parted ways and Katie Smith was back into play.

* * *

**_Author's Note ii: _**_I was actually reading chapter 3 of New Moon for the first time in Pre-Calculus when we had free time. I was balling when Edward left Bella in the woods in my class. Oh my… haha I have a correction to note – the title of the movie was actually 'Crosshairs' in the book of what they were supposed to see. But I like the name "Face Punch" from the New Moon movie better. I made reference to it here and in the previous chapter._

_I appreciate readers find this story original. I had not read any Twilight fanfic since coming back to FanFic last month, so I had no idea if this was going to be too similar to another story out there. I can appreciate readers being open to a story line that is not centered on the usual main characters and embraces the use of Jessica embodied by an OC. Thank you for all the reviews, favorites and follows! Reviews are always a pleasure for me to read, please leave one if you have any comments you want to share when you finish the chapter.__\- Lalaland972_

_**9.12.2019**__ – Updated/revisions made to text for reading improvement._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: **__I wasn't planning on incorporating the meadow scene in the story but was persuaded to with __Treasure89__'s review. Thanks for the inspiration! I think it worked out for the best- I honestly was originally stuck for what would unfold in this chapter. Also, the later chapters of writing this story takes much more research. I cliff noted with re-watching New Moon this past weekend (it had been years since I last watched it) but still found myself needing to dust off the books for reference. I hope it shows in the storyline._

_Additionally, I just read they were taking Calculus Senior year and not pre-calculus… Which makes sense when I think about it. I don't know if I want to go back and change that minor detail. Maybe eventually though!_

_P.s. Drop a review if you have a__preference on updates. Would you rather wait longer for a lengthy worded update (5000-8000 words) or have a shorter chapter (3000 words) to read on a more frequent basis? Just trying to gauge readers opinions while my personal life tends to get busier here on out. Reviews are never expected to progress the story line, but they do help inspire me to write sooner rather than later when I read a reader's passion for this story – Lalaland972_

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 5**

I had a restless sleep that night. I could not understand why though. I believed I could finally remove myself from the Twilight plot. Bella was entering Jacob's world and no longer needed my Jessica. She could sustain the storyline without my disruption. Or so I assumed…

The weekend before Jessica's senior finals was calm for the Stanley household. I truly tried to reason to myself I did not need to study for _any_ of the finals. My reasoning was I could not be sure I would remain as Jessica after I went to Helena. My fate was still undecided. The studious side of Katie Smith could not let it go though. Predictable, but annoying. When I wasn't hunkered down studying in Jessica's room to keep up her 'A' average that weekend, I found myself spending time with the Stanley family. I had grown accustomed to eating meals with them, reading Harry Potter to Daniel, talking with Jessica's Dad about his business, or trying to persuade Jessica's mom to try going for a run with me. I told myself constantly I was portraying a convincing Jessica to them. I was even fooling myself with the great job I was doing. Which is why booking my flight to Helena was an important task to accomplish already.

Before I could purchase the flight, I had to lock down my alibi to tell Jessica's parents. The best weekend to fly out there was the last weekend of the school's winter break. It was the only weekend Jessica's family didn't have blocked out for her yet. I had to claim it while there was still time to. On Sunday night, I called Bella.

"Jake!" Bella's voice exclaimed excitedly over the phone.

"Um, no. It's Jessica."

_I forgot she is being ignored by Jacob right now since he is going through his werewolf transition. Terrible timing, but I need to book the flight now before prices go up._

"Oh…" Bella trailed off. I still would have caught on to the dismay in her voice even if I didn't know why it was there.

"I'll be quick. I need your help. The weekend of January 9th, the last weekend of our break before school starts, can you cover for me and say I am staying the weekend at your house?" I had faith Bella would easily say yes and the conversation would abruptly end. She owed me _a lot _after all. I sped up her recovery process and being in Jacob's arms by at least a couple of months.

"Why?" She asked me curiously. Bella should not have needed more information from me and just obediently replied with a simple "yes, but of course my _dear_ Jessica. Anything for you". Bella should have instead been fixated on freeing her phone line for Jacob to call. He wouldn't. I knew that, but she did not.

"Does it matter?"

"Well…no. I can cover for you. But as your friend, I was hoping you would tell me." Bella answered softly through the phone. Her guilt trip was successful. So of course, I lied.

"I am meeting up with a guy I am dating. It's pretty new, but we are excited to see each other. I don't want to go into details yet though. I will let you in on more after I visit him! Thank you so much for covering for me! You are a real-life saver!" I felt too Jessica like with my lie. The description of the lie seemed appropriate for her character, but…it felt off. Most importantly, Bella bought it. That was all that mattered in the end. My plans were set in motion. I just had to wait out a month to seal my path forward.

….

The next week at school was not a regular school schedule. Students primarily just showed up for their finals and then they were done with school until January. It was a lucky break. I was reprieved from witnessing Bella's new upset obsession of Jacob 'temporarily' cutting her off. I counted myself fortunate that she didn't bring it up when I rang her on Sunday night. So far it seemed Jessica was successfully remaining out of the loop, as it should be.

I was one of the unlucky seniors with a Friday final. When I finished my last exam, I came across Angela and Bella in the school parking lot. It was the first I had seen Bella since meeting at the movie theatre last week. She looked like a wreck. Not as terrible as during her major depressed stage post the Edward break-up, but she could definitely be classified as unkept with her current look. One could justify it was finals week, so she went in with a relaxed appearance; but this look hardly cut the mustard with that excuse.

_To each their own though, I suppose._

As soon as I approached the two of them, Angela's eyes were silently communicating to me 'get me out of here'. She excused herself from the conversation before I could even say hello. She bid us farewell and literally jogged away as if she couldn't escape fast enough.

"Bella…how did your finals go?" I asked politely. I was wondering if I should follow Angela's lead and also take off soon too.

"Jessica, it's Jake. He has been avoiding me. I don't understand why he is ignoring me. Sam and that gang in La Push are keeping him from me. First, he was "_sick_", and now he won't see me. He promised he wouldn't hurt me just last week, Jessica!" Bella shared with me through a choked-up voice and tears in her eyes.

_Yikes. I get why Angela ran like a bat out of hell out of here._

"I am sure it is a misunderstanding. Jacob adores you. I could automatically tell when you both walked up together towards Mike and I at the movie theatre."

_That's a lie. I know your love life more than I should thanks to you being a character in a book series I once loved. Like I could admit that though!_

"Give him some space and things will turn around. You have other friends, Bella. You can rely on us too." That could have been a mistake telling her.

"I know, you are right. I will do better to remember that. You are a good friend, Jess. Thanks for your support."

_Why do people resort to_ _calling me 'Jess' without my permission?_ _Even if it is a term of endearment, I don't want it._

I swallowed my bitter retort and instead went with, "You're welcome, _Isabella_."

"Sorry! I forgot you prefer Jessica." Bella blushed in embarrassment.

"No problem. Keep your cool with Jacob though. I am sure the confusion will be cleared up soon and you can resume your budding "_friendship"_ with him." I threw out an over the top wink at Bella.

She scoffed at me. "It's not like that, Jessica!" Bella's protest fell on deaf ears. I knew the truth of what would go down in the future. I laughed in response and she glared at me playfully. We left each other's presence in good spirits.

…

I planned to sleep in Saturday morning as a well-deserved award for kicking ass on all of Jessica's finals. That was disrupted when Daniel barged into Jessica's room announcing a friend had come to visit her. Daniel jumped on the bed enthusiastically announcing repeatedly '_Jessie has a friend_'. He was very accurate in his aim. Throughout all his jumping around on the mattress, he avoided planting his feet on any limb of my body. I let it go on for another ten seconds before I snatched his ankles and pulled him off his feet. When Daniel's back hit the mattress safely, he erupted in a fit of giggles.

"I would get even with you now, but it is too early," I yawned while rubbing my eyes. I had no desire to get out of bed yet. "Who is here and why do I have to get up?"

"Hi, uh, Jessica." Bella walked into my room with a casual attire no different than her normal school clothes, a baseball cap on and a backpack slung around her shoulder. I abruptly became very alert.

"Did I mess up? Did I miss a final? I thought yesterday was my last one!" The panic set in. I must have made mistake and was off on what I perceived was the finals schedule.

_Is today actually Friday? Did I f*** up?!_

Bella laughed, a full, carefree sound. She was delighted by my panic it seemed. _Rude!_

"No, you took your last final yesterday, on Friday. It _is_ Saturday. Everything is right in the world. I am here to invite you on a hike." This was unexpected. I knew I would regret advising her to rely on her other friends. There were _other_ options aside from me though.

Bella continued, "Yesterday you mentioned I needed to rely on my other friends more and you are right. Can I show you somewhere special to me this morning? The hike there and back should have you back home by the mid-afternoon."

_Now I am in a conundrum. What do I do?_

"Are you sure you want to go with Jessie? You don't look…like a hiker." I forgot Daniel was in the room.

"Don't be rude, Daniel." He needed to learn to have better manners with girls. Teaching him young will be in his best interest.

"It's true! Jessie runs almost every day. She usually logs in SIX miles each run. You may not be able to keep up with her." Daniel was the only exception to my "call me Jessica" rule. When I tried to correct him from calling me Jessie the first time, he balled a lot of tears and stopped talking to me for three days. I had to give in.

"Daniel, it's a hike, not a running race. Alright, let me talk with Bella alone please. Or else 'Jessie' will not finish the Prisoner of Azkaban for you later tonight." The mild threat had him on his feet and scurrying out of the room before I finished saying "Azkaban".

"_Jessie_?" Bella baited me. After all the flack I was known for correcting others to call me 'Jessica', I knew she would not let it go.

"I was emotionally blackmailed by the lil sucker." It was the truth and my only exception.

"He's cute. You seem like a good big sister."

_I had a great role model…_

"Ha. I try. Now tell me more about this hike you mentioned..."

_Has she visited Jacob yet? If not, that means if I go, we shouldn't encounter Laurent. Then, the timeline will still be in tact! Or am I mixing up a scene from the New Moon movie that was not in the book? I don't even know which one this world follows! F***!_

"Hey Jessica!" Bella's voice, pitched at a higher octave, pulled me out of my whirling thoughts. "Are you listening to me? You look lost in thought."

"Oops, sorry! I was just running through my head if I had free time today." Bella's face dropped. Disappointment was written all over her face. I was now reaping what I sowed from the day before. My comforting of her put me in this situation.

_Maybe my presence will disrupt Laurent from popping up in the meadow? I actually don't even know yet if that is where she plans on taking me. She just said she wanted the destination to be a surprise to show me. It would be rude to turn her away after she chose to take the sensible advice I gave to her __for once__. I need to encourage her to keep going down the path of taking Jessica's sound advice. Which I __actually__ should probably limit in the future to avoid putting myself in a pickle such as this one!_

"I finished mentally checking. Looks like I am free. Let's go for a hike! It sounds like fun. Thank you for thinking of me to invite. I just need to change." Bella gave me a pleased expression.

"I'll wait for you downstairs. Your mom actually offered me a donut when I came in that I may take her up on."

"Good. I am glad to see you have an appetite again." Bella's eyebrows flicked up in surprise. She offered me a middle finger instead of a polite hand wave when she exited my room.

_Touchy._

I clamored through my closet to find appropriate hiking clothes for December.

_This may turn out okay after all. There is no way we can make it to the meadow this time of year. We have had snow the past couple days! I bet we don't even make a dent of a mile into the trip. I'll oblige her anyways!_

…

I was wrong. Bella was determined to show me this "precious" location to her and found work arounds to normal signs that you should turn around during your hike. We trudged on through snow that came up to our ankles and made the 4-mile journey to the meadow. The experience of the trip was uncomfortable. Not due to our small conversation, but the fact I packed way too much stuff. A lot of snacks, four water bottles, a useless map, a compass, chapstick, kleenex and an 18-inch miniature wooden baseball bat I borrowed from Daniel. I was confident we would not make it here initially, but just in case I was wrong _and_ we came across Laurent, I needed to feel I had some measure of control in defending myself.

Bella was ecstatic when a low arch made by two vine maples came into our view. She ran ahead of me and pushed past the dead ferns obstructing her path. I heard her sobbing when I proceeded to meet her in the circular meadow. The meadow was not spectacular.

_Probably due to the time of year? _

I wondered though if she found it to be so beautiful because it was such a special place for her and Edward.

"Are you happy or sad we found this place?" I placed a hand on Bella's shoulder after I asked my question.

"Both." She quietly responded to me without meeting my eyes.

"Well, it was one hell of an adventure. I would have personally quit on at least four different occasions, if I had a say. But I chose to follow your lead. Your resolve to get here is admirable. So…are you going to share the significance of this place to me or keep me in the dark? If you just wanted to show me and not explain anything about it, it won't bother me."

"I am sure Daniel would be surprised to hear that coming out of his _Jessie_." Bella gently mocked me. She was avoiding answering my question. It did not bother me since I already knew the answer. She sat down in the middle of the circular meadow and gestured her arm for me to do the same. I was not looking forward to getting my bum wet and cold, but I sat next to her on the snow blanketed field anyways.

"If you asked me at the beginning of the school year, I never would have dreamed of taking you here or us being _real _friends." Bella was opening up to me. Her words were nice, but I wasn't sure if I wanted her to continue on. "Well, a lot of things were unpredictable for me as you know. But you are _different _Jessica. I don't know why I wanted to bring you here. I feel drawn to you. You are becoming a really important friend to me. You push me. Not that I always want it, but you inspire me to be more than what level I have stooped to recently. Honestly, I felt this hole in my heart form when Edward left. Now another one is being made with what is going on with Jake. When I am with you…the holes don't see as gaping or present. I feel I am not describing this right though, sorry." She paused thoughtfully before she spoke on. "This, however, is all attributed to your change. I do not think the Jessica before I clocked you on the head with a bat would be here with me right now." She hit the nail right on the head. I didn't know how to respond to her, so I chose the path she went down shortly ago to redirect the conversation.

"Speaking of a baseball bat..." I pulled out the miniature baseball bat I brought for self-defense from my backpack.

"Are you planning on getting even with me now?" Bella snickered. I shook my head and laughed amusingly.

"It's for our protection. In case we came across that **BIG bear** roaming the woods that the town has been talking about."

Bella's eyes went dead.

_Did I say something to trigger her? Or did she forget about the news before we came out here and now she is scared?_

Bella's eyes would not return in my direction. Her mouth was ajar. "Bella, hey! Are you okay?" I asked concernedly. I turned to face what was holding her focus. _Laurent! _I would have not recognized him immediately, if I hadn't smartly drawn my attention to his eyes. They were blood red and hungry. My body was paralyzed with fear as I suspected Bella's was.

_Do I act natural or do we run? She doesn't know I know he is a vampire. _

I was grateful I already had the baseball bat out, so it didn't look suspicious that I was gripping it intensely.

_I cannot betray my knowledge o_f _the Twilight Series, but I must still defend myself and Bella. Hopefully the wolves will come to aid us soon.__** And shit! **__I don't need to be brought into that world either_

I watched in awe as Laurent approached us. I grossly miscalculated what drove the story forward. There was no correct pattern or timeline I could abide by from now on- if I survived this. Bella remained still by my side. I had to count out her use for my exit strategy plan. She was as useless as a knife without a blade for the time being. I worked up my courage and swallowed my fear, the next words out of my mouth had to be a perfect act of ignorance and persuasion.

"Bella, do you know the man approaching us?" I asked cautiously. I was careful to not betray any nervousness in my voice. I used the question to prompt her to say _anything_ to me. Bella would not respond though. She didn't even say we should run.

_What the f***, Bella? Trying to get me killed too? Is she too busy f***ing talking to 'Edward' in her head right now to respond to me? I am going to kick the shit out her if we survive this._

"So, it is you Bella. I didn't expect to see you here. Who is your friend?" Laurent's voice was hauntingly charming when he spoke.

"Bella's friend here. Sorry to be rude, _whoever you are_, but Bella and I are having some girl time. Can you get back in touch with her at a more convenient space? Like maybe a public area in Forks? You're really giving off some creepy vibes." I cast an annoyed look in Laurent's direction. I hoped my ruse would allow him to try a different opportunity to snack on Bella.

"Come on Bella, let's go. We still have more to discuss. Like the date **Edward** has planned for you this evening. Aren't boyfriends _always_ over the top with how much time they want to spend with you?" I slipped that in so that it sounded like I was a friend _trying_ to hint to some stranger Bella had a boyfriend, but the reality was I was feeding Laurent the lie that Edward was still protecting Bella so he wouldn't dare to mess with us.

"I noticed the Cullen's place was empty though." He was either trying to bate her or expose my lie. I yanked Bella up by the crook of her elbow and forced her to get on her feet with me. I was growing irritated by her lifelessness.

"No shit. They moved to a different part of town. We're leaving now." I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her with me to exit the meadow the same direction we came in. I prayed my bravery paid off and Laurent would strike at another time.

"Oh… well, Victoria says hi, Bella." Laurent's voice was smooth and confident. He expected to get Bella's attention with his last remark. And he did. Bella stopped allowing me to pull her hand. She shook my hand off of hers.

"It's okay, Jessica. Go on ahead without me. I know Laurent. I'll catch up to you after we have a quick chat." Bella's body was shaking. She was scared.

_Is she trying to sacrifice herself for me?_

"If you're going to stick around to talk to him, I am staying with you." Bella's brown doe eyes widened at my response.

"No, Jessica. Please go." I shook my head at her. I was not abandoning her. She looked back at Laurent who was giving us both a fierce smile that showed off all his teeth.

"_Run. Please, Jessica._" Bella begged in a hushed voice while trying to remain calm. There was no way I was abandoning her though.

"Bella_ and_ friend, no need to be afraid of me. Why not join me for a snack? I was just on a hunt."

"What? Trying to catch something with your bare hands?" I snapped at him. I knew he was, but Jessica was not supposed to know that. "I don't care who you are. You are really giving off some bad vibes and you are scaring Bella." I stepped in front of Bella and shielded her from Laurent's view. I then tapped the wooden bat into the palm of my left hand. I would do my best to defend her until the wolves came. If they would.

"Please leave us alone or I will use this bat to beat the shit out of you, you psycho."

_Yup._ _There is no way he is leaving us now. His eyes look like they are made up on the fact that we are his next meal. If I am going to go out this way, I am at least going to put on a show and give it all I have…despite having a 0% chance for survival._

Laurent's face held an indescribable fury. He was probably getting sick of me mouthing off to him. Before I could strike a pathetic defensive block, Laurent rushed me and pushed me out of his way. My back landed on a nearby tree. I heard a loud cracking noise.

_Did I break something? I am definitely f**ked now. _

But to my relief, it looked like I just snapped a branch in half that was a part of the tree when I landed on it. The impact dealt a rush of pain all over my body. The adrenaline coursing through my veins was ordering me to fight on despite it. I got up and locked eyes on Laurent whispering too close to Bella's neck. Bella was not fighting him. She was complacent to offer her life and just give up.

_Like hell I am going to let her._

I pushed my body to an all-out sprint with the baseball bat still tightly grasped by my right hand. Laurent was so enamored with the idea he was finally going to taste Bella's precious blood, that he didn't factor in that I would be back so soon for the fight. As soon as Bella whispered, "I love you, Edward," I arrived just in time to shove the baseball bat in Laurent's mouth to prevent his teeth from sinking into her.

_Where the f*** are Jacob and the pack?!_

His bite snapped the wood bat in half. I pushed Bella out of his reach. "What the f*** is your problem!?" I questioned him. I didn't know long how I could keep up the pretense of my ignorance to the vampire world in this situation.

Before Laurent could answer me, he shifted his body to face the woods. "I don't believe it," Laurent's voice spoke lowly in disbelief.

_They are here! Thank god. We are safe now._

"What are you, high?!" I exclaimed rather dramatically. It was the last line of my splendid act. I pretended to pass out from 'succumbing to my body's internal wounds'. Which I was sure I had to a certain extent. I wanted to make sure I missed Laurent disappearing in a speed too fast to be explained he was human. Bella was the only one of us who got to witness the appearance of the wolves. I heard a variety of growls that were loud and then quieted down after I presumed they were tracking Laurent.

All the wolves did not leave us though. I heard Bella gasp.

_I wonder if she is locking eyes with Jacob now in his transformed state?_

I was trying to figure out how long I needed to stay down before I could miraculously regain consciousness. A great sign would have been Bella checking in on me. But she had yet to touch my body or call Jessica's name.

A whimpering noise from a canine echoed in my ear. _Is that Jacob? Is he still here?_ A cold and wet slimy texture rubbed my forehead. I had to resist opening my eyes.

"Oh yeah! Jessica." _Geez Bella, thanks for forgetting about me. _I felt Bella kneel by my side and put her hand over mine.

_I__s she not still freaked out by this large wolf? She had to have been! Maybe I missed her reaction. Or does she already sense it is Jacob?_

I felt something push my body forward. It didn't feel like Bella's arms though.

"Do you want me to put her on your back?" Bella asked.

_Why__ is Bella talking to a wolf like it is a fricken friend? Be scared, Bella! Make it go away! __Why me!? Perhaps, if I mumble her name and slowly wake up then Jacob can run off, so I do not see him? Okay, here goes nothing. _

I began with a long, drawn out groan. The wolf's nose removed itself from my forehead. "Bella…" I slowly muttered. I heard a whooshing sound. _He must have taken off._

"Jessica!" I finally let my eyelids flutter open. No wolf was in my presence.

_Avoid another supernatural close encounter? Check!_

"Did I scare that psycho off?" I asked hoarsely. I was really milking my act.

"You…and something else," Bella answered in a distant voice as her eyes searched the dense woods behind me. She then began to assess my body for my external wounds. I was sure nothing was broken. I could imagine I would end up with a lot of bruises and a severe soreness would soon set in thanks to that tree that cushioned the push Laurent gave me.

"I can get up. Let's just go home." Bella gave me a weird look as if she was questioning why I wasn't asking her more about Laurent and what happened. "We can talk about what just happened in more length another time. Right now, I just want to concentrate on making it home. Okay?"

"Okay," Bella replied calmly.

We never talked about it after that though.

….

A week had passed since Bella and I had encountered Laurent in the meadow. Bella promised me she would call me soon after she dropped me off at the house after our hike. She needed to tell Charlie about the large wolves she encountered in the woods.

She never called me. I assumed she soon found out Jacob's secret and set our friendship on the back burner. That didn't bother me though. I kept my focus on counting down the days until I flew out to Helena. The time flew by fast. I spent most of the past week picking up shifts at the movie theatre. It was a busy time with kids off school and the holiday season coming up. I worked, I read to Daniel, and did some research on the Stanley computer when I had time. I only regretted I hadn't been able to run. My body was _too sore_ after Laurent's attack. I had to allow the bruises to heal and the soreness to fade. The wait to be able to run was killing me. It was the one solid reminder I constantly had that I was Katie Smith. When the wind hit my face, my feet pounded the pavement, and my breath would quicken, I felt alive. I knew who I was. I was Katie Smith running for the joy of it before resuming the normalcies of life.

It was December 19th, my last Saturday before being forced to leave for Jessica's grandparents' house for Christmas vacation. I couldn't ignore my desire anymore. I was sure my legs were capable of carrying this body for a run. A short run, or jog, but it would still count. Jessica's parents or Daniel didn't prevent me from leaving the house. They didn't know the injuries I suffered a week before. My bruises were well hidden in normal winter attire. Otherwise they would have protested. Everyone in the Stanley household had increased their affection towards Jessica immensely since I first inhabited her body. They hardly acknowledged Jessica in the beginning and then after my relationship with Daniel improved, her parents started to engage with me more. Jessica's mom wanted to know more about my school life and asked me to bake with her often. Jessica's dad doted on me and liked asking me to watch Wheel of Fortune with him after he got home from work. I felt bad for deceiving them and pretending to be their daughter. A part of me really enjoyed the affection from parents though. I tried to not let it distract me from my goal.

I started my run as usual and even dared to go in the woods. At first, I contemplated turning around before my shoes touched the soil, but I felt confident I would be okay with the wolves on the prowl for Victoria in the woods. Everything went seamlessly until it didn't. I was able to stay on my go-to path until I felt an eerie presence. I was being watched. I don't know how I knew, but my arm hair was standing up and my neck stiffened. Jessica's body was warning me.

I wasn't going to be dumb this time and ignore a bad sign. I immediately turned around and picked up my speed. My once slow trot turned into a full out sprint. Jessica's body was not ready for anything more than a trot, but I convinced it our survival counted on running like our life depended on it. I felt the weight of my fear in every step thumping on the ground. It was wearing me down. I persisted to keep up my speed though.

My path was suddenly cut off and I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. My heart began to rapidly race and despite breathing in and out, I couldn't feel the oxygen flowing through my lungs. Each second passing heightened the fear I was trying to combat. A massive and terrifying looking wolf in the distance was preventing me from returning home on the marked running trail.

_Be rash, Katie. It **won't** harm you. You can calm down. It is a member of…_ my brain focused on taking in that the wolf's fur coat was a reddish-brown color.

_Reddish brown…? Jacob?_

The wolf's dark eyes intensely stared in mine. My body ceased to tremble when my view of observing this once monstrous creature shifted to seeing an old friend from a storybook.

_I don't know what I am supposed to do? Run in the opposite direction? Is he telling me it is dangerous if I go down that path? And here I was thinking I was running away from the danger and not towards it._

I decided my best bet was to find another path. I cautiously walked closer to Jacob. "I don't know what it is, but I think you're trying to protect me and tell me not to go down this path. Maybe I am wrong though? Whatever it is, thank you." I gently smiled at Jacob and nodded my head in thanks. I turned around and decided to find a new path.

_The only issue is I am only familiar with one way in and out of this area. It is a long shot, but maybe I can ask…_

"I don't know how to get out of here any other way. Can you point me to where I should go to get back to Forks?" Jacob just stared at me. He was giving me nothing.

_Of course, he is not. Duh, Katie. Let's figure this out myself. It is not his problem. He did his job._

"Wow I am talking to a wolf like it can actually hear me. How stupid can I be? I will just figure this out myself." I turned around and started to re-walk the path I originally was on. I had no idea where I was going. Rain and snow weren't in the forecast when I had checked earlier, so the weather was at least in my favor. Jessica's body was really hurting after I pushed it into a sprint earlier. I was in no condition to run and could only walk out of the woods.

When I looked back, Jacob's wolf form graciously walked toward me. The reason he chose to approach escaped me. Something inside me desired to reach out to feel the soft fur that was tempting me to assess its fuzziness. My body on whim instructed my hand to reach for the fur behind Jacob's left ear. He recoiled from my attempt to touch him. I felt the heat of embarrassment rise in my body. I could not believe I actually tried to engage him in his wolf form- it was dangerous. I could not forget the tale of Emily and Sam. And I was no Bella, so Jacob probably did not have the same restraint for controlling his anger in his wolf form. _And why would he towards me? I am nobody to him, as I should be._

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked to break the silence. I was grateful he was going to help me out after all. His fuzzy head nudged me to a path I never took before. It was around 500 feet to the left of the path I usually went down. I trusted Jacob though. Once he forced me on the path, I heard a large howl in the distance.

_Maybe he is being summoned? He is probably wasting time giving me help._

Jacob did not leave immediately though. He stood tall on the path and kept his eyes on me before my body was hardly in his view. I turned around and saw the red-brown blur was no longer on the path behind me.

The walk back was calm. I took longer for my "run" than expected, so I came home to Jessica's concerned parents and a weepy Daniel. I hadn't been gone that much longer than my usual run time, but they were worked up about it. I was surprised they counted the time of my absence. This was something I needed to factor in the future.

After dinner, I took a bath and was ready to fall asleep. My body could not even compare to how tired my mind was over the day's events. Before I could settle in bed, Jessica's mom announced Bella was on the phone for me.

"Hello?" I asked nervously when I took the phone in my hand. We hadn't talked in a week.

_Did Jacob inform her of what happened today?_

"Hi Jessica. Long time no talk." _What is Bella up to?_

"Ha, yeah. What's up?"

"We haven't talked since last week."

"We have not."

"Do you want to come over tomorrow? We should talk about everything that happened."

"Actually, I am leaving to my grandparent's tomorrow."

"How about tonight then? We can have a sleep over at my house?"

"I didn't take you for the sleep over type," I joked over the phone.

"You're right, I am not. I would really like to talk to you though. Jacob is over right now too. He should be leaving soon enough- right Jake?" I heard Jacob's laugh in the background.

_I knew he put her up to checking in on me!_

"I am glad to see you guys are back on good terms. I don't want to interfere with you guys hanging out…"

"No! It's fine. We hang out _all _the time anyways. I really want to catch up with you. _Please_, Jessica?" Bella pleaded with me over the phone.

"Let me check with my parents. They were peeved I came home late from a run, so I don't know if they will let me or not." Even though Bella guilted me into at least asking Jessica's parents, I felt confident enough they would be mad enough at me to say "no". I was surprised they said I could. Jessica's mom was happy I was good friends with I quote, "a nice girl like Bella". I was positive she would have rethought that if she knew the vampires and wolves entangled with Bella's world.

"They said I can." I did not have the will power to sound that enthusiastic with my response. I was hoping with time Bella would never bring up what happened in the meadow. "What time should I head over?"

I was positive I wasn't supposed to hear the "muffled" conversation that occurred next over the speaker of my phone.

"Now," Jacob demanded.

"Jake, no. You need to leave first before she comes over," Bella asserted.

"I want to stay. I haven't seen her in my human form since we saw the movie." It must have been my imagination, but it sounded as if Jacob was slightly whining in his previous statement.

"Why do you care to see her? I will find out what you want to know for you," Bella retorted.

"_Bells_, come on. I want to hear it for myself." I was curious to see if Jacob's soothing words would persuade Bella.

"Fine. Fine. I'll tell her now."

"Hey, sorry for the long pause Jessica. How about now?" Bella asked me in a strained pleasant voice over the phone.

"Sure…I'll get my stuff together and be over in 20." I cursed myself silently for agreeing to spend the night. I just knew I was going to regret whatever hot mess of a situation that was going to unfold with Bella and Jacob that evening.

* * *

**9.13.2019** \- Revisions/Edits to text made for reading improvement.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Author's Note: _**_Not much to note here. Compared to previous chapters, this one feels super short. So, I am interested to see if people are still interested in shorter chapters/faster updates jive. _

_**Also**, I am beta testing something. Going to respond to reviews from the previous update. So, if you were one of them, please scroll past this chapter's ending for my response. I enjoy reviews but if you read and do not review, itz cool too. __ Thanks for the follows and favorites. Enjoy! – Lalaland972_

* * *

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 6**

I felt a knot growing in my stomach the closer I was to arriving at Bella's house. I was heading into unfamiliar territory. This was not a New Moon event. Being unprepared was making me a nervous wreck. I needed to keep a level head though. I was trying to stay positive and think I was building up nothing into something.

The knot was still _very_ present when I knocked on the front door of the Swan household. I focused so much on the tightness of the knot that the fact I was wearing a thin hoodie over my pajamas in the dead cold of December alluded me. I wished to remain staring at the royal blue wooden door, that showed signs of paint chipping, for much longer than I was allowed.

Charlie answered the door to my relief. I still had time to bide. It was the first time I set eyes on him since I arrived in Forks. He sort of looked like Bella. Same dark brown hair, brown eyes and ability to portray aloofness easily. I always liked Charlie's character. I believed he deserved better treatment in the books and more time with his daughter then he got before she was _married _and _turned into a vampire_. I was biased though because I would have cherished that time with my own father had I been allowed it.

"_Jessica_." Charlie stood blocking the entranceway into the house. His voice was chillier than the weather outside. As I began to shiver, I wondered which of the two did it stem from.

"Chief Swan," I replied politely with a tight smile. I wasn't sure where he was steering the conversation or why he wasn't letting me inside.

_Am I in trouble? _

"I am going to step outside for a bit and we are going to have a chat." Charlie's serious tone was adding to the anxiety I was already feeling upon arriving at the house.

Charlie stared until I finally took the hint to take a few steps back to allow him to exit the house and close the front door. My blood pressure was rising at an astronomic rate.

_I am way too young to be dealing with such stress_!

It crossed my mind that Edward, in a similar position after New Moon, must have felt ten times worse actually being able to hear Charlie's disdain for him. At least he knew why. I was completely in the dark for how I wronged Charlie _or_ Bella. I was_ really_ starting to look forward to the Stanley vacation I was going to begin tomorrow. A vacation from the Twilight life was _very welcomed_ and _well needed_.

Finally, Charlie broke the silence. "Look, Jessica, this is hard for me to admit since I am a father and all...but I failed Bella after Edward left. I thought given time she would be okay. When I noticed Bella brightening up again, I assumed time was the healer. Then there was Jacob. I didn't realize...you were the root factor for her recovery." Charlie mumbled his words at the ground. He would not meet my face.

"It was hard to watch Bella endure all that suffering. I felt helpless aside rousing her from her nightmares."

_Geez Charlie is oversharing too much personal information._

I already knew that from the books, but still. "Thank you for helping my daughter. She means the world to me." Charlie finally picked his head up and met my eyes. My heart strings began to tug. Tears were pooling in his eyes. He didn't allow them to fall, but I could tell he was struggling not to. I selfishly wondered in that moment if my dad would have felt the same for me in reverse situations. I hardly knew my father since he died when I was so young. I never would have that experience to draw off of.

I mentally shook off all my emotions in that moment. "You care a lot about Bella. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have a caring father. I am happy I could be there to support her." I let the corners of my lips curl up into a smile despite the sadness they should have embodied.

"Well, that's enough of that." Charlie wiped his index fingers under his eyes in one swift movement. I blinked. Then in front of me was the Chief Swan persona and not a father tearing up with concern over his daughter.

"Bella and Jacob are in the living room. Jacob's going to spend the night as well. Billy isn't feeling well. Would that bother your parents? He will be sleeping in a separate room then you girls, of course."

_Wow. I never experienced a boy-girl sleepover in high school. That was taboo._ _Charlie must really have a soft spot for Jacob to allow this as a father. Bella did not mention this over the phone though..._

The knot in my stomach flared up again to remind me it was still present and not on board with my reckless decision to be at the Swan house.

"They wouldn't mind," I lied without any hesitation. I didn't know that for sure. I figured since I was already here, I should just get the information request ordeal over with or this knot could be accompanying me over the Christmas vacation.

Charlie finally led me into the house. "Great. There are plenty of snacks in the kitchen and uh, enjoy yourself."

"I will. Is the living room this way?" I asked him as I was stuck between choosing to proceed into one of two rooms.

He pointed to the path I wasn't leaning towards. I nodded my head in thanks and proceeded to lug my sleepover gear to the lion's den.

I walked into an awkward scene of Jacob tickling Bella. They knew I was on my way over soon. I rolled my eyes and cleared my throat with a loud empahsis to interrupt them. When Jacob removed himself off of Bella's body he had pinned to the ground, his bodily transformation could not be ignored.

He doubled in size. His once lean, tall and tan frame finally supported the muscles it was destined to hold. It was a drool worthy transformation not given enough credit in the books. I was not going to allow myself to fawn over him..._outwardly_.

"_**Wow,** Jacob_; lay off the protein shakes. I think you doubled in size since we last met," I joked with him after an exaggerated head bobbing of checking out his body. I had to acknowledge the transformation given our last human encounter. It would have been weird to ignore it.

Jacob's eyebrows raised in amusement. He cocked his head to the side as a daring smile spread across his face. "I told you I would bulk up," he replied smugly. I was winding up to douse out the self-assured twinkle in his eyes.

"I guess _some_ girls prefer that look," I retorted with a playful humor to my tone. Bella looked between us both with an unreadable expression.

_Oops. I shouldn't let myself get caught up in banter with Jacob... It's rude to Bella and that is not what I am here for. _

"_Anyways_, I am glad to see you guys are hanging out again. Bella was really concerned about you, Jacob." Bella's brown eyes narrowed as they locked with mine. I think they were warning me not to say so much about that time.

_Double oops_.

"_Oh_, was she now?" Cocky Jake made a reappearance as he probed Bella in the ribs with his elbow. His confidence with her was unparalleled with the continued absence of Edward. I was rooting for him.

"_Okay_, love birds." Another dark look from Bella was shot in my direction. This one was communicating I was almost crossing a line. "_Just kidding_. So, what did you summon me for Bella?"

"Well... we never really got to talk about what happened last Saturday. I am sorry I didn't check in with you sooner. I also wanted to explain about Laurent." I resisted the urge to release a heavy sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers.

_If I give her what she really wants, I bet I can excuse myself from this sleep over. _

"Don't worry, I figured it out all for myself," I informed Jacob and Bella calmly while spreading my attention between the two.

_I am not a fan of what I planned on the way over here, but I have to try it._

"You did?" Bella asked bewildered and turned to look at Jacob. Jacob's tan complexion paled a little bit. If that was _even_ possible. It didn't make sense as to why he would be nervous to me though.

"Yeah. I assume Laurent is someone you encountered from one of your crazy adrenaline seeking stunts and you planned never to see him again. He stalked us and confronted us in the meadow. His psycho ass must have been high. Especially when he was trying to bite your neck. **What a creep, Bella!** I hope you learned your lesson. We were lucky those pack of wolves scared him off and didn't approach us. I hope your father is hunting for that guy more so than those wolves."

Bella's face slowly shifted from worried to relieved during my well thought out speech. "He is. He gets really upset if someone brings it up. I'll let you know if I hear any news about them capturing Laurent." Bella made the smart choice and played along with my absurd narrative. I doubted she had a better one for me.

"If that's it, why don't I go home? I can let you guys continue to hang out alone."

"**No!**" They both shouted in unison.

"Oh, is there more?" I was exhausted. My knot was finally untying itself and I _just_ wanted to enjoy the rest of its unwinding in Jessica's bed.

"Yes. Have you been running lately? In the woods?"

_Ah. Here it is. _

"Today was my first day back since recovering from my injuries."

"_Injuries?!_" Jacob interjected with dark eyes fading from glowing amusement to a wild fury.

"One usually sustains them when being forcefully shoved into a tree," I replied smartly. I was surprised this was news to Jacob. I assumed Bella would have told him everything that occurred in the meadow.

I noticed the veins in Jacob's neck pulse and his arms start to quiver. He took a deliberate deep breath and all the involuntary movements from his body ceased. I guess he was not angry enough to be unable to control whatever he was feeling. Good for us, but it was weird to me that what I said would rise that reaction from him in the first place.

Jacob kept his voice level as he followed up his previous question. "What happened?" I darted my gaze away from his eyes that phased into a neutral territory. I looked at Bella's wide eyes clouded in guilt and apprehension. Before I could reply, Bella found the nerve to answer Jacob's question.

"_Guess_ I forgot to mention Jessica was shoved out of the way..._into a tree_...when shielding me from Laurent." Shame was etched in every tick of Bella's expression that was now directed to the ground. "I am sorry Jessica I involved you. Thank you for standing up for me and saving me," Bella whispered her apology before looking up to meet my eyes. I offered her a soft smile that was intertwined with my message of forgiveness.

"Yes, the bat! What a move and quick thinking!" Jacob gushed over my heroics, oblivious to Bella and I's moment. His enthusiasm sounded as if he had a front row seat to the show and did not hear about it from Bella.

"Three summers of softball camp prepared me to fulfill my destiny." I made a mocking Superman pose. I was just missing my cape. "To get back on track though... I'm mostly recovered from the soreness and bruises. I went for my first "run" today. Why?" I could easily predict where this conversation was going.

Jacob took the lead and responded instead of Bella. "The Quileute Tribe is partnering with the Forks Police Department to ramp up security in the area because of the larger wolves. My tribe is requesting that individuals don't venture in there for the time being. It is too unsafe." In other words, Jacob's pack didn't want to waste their resources protecting dum-dums like me wondering in the woods as fresh bait for Victoria.

"I didn't know this. I'll keep my runs to the pavement for the time being until things die down." I was sad I would have to find a new route but knew it was for the best.

The interrogation had finally ceased, and I insisted I go to bed. I gave up on the notion of driving myself back to Jessica's house because I was afraid I would fall asleep at the wheel despite the 10-minute drive time. Bella and Jacob protested at first, but they eventually gave up when they witnessed one too many yawns coming from me while they attempted to engage me in their fluff conversation.

I giddily plopped myself on Bella's bed after I brushed my teeth. Heading straight to Bella's while still in my PJs was the only good decision I made all day. Under the covers and with my head on a soft pillow that smelled like Snuggle fabric softener, I let sleep take over.

My desire to sleep the whole night away in one shot crumbled quickly when Bella showed up to sleep. She did not wake up me when she joined me in her bed. I would have preferred that. Instead my ears were assaulted with her agonizing screams.

I had been dreaming of the first day of work at RTD, the consulting firm I passed through one phone call and two in person interviews to land a job at as Katie Smith. It was not going well. They read the intro bio I thought I deleted and requested "I sing" a song for them. I started singing and one my co-workers started screaming because I was so awful. The screaming soon called me from my own nightmare, and I realized it was actually coming from Bella's mouth. It was a chilling sound and not one a father should have to wake up to nightly to run and comfort his daughter from her nightmares.

I didn't know what to do after my initial reaction to cover my ears. Driven by instinct, I wrapped my hands around her back and cross linked them across her upper chest. I whispered, "you'll be okay" in her left ear that was partially covered by her matted hair. I continued to repeat it softly as her screaming slowly died down and eventually stopped. I don't know how, but she remained asleep the entire time.

I had a weird suspicion we were being watched, so I looked up to Bella's bedroom door. In the door's threshold I found Jacob and Charlie staring at me. I never heard them open the door. Each wore a different expression. Charlie's face, illuminated by the moonlight that shone through the bedroom window, had relieved and thankful written all over it. Jacob's face was initially harder to read since the same light didn't reach his face. I hardly could detect it at first, but when he took another step forward and moonlight bounced off his eyes, a dejected look was on display. The girl who he was in love with was still broken hearted over her previous love. He always knew it but witnessing it on this subconscious level for Jacob, I speculated, shook him to his core.

I mouthed to them both "she is okay now" and they took their leave. Jacob was slower in leaving. As if he was struggling to understand this side of Bella he had yet to witness. When they both were gone and Bella was peacefully asleep, I began to pull back my arms from being wrapped around her. Her hands immediately grabbed around my forearms and prevented me from doing so. I sighed to myself. I was tired enough that I was sure I could still fall asleep in the awkward position. I was right.

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_Review Reponses by Lalaland972:_

**twin268:** Thx for your input and all your reviews this far! Not sure if it was obvious or not what he wanted. I would say (1) Jake wanted to understand her take on Laurent and see if she figured out he was a blood sucker (2) Warn her to not go running in the woods anymore (3) on some level see if she would bring up their encounter to Bella during Jessica/Katie's run

**bpopa7110:** More is here! Only two days later too!

**Guest:** I agree with you. I could have made the reaction towards the BIG wolf more realistic. I intend to tweak that at some point. I would say at this point, I think Jacob cares about Jessica because of what she has done for Bella. And maybe he had a big heart? I will admit that there will be a lot of guys gravitating to Katie/Jessica's character throughout this story. But if you look at Bella, the bar is set low to capture their attention in the first place, right? Haha Just warning you! I will work hard to give background to why there are attachments eventually because it may not be obvious to the reader at first- which is my intention.

**DxGRAYxMAN:** Interesting thought. Don't count out imprinting as a possibility in this story though. Hmmmmm….

**KimHdz:** Talk about a flattering review! Thank you for taking the time to write that. It definitely put me in the feels and made my eyes water. I am glad you are enjoying this story and found it on a whim for a good laugh. I appreciate you commenting on the character intros too! I haven't had a lot of feedback on them yet all across the board. I hope you continue to enjoy and are not disappointed at some point!

**Ginkgo00:** Your next update is hot off the press! Thank you for your reviews and encouraging praise of my writing. It is really appreciated!

**Hmz0975:** Thanks for the input and the support. I hope you continue to enjoy!

**Whatkooloser**: Did this chapter satisfy your "OOOOoooooOOOO what"?! And thanks for the feedback on updates!

**Treasure89**: I am glad to see you're picking up on that! I am biting my tongue not to reveal more about the meadow scene because there is more to be detailed on that later. Can't give too much away ;) Right now I think won't bring up Bella seeing Edward again unless it feels natural. I think Katie/Jessica is hoping to avoid Bella's thrill-seeking antics. I don't expect there to be crazy jealousy from Bella either. I think Bella is not used to "sharing" these guys she wraps herself into. So when their attention is not on her, she grows self-conscious. Not 100% certain, but I think canon = out of story line? If so, I think mostly canon is ahead until after Katie goes to Helena. Then original scenes and some mixed with canon unfold. Don't hold me to this if I change my mind in future chapters! Lol

**JustmePMM:** I hope you like how the conversation unfolded!


	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Note i: _**_This chapter and the next one are shortys but are important in defining Katie/Jessica's journey forward in the Twilight-verse. I disliked this one when I first wrote it, but now I like it. I hope you do as well. Enjoy! – Lalaland972_

* * *

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 7**

When I woke up in the morning, I narrowly escaped leaving the Swan household without encountering Jacob or Bella to bid farewell to. I had to gently remove my arms from Bella's death grip without waking her up. I could not have done it quick enough. My neck was sore from sleeping on my side without a sturdy pillow under my head and I was _tired_ of having to hear Bella murmur Edward's name in the short time span of me being awake.

After I brushed my teeth, I crept past Jacob sprawled on the couch in the living room. I was required to pass through that room to enter the kitchen then finally reach the game's save point at the front door. I was almost in the clear of avoiding everyone until Charlie greeted me from across the kitchen table.

"Good morning, Jessica." He looked up from his coffee and offered me a warm smile. His mustache was sporting flecks of coffee creamer. I giggled before I could return his greeting. I pointed to my upper lip and he quickly got the hint.

"Good morning, Chief Swan."

"Not staying for breakfast? I don't cook, but I was going to offer to take you kids to the diner when everyone was up." Charlie was sweet and well intentioned. I was furthermore thankful he didn't speak more on Bella's nightmare last night.

"Thank you for the offer, but I really should be getting home. We are driving to my grandparents today to spend Christmas with them." Charlie nodded at me. "I didn't have the heart to wake Bella or Jacob…" _For good reasons!_ "Please tell them I said goodbye and enjoyed my time with them."

"Sure." Charlie was simple and I enjoyed that. He didn't need follow up or more explained. Just as he was depicted in the series. It was such a relief _one_ male character in the Twilight series was staying true to his nature.

I turned around only to find I was wrong about my assessment of Charlie.

"Jessica?" I redirected my body to face Charlie. I tried not to show I was peeved that people couldn't just let things go.

_I do it all the time in this storyline! _

"How did you do it?" I had no idea what he was talking about. My confused expression aided in his understanding he needed to be more specific in what he was asking.

"I have only gotten Bella to stop screaming if I woke her up. But you…you just held her, and she was able to calm down and still stay asleep." I couldn't be annoyed anymore. Charlie was only concerned and asked a really good question. Even though I didn't have an answer for him. Or so I thought. What left my lips next surprised both Charlie and myself.

"I think a shattered soul knows another shattered soul on a sub-conscious level. Maybe that's why she found me comforting?" That was not a Jessica Stanley answer. Charlie didn't know how to respond, rightly so. I felt guilty I unburdened that part of myself on him, so I attempted to quickly recover from it. "You know us teenage girls, one heart break with a first love and the world is ending. We will both be okay with more time." I pasted a smile on my face. It took all my will power to make it look natural and not forced in any way.

He said "right, right" wanting to change the uncomfortable topic as soon as possible.

_Likewise, Charlie, likewise._

"Thanks again for your hospitality Chief Swan and Merry Christmas."

I saw the silhouette of a figure emerging in the kitchen door and quickly darted out the front door before Charlie could finish returning the holiday wishes. I was panting from the sprint as I unlocked my Camry and threw my overnight bag inside. I turned the engine and watched Jacob appear in the front doorway. I waved casually and floored it out of the Swan's driveway.

_Crisis averted._

…

My time over Christmas break did not pass as slowly as I thought it would. I enjoyed the vacation time I spent with Jessica's family. They were _really _nice people. Her grandma showed me how to make the 'secret' recipe for the Stanley pinwheel cookie. Lard in lieu of butter and LOTS of it._ Some _secret. Her grandpa attempted to show me how to work the five different remotes for his tv and sound system, but I was able to convince him to play many games of Scrabble with me instead. I read to Daniel daily, and we were almost finished with the 'Goblet of Fire'. Jessica's mom would walk while I ran outside. Jessica's dad started to mentally prepare me for college- yes, I indulged him. I dare say, I had envy for Jessica's life. Wholesome family. No true tragedies had befallen her yet. She was a lucky girl. But I was not her.

After Christmas passed and we returned to Forks, I was able to avoid my school friends by taking double shifts at the movie theatre. They were easy to pick up when other employees had vacation to go on and the need of personnel with the busy holiday season. At first Angela called a lot to plan group hangouts, but eventually she got the hint my free time was non-existent until school started again. She bought the excuse I was saving up money for college. It was a nice way to reject her plans without making her feel like I was rejecting her as a person. I promised to make it up when school started back up.

Every time Bella called, I was "busy" or at work. I soon realized I couldn't keep avoiding her because she was my excuse for my trip to Helena. I had to play hardball with her too about my free time. She bought my excuse as easily as Angela. However, she did demand I talk with her on the phone more often at least. I had to oblige, and she would keep me in the loop about things with Jacob. Our conversations revealed to me she was content and was not heading down the path of seeking Edward on a trip over the cliff anytime soon. I knew it was coming eventually though. Jacob would spend less time with her at some point or something in general would trigger in her the desire to 'hear' from Edward again.

_What a dummy._

…

It was finally here. For months I had been waiting for this opportunity to be in front of me. I couldn't deny to myself that I was afraid to seize it, but I knew my ignorance on my situation would continue to do me no good. I needed a final decision.

_Am I still Katie, or am I to be Jessica?_

Bella was on top of it for covering for me during my weekend spent in Helena. She wished me luck with the "_boy_" I was meeting up with in our last conversation before my trip. She was weary about my decision to go on my own, but offered me her full support. I didn't tell anyone a real goodbye. Jessica's parents thought I deserved a 'fun' girl's weekend at Bella's before school started given how hard I worked over my break. Daniel was bummed I would be missing two nights of reading to him. I made sure not to promise to make it up to him in case I wasn't returning.

Traveling to Helena was more stressful than I had originally anticipated. I was traveling in a time that didn't have ubers for transportation or my credit card stored on my iPhone for paying convenience. But I made do in figuring it out since I was a 24-year old adult after all.

After I checked in my hotel after 9 pm, I decided to wait until Saturday morning to take a taxi to the gravesite.

_Thank god for all those shifts I picked up. I think most of my saved-up money is going to go to my damn cab fare while out here! I miss uber rides!_

Attempting to fall asleep that evening was almost pointless. My nerves would not allow my mind to calmly drift into sleep mode. I watched Friends reruns on the tv in my hotel room until my eyes persisted they could sleep despite the light, and my ears agreed that they could make do with the background noise.

When I woke up in the morning, the finality of the journey hit me like a ton of bricks. I had always been aware of the mission and potential conclusions of this visit, but being present in the moment made it feel more real than it had ever been before.

_Am I sure I want to know?_

I knew the answer was yes, but still doubt plagued my heart and mind.

…

Black clothes. Winter jacket. Yellow taxi cab. Nice driver. $16.34 cab ride. Gray sky. Dewy grass. Flag poles. My thoughts were incoherent and jumbled. They **weren't** buried here. My eyes beheld the empty plots in front of me in disbelief.

_Park in the Lot A. 50 paces north of the flag poles and 121 paces east of the very large oak tree. _

I knew I wasn't misremembering the directions I made and memorized when we first buried them. They were etched on my heart. Their significance made them unforgettable. There was only one conclusion.

_**My family does not exist here in this world. **_

My hands began to tremble as they patted the air where the headstone should have been. I inhaled a shallow breath, only to struggle with the next one. I had become aware of every breath in this body that was not mine. Time slowed down as the final realization of my inescapable reality had finally sunk in.

This was it.

This was my new life.

I wouldn't be able to grieve for my parents and grandparents openly.

I would _always_ be left wondering what happened to Jenna in my previous life.

At last, all the pent-up tears stifled for months were ready to break the dam. My knees fell to the soft grass and I crossed my arms around my torso and finally allowed myself to cry.

I was not the only person in that part of the cemetery for long though.

"Jessica?" A greeting and question came from an unknown figure who was sporting men's black dress shoes. I barely heard them call my name through my sobbing.

I looked up. "Edward?" My brain was about to crash thanks to his sudden appearance. It was processing too many emotions. _Grief. Confusion. Edward. Twilight. Jessica._ He knelt down next to me and asked what was wrong.

I knew I should have asked him what he was doing here, but the only thing that escaped my mouth were the continuous heart wrenching sobs. My feelings were too powerful to collect myself in front of him. I could only submit to being Katie as the long denied emotions poured out of me. He didn't follow up to his question. Instead, he just moved forward and put his arms around me. His movement had been cautious, like he expected me to push him away. And I should have refused him, but it felt so nice to be comforted in that moment that I did not listen to reason. I gave in and allowed him to move closer. Because for too long in this world I had denied myself a moment to process what I had lost by becoming Jessica Stanley.

...

Time was immeasurable. The sun was still hidden behind the clouds in the gray sky, but I wasn't sure how much time had passed while Edward held me in his arms. It could have been seconds, maybe minutes or even possibly hours. His embrace should have been cold to the touch, but my heart was warmed by the comforting feeling that I would not have even been able to tell even if I was getting freezer burn from his touch.

Eventually, my sobs calmed to a faint whimper. When I was more composed and collected, I exited his embrace and pushed his body away from mine. I said thank you to him and began to walk away.

He kept calling after me while I picked up my pace. Ignoring him was becoming more difficult and then impossible when he cut off my path. He was forcing my hand for both of us to reveal why we were here.

"Should you go first, or should I?" Edward asked me. His voice was smooth and laced with concern.

"I prefer that you do." I wanted an explanation for his unexpected appearance and needed to buy time to find a plausible excuse of why Jessica Stanley was in a cemetery 761 miles away from Forks.

"Family vacation. We just got back from visiting Glacier National Park. We are going to fly out of here tomorrow." Edward's fabricated lie was good. Almost believable, if I didn't know better. "I saw the cemetery across the street when I was walking around the down town area. I was intrigued by the architectural design of the building and variety of headstones, so I wondered over. I didn't recognize you at first, but I was curious to what kind of person would cry at the foot of empty grave plots..." Edward trailed off.

On some level I cared for the real reason, but I was too deep in my own shit to worry about speculating on why he was _really _here.

_Did he follow me? I hope not. That sounds creepy and would be totally uncalled for after he left Bella. Did Alice have a vision and he came to check on me? This is the version I hope is the correct answer. But why would Alice have a vision about me? Maybe it's in part of the friendship I have been developing with Bella? _

Edward studied my face. He was looking for a hint of what I was hiding. I kept a poker face and was prepared to lie as smoothly as he just did though when it was my turn to share.

"It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done."

But I did not. I was tired of the facade. I was running on empty of the farce I was living and shoving down my feelings every time sadness rose up thinking about my life as Katie. Edward's reaction was appropriate. It was perplexed mixed with something else. He was probably frustrated he couldn't read my mind and know everything. If he had, maybe my existence here could have been a little easier from the beginning. With just _one _person knowing my secret.

...

I stared deeply into Jessica's cerulean blue eyes when I looked into the mirror in the entry hallway of my hotel room. I was searching for something. I missed the reflection of my mother's eyes staring back into me as Katie. I missed the full lip smile I inherited from my father. I missed the right dimple in my cheek the mirrored the one Jenna had. I studiously assessed Jessica's face trying to comprehend this was my face now. I was looking for my purpose in this world. My desire to live in it.

I watched my right-hand hover over my heart in my reflection. Yes, _my_ reflection now. My broken heart was still beating. Despite the fact I felt it shatter today from pieces into small bits that seemed inconceivable to put back together. There seemed to be no healing in fully recognizing my pain- everything I had ignored when I first work up in this Twilight-verse. If I gave up, _their_ memories would be gone. They didn't exist here, but they existed in me. I had to find someway to endure the unbearable truth of who I was now.

I thought of all this as Edward continued to stare at my back. I tried to ignore him in the top right corner reflection of the mirror. I allowed him to order me a cab, walk me to my hotel room and even enter it. We remained in silence the entire time. I struggled formulating any more words to him as I battled with my own internal turmoil. He just stayed present. I don't know why, but for some reason it was welcomed. I hadn't cried in front of anyone yet or bared this part of my soul out in the open. Having him witness it didn't bother me anymore. We could both have secrets we couldn't reveal to one another and suffer in silence.

* * *

_Author's Note ii:_

_Anyone see this coming? Lol_

**_Response to Reviews:_**

**910Roses:** I am glad you found it too! Thanks for the positive review. I hope it continues to adore you

**Hmz0975:** I hope you have a lot of patience for the ultimate pairing! I am keen on developing a lot of 'relationships' to tease how it will really end. Essentially, it's going to be a bit before anything is shown. But you'll see a lot of kindlings and sweet moments that could lead to something 'potential' with suitors down the line. I don't intend to have the volturi in this story or if they do pop up in the future (cuz I guarantee future Me's actions) it will because a story line demands it but it won't have an influence over Katie/Jessica's direction. Hope this gives you some comfort?

**Deux-solitaire-loups**: I hope you continue to read and enjoy! Katie/Jessica is very cautious to not let her knowledge show, but she could slip up eventually :O

**Guest1**: Good idea! Who knows by the end she could be doing that haha

**Whatkoolser**: Jessica does get love interestS. But I wanted to make sure it's realistic. Understanding how/why other potential love interests would suddenly start liking Jessica (aside from Mike) after all this time is a delicate balance without totally throwing away the twilight plot to some degree. Jessica is still trying to figure out her Katie Smith side. Until she lets that go to a certain extent, I don't think she could accept a love interest. That has to be explained as well. I don't want to rush into anything that makes any relationship look like it went to 0-100 in three seconds. I think what we have been seeing so far is her refusing to submit to the storyline. But if she accepts she has to live as Jessica now, what would happen if she embraced it and stopped trying to avoid the storyline? Which she does a terrible job at already haha or maybe she will continue to attempt to avoid the story's precession and find herself still tangled in the plot line?

**Guest2: **Thank you for the reviews! I love when someone lets me know their thoughts on each chapter. I am glad the chapters were good enough for you to continue reading on! Please continue to enjoy!


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note i:__Well…this one was harder to write. Another 'hate when I wrote it', but when I revisited and edited it, I decided I liked it. Writing this is hard sometimes! But seriously, the reviews I read (new and old!) inspire me to soldier on and figure something out._

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 8**

"What do you think of your previous life?" Jenna asked me. We were in a white room. White walls, popcorn ceiling and tiles. The only splash of color in it were the red chairs we were sitting on. Jenna was sitting on 'Old Red'. The name was christened for the red leather chair that had been passed down in our family due to its durability despite its ugly aesthetic. I was sitting on a red plush love seat that was normally located in the Stanley's living room.

She was still waiting for me to answer her. I just stared at her. Her hair was always two shades lighter than mine and she inherited our dad's light green eyes. She was the pretty sister. The smart sister who shined and I adored her for it.

"As Katie Smith?" Jenna smiled warmly to me in response. Her smile was comforting. It encouraged me to speak my truth.

"Life was hard. I missed mom and dad. Then grandma and grandpa left us too. I worked _so_ hard to make something of myself. To not become another statistic of what happens to a child after they lose their parents at a young age. You saw me struggle to get both my degrees. But I did it. I worked so hard then I lost it all, Jenna!" I was not crying when I finished. I was frustrated by life's cruel joke on me.

"You did work hard. I was constantly worried about you_._"_ What does she mean?_

"You didn't need to be. I was just trying to make everyone proud. Including you."

"But at what cost?" Her penetrating gaze was unnerving as her green eyes shone with a fierce intensity.

"Well...I died or whatever happened to me to bring me to where I am now. So the cost was I never got to reap the rewards of what I worked so hard to earn," I stated matter-of-factly.

"That's not what I am talking about, Jessie!" _That's not right. Why is she calling me Jessie like Daniel does? _I decided to ignore it and reply immediately.

"What are you referring to then?" I asked her bewildered.

"You NEVER lived. You strived to become something that you never allowed yourself to live. You were **scared** to." _Of course, I lived. I lived to be 24 as Katie Smith. What was she going on about?_ I decided to indulge Jenna though.

"What was I _scared_ of?" She knew the answer and obviously I didn't, so it only made sense for her to tell me.

"To fail. To not have a life worth living after mom and dad died. Then grandma and grandpa's death exasperated that. You were so focused on the end goal you didn't enjoy the journey. Your relationships failed because you couldn't devote time to your friends or love life."

"Well...I didn't want to disappoint anyone."

Jenna stood up from Old Red and walked over to the love seat. She sat down next to me and cupped my right cheek. Her thumb smoothed over the dimple facial feature we both shared. "I know. I know. You missed out on so much of your youth and I didn't help you. I was caught up in my own stuff that by the time I realized what path you were on, it was too late to change you." Tears streaked Jenna's beautiful cheeks.

"I don't know what to say..." I was at a loss for words. We had never talked about this before. I thought she was happy with my success.

"It's okay. Our time is almost up anyways. Life can be short, or it can be long. It doesn't have to be measured by the material success you feel you need to have. Success can also be a happy life with lots of love in it."

"But why are you-" Jenna interrupted my question by placing her right index finger over my lips.

"Live your life. Remember, the body is only a shell. Honor me, mom, dad, grandma and grandpa by being happy. I love you, baby sis." Jenna leaned in to embrace me-

My eyes opened. I was still in the hotel bedroom. I had forgotten I laid down for a nap. The dream I just had...was trying to tell me something. I struggled to remember it all. But when I woke up, I noticed I felt less despair in my heart for some reason.

I looked over to my right and saw Edward on a couch watching some nature show on the TV. I finally had the opportunity to really take in his presence. Light jeans, black V-neck sweater, classic mid-2000 tussled hair accomplished with hair gel, and I stopped my observation there. I chided to myself that I didn't need to fixate on his appearance. "You're still here? Hopefully you weren't doing anything weird like watching me sleep."

"Sorry, no. You're no Sleeping Beauty though. You snore. _Loudly_." I laughed whole heartedly. Snoring was something Jessica and Katie shared in common. _Do I need to stop calling out our differences and similarities? I am Jessica now. _That was an eerie thought to have and one I could not yet accept so easily. _Maybe with time though I can?_

Edward turned to look at me. He seemed happy I was more upbeat after my nap. I should inform him he can leave now. He needs to return to 'hunting Victoria' and resume the New Moon storyline.

Before I could open my mouth, he asked if I wanted to grab dinner. I hesitated to say no. There was a peaked curiosity of why he was here, right now. I wondered if conversing with him over food would give me any insight. So, I accepted his invitation.

"You're paying," I informed him. He chuckled at my announcement. The hint of a smile played across his mouth. I felt a smile flicker on my own lips in return.

"If that is what it takes." He strolled gracefully to the hall closet and pulled both of our coats out off of their respective hangers. I forgot he collected them and hung them up. When we first entered the hotel room, I tossed my coat on the floor after I started roasting in the 80+ degree room temperature.

We, mostly me, decided on a sushi restaurant. Of course, I was the only one who ordered food. I didn't even bother to question why he offered to take me out while he "wasn't hungry". I didn't care for his excuse and I was not in need of an explanation.

We talked about anything but what had transpired earlier that day. I updated him on Forks, purposefully omitting any reference to Bella. If he wanted that information, he had to directly ask me.

He wove a beautiful lie about what he had been up to since leaving Forks. I stopped him short though and just asked for other details in his life. We surprisingly had a pleasant conversation. I even let go of how pissed I was at him for how he left Forks. I knew he would come back eventually and then Bella would be 'whole' again.

It dawned on me half way through our conversation that I forgot Edward was over 100 years old. Perhaps that is what lead to our conversation being so easy. He was the most mature character I had talk to in depth. We were posing as younger versions of ourselves and hiding who we truly were. In that moment, I actually started to sympathize with Edward. His stalking and creepy tendencies were not entirely his fault. He was created with them like Bella's klutzy antics. I also had my own short comings. While I didn't believe Bella could be trained out of her klutziness, I believe Edward could try if he knew how his actions were perceived. He didn't know better. I was probably being more lenient on my excuses...but I was hopeful for his character since the first time I entered Twilight World.

"Why do you care?" I asked Edward bluntly in the middle of him speaking on his favorite baseball team. I was finally changing the tune of the conversation we had been having the last 30 minutes and was seeking something of substance.

Edward shot me a confused look. I knew I was going to have to elaborate. "You have never been a fan of me. Why do you care to help or save me? Don't get me wrong I appreciate it, but I can take care of myself. I just don't understand where it is coming from."

"_Why are you different_?" Edward volleyed back in response. _Touché, Edward Cullen. _

"Please be more specific. In what way do you mean?" I was playing dumb. He knew it. I knew it. It was a game of wits between us to see who would over draw their hand first.

"Your attitude. Your presence. You are _nice_. You act like you hide _some_ burden now. I felt like I could read you before and know who you were, and now there is this stranger in front of me who makes me think she is not who I thought she was."

"Who was I before?"

"Do you want the truth?" His facial expression was a little too serious for my own liking.

"I can handle it, Cullen." Edward seemed to wince when I spoke his last name.

"You were a brat. Everything revolved around you, and if it didn't go 'Jessica's' way, you made sure people knew it. You were a fake friend to Bella. And…you had this annoying crush on me." I spit out the water I was sipping on in response. _Good lord, Edward. Don't hold back. Sheesh._

"Sounds like me." I winked at him. Edward was not amused with my antics.

"When I found you trying to escape Forks, I thought you needed to go to a mental hospital. Thankfully, your amnesia soon recovered. But after that, you flipped a switch and were a whole new person. The old Jessica would have begged for a chance to be _personally_ tutored by me, yet you refused my help." I snorted. He was being full of himself.

"Ah! I see now. You are fascinated that I no longer have an obsession with you? Sorry to break it to you Edward, but you're not my type. You do not _dazzle _me anymore." Edward's golden eyes darkened. _Did I push him too far with my joke?_

"I am sure I will survive. I am running circles around your original question. If I answer yours, will you answer mine?" Edward's proposition was tempting, but I didn't need the headache. His act to entice me had failed.

"No." I smiled sweetly at him before I pulled my water glass toward me and took a nice, long sip from my straw. Edward ran his right hand through his bronze locks in frustration._ Yes, it was sexy. I can admit it. I am not blind._

By the time the bill arrived, Edward finally posed the question I was waiting to hear. "How is Bella doing?" Edward's eyes were filled with apprehension as he spoke his question.

"Come back and see for yourself."

"I was thinking of coming back." Edward looked off to the right side of his shoulder. His mouth downturned and then he returned his face to gage mine. _Did he just hear someone having a strange thought?_

"Um, what do you mean?" I was really confused. He wasn't supposed to come back until post the Italy/Volturi ordeal.

"I think I was rash. You were right. I should finish out the school year." I gulped when I heard him admit this. _I mean, "yay for Bella" but what the f**k is going on?_?

I had to say something. "Well Bella will be happy to hear that." My response was almost inaudible as I was speaking through my shock.

"Hopefully not just her."

"I didn't realize you had friends outside of your family and Bella?" I jested with him.

"Are we not friends?" He asked _so_ sincerely. _Are we though?_ If I added up the little moments, I couldn't brush him off as an acquaintance, and my full knowledge of how his life was unfolding... _maybe we are friends?_

"If you want to label this as that, then sure. I would then be the only other person currently still in Forks that would be happy with your return aside from Bella." _Sorry Jacob. I can't play favorites. I am now blind with this story's future. _

"Well...that makes me happy to hear. I look forward to growing our friendship when we get back."

"Um, yeah. It will be great hanging out with you and Bella and Jacob..." Something flashed across Edward's eyes. Annoyance? Disappointment? Well it was his own damn fault for abandoning Bella. I was just kind enough to offer him a heads up.

The unspoken questions lingering between us in that moment were weighing me down.

"When do you expect to come back?" I don't think I should tell Bella about this encounter. She might read too much into it.

"Monday," Edward said confidently. _Did he already decide this beforehand?_

"Can you not mention us meeting up during my trip? I think Bella would freak out because I told her I was..." I didn't want to finish my sentence out of embarrassment.

Edward's right eyebrow gracefully arched up. His lips tugged up into a grin. He could definitely read the embarrassment stamped all over my face.

"Please indulge me." This is when it hit me. I remembered reading about it. His voice was inviting me in. His smell was intoxicating. I was sitting in front of the "most dangerous predator" after all. _God that line was so stupid in the books and movie. _Thus, I caved in unwillingly.

"Meeting a guy I was dating." His grin quickly wiped off his face.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" ..._dating someone_?

"You know what I am asking, Jessica. Are you dating someone?" he beseeched me. His curiosity into my love life escaped me.

I had no desire to lie. "No. I am not focused on finding love at the moment. I have a loooooong way to go for working on myself first." Edward looked mostly pleased with my answer.

I followed up, "I do not want to elaborate on the real reason. Maybe someday. But not now." Edward nodded as if he understood. I was grateful he didn't press me although I am sure he was dying to know.

"Are…you and Bella _real _friends now?" Edward seemed genuinely curious when he asked this. I assumed he already knew we were because what other reason would he have to come find me if me not being a friend of hers?

"Yeah. We are."

The bill was paid, and Edward and I hailed a cab back to my hotel. I initially refused to share a cab since he was going in the opposite direction to return to his 'family'. His persistence on being a gentleman swayed me and I allowed him to escort me back. I waved goodbye to him outside of the hotel.

In my hotel bedroom, the presence of the distraction Edward Cullen was slightly missed. I now had to grapple with my internal struggle of my reality. I had to learn to accept I was Jessica Stanley going forward, and I needed to map out what future I would have. An integral part in my future was figuring out how to stay the hell out of the way of the Twilight Saga. I was not equipped to be involved in their worlds. There had to be a reason I was not Bella Swan in this life and was instead Jessica Stanley. I would have been a **_terrible_** Bella Swan. Apparently, I was a bad Jessica Stanley too. I kept interfering with characters who were supposed to pay no mind to me, the human bad guy in the story. The rest of the bad guys were vampires, so Jessica had to be the closest _human_ antagonist in the storyline I figured. Though she wasn't that bad overall.

…

Edward didn't lie to me. He was back when school started on Monday. That's when the _real_ shit show began. This timeline now superseded the New Moon ending and Eclipse's plot was on deck. Worst of all, Eclipse was the book I recalled the least detail about in the whole series.

* * *

_Author's Note ii: __Some readers may or may not agree with Jessica's behavior this chapter compared to the state she was in after the last chapter. From personal experience, I find if I take a nap or go to sleep after feeling sad, my feelings reset (not disappear forever!) after I wake up. Also, I think the dream has a positive impact on her on the subconscious level. But don't think she is totally honky-dory now. _

_We will start seeing how Katie/Jessica struggles to accept her new reality as Jessica forever, deal with letting go of her past and navigate the Twilight plot and dazzle possible love interests. Also I really love my outline for chapter 9! Jacob shall return! And Bella!_

_Response to Reviews:_

**Escala201**: …who knows I think they had sweet moments together in this and the previous chapter.

**Hmz0975:** Great questions! I do wonder why too I like that we saw her bond with them as well. I think that is important for her to being to accept this is her life now.

**Whatkoolser:** I am leaning towards Jessica now since she has mostly accepted that is her fate. I am glad you liked ch7 and it made you really feel for her! I was a little worried I went to dark with her character, but it was necessary to make it realistic so she could accept her new reality.

**Guest1:** Poor Katie, indeed! Don't worry, she will be able to pick herself up!

**Bpopa7110:** Thanks! My bf hates how much I am writing lately haha I hope not either. Right now, I am on a hot streak with this storyline. I hope it keeps up until I finish it.

**Xenovial:** Thank you for the review! I had to look up what a Mary-Sue was haha I hope I can make sure she never goes down the full depiction of one. She has flaws, and I think we will see them more as she accepts she is now Jessica. Stay tuned for the future romance opportunities.

**Guest2:** Don't count Jacob out yet! He still has moments to come into play with Jessica

**Guest3:** I see what you mean. It could have been a really cool open ending. I jokingly thought about ending it there. But, I have to finish the ending I planned after chapter 2! I hope you continue to enjoy the journey. If it turns out it sucks, just mentally note to yourself ch 7 was the last chapter haha

**JustmePMM:** Thank you for your reviews on each chapter! I am glad you are loving the storyline so far I think even though she says she is going to have to accept it, we will still find her struggling to in the future :O

**Treasure89:** Aw what a compliment! Thank you for being astounded! I hope you found the conversation interesting! Thank you for commenting all those small details; I am glad readers pick up on them and appreciate them :D

**Guest4:** Yay! I hope you continue to love it!


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note i:_

_What a crazy fast update time, no? I wrote this last week but was able to edit it today. Maybe I should have waited to post, but I am always just _**_so_**_ excited to share new installments as soon as I can! This chapter was a doozy, but I think I like it. Please enjoy! & feel free to drop a review if you have any thoughts on it _

_Disclaimer: The contents in this chapter contains alcohol consumption by a minor. While Jessica is 17, remember Katie was 24. So technically, it's okay for her to drink despite the U.S. legal drinking age being 21. Just wanted to note this since the story is rated 'T'._

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 9**

The Cullen's reappearance at Forks High School was all anyone talked about Monday morning. It was a surprise, to everyone but me. Bella walked hand in hand with Edward like royalty when I saw them in the hallways between classes. She radiated joy. I was pleased she could be happy again but there was a hesitation with being too pleased remembering Jacob. Bella didn't sit with us at lunch, like she used to, but she came up to update me on everything at the end of the lunch period.

I watched Bella stroll over to our lunch table with a confidence I had not originally noticed when she was first with Edward. "Hi Jessica." Bella directed her eyes to the empty seat next to mine as if she was asking for permission to sit in her old seat. I waved my hand over it. "Your throne, my Queen." Bella rolled her eyes at me before she sat down.

"I wanted to call you last night, but Edward was over late as we discussed him being back and 'us'." _She hasn't even asked me how my trip went yet…_

"It looks like that conversation went well." Her brown eyes lit up as bright as the stars in the sky at night. Her cheeks were flushed with a rosy tint. Her lips turned up and it was the first time I noticed how she tethered her happiness to being with Edward. It was sad.

"Yeah, it did. We are better than before. I feel…complete again."

"Were you incomplete before he came into your life?" I watched the color drain from her face and Bella eyed me carefully. Maybe she didn't appreciate me questioning her in the same manner as I once did post-breakup. _Noted_.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be rude. If you're happy, I am happy. How did Jacob take the news though?"

"He doesn't know yet. Everything just happened. I will tell him soon." I nodded at Bella, pretending I understood her plight. In actuality, I was disappointed in her actions. My opinions would mean nothing to her and would be pointless to voice.

"I am sure you will. Go easy on him. You know he has_ real_ feelings for you." I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Our relationship is not like that, Jessica. How many times do I have to tell you? He knows we are just friends," Bella said coolly. I sighed in response. I knew too much to be so involved in their lives. I apologized again and left the table first.

Upon my exit, I noticed Edward try to catch my gaze from across the room. I didn't stop for him, the cafeteria doors, or when facing the doors that led to the school parking lot. It was not a good look on the class valedictorian to skip, but I needed to think. I decided in Helena that I was going to stay away from the Twilight Saga, and my opportunity was just handed to me. Bella would be absorbed into Edward's world and once again not think much of our recent developing friendship. Without contact with Bella, I would have no involvement with Edward and Jacob. The plan did have it set backs, but I didn't dwell to call them out. There was one looming factor that I could not ignore. Edward did not go to Italy. The Volturi have not been involved yet. There is no reason for Edward to change Bella into a vampire. But that still doesn't prevent Eclipse's major plot line of the love triangle and Victoria's growing newborn army. _Oh shit! I forgot about that. Geez, what a MAJOR incentive to stay away. I want no part in that AT ALL._

Lost in my thoughts, I somehow drove myself to the only grocery store in Fork's. It was next to a liquor store. _What I would give for some tequila right now. But I am "17", so I cannot drink. Or can I…? _I redirected my car to drive home. Jessica's parents were at work and Daniel was in school. It was just past noon after all. I should have had reservations about what I was going to do, but I decided to say "f*** it all". I rummaged through the unlocked liquor cabinet in Jessica's dad's office. It was shelved to the T with a fine selection of hard alcohol. Nothing was to my taste. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of '03 Merlot off the 12-bottle wine rack. It was my observation Jessica's parents hardly ever drank; it was a safe bet it would take them awhile to notice they were down one wine bottle. There were still seven remaining, so I thought the odds were in my favor of not getting caught.

Forks didn't have a lot of options to hide out and drink alcohol in the middle of the day. I had to drive myself to an abandoned park decently near the house. It had a sign promising that it was to be revitalized in the future as one of the Fork's Mayor's pet projects, but I didn't believe it. As long as I knew I would be alone, I did what any one in my situation would have done, drink.

I measured time passing in how much of the merlot I killed. It was only three-fourths of the way gone when Jessica's cell phone rang. It was the first time someone was calling me on it. Jessica's parents returned it to me after Christmas, but I hadn't charged it and turned it on until this past weekend. I forgot I had put it in my school backpack after I returned the night before. _Stupid me._

I squinted hard to read the fuzzy name on the caller ID. It was "Unknown". I should not have answered it, but I was feeling a buzz that whispered in my ear "Why not?".

"Hellllllllllllllo."_ Shit. Is it obvious I am drunk?! _

"Jessica, we need to talk." The voice sounded familiar but it I couldn't discern it.

"New phone, who dis?" I laughed at my own joke. It didn't make sense, but I found it rather amusing.

"What's wrong with you? It's Jacob Black. I stole your number from Bella's phone in case I needed back-up." He sounded so serious.

"Why so serious, Jacob Black?" I laughed hysterically at myself. Jacob did not laugh with me. _Darn. My joke is lost on him. Has Batman Beyond even come out yet? Christian Bale is such a sexy Batman. Man, I wish could converse with men and not dumb, immature boys…_

"I don't know why you are acting so weird, but we really need to talk. Are you home?" _Nope. What time is it? Is school out?_

"Negative, Jacob Black."

"Where are you?"

"An abandoned park." _WTF. Why did I let that slip? I am in no condition to be talking with a Twilight character. _

"I know that one. I am on my way there now. Stay put." _Why is Jacob so serious and raining on my parade? I just want to be an adult and enjoy my alcohol. He is going to kill my buzzzzzzzzz. I should dispose of my evidence. _I killed the wine remaining in the bottle, exited my car, and chucked the bottle into the grass. I watched it shatter on the grass. _Wow, it still shattered!? Why did I do that? Kids could step on that. Dum-dum!_

Jacob pulled up to the parking lot of the park on his motorcycle and found me on the grass on my hands and knees picking up glass shards.

"What are you doing? I have something serious to talk to you about. And why are you in this park?" Jacob was starting to play 21 questions as he walked closer to me. "You smell like…have you been drinking?!" Jacob shouted at me incredulously. _Why is HE mad? And SO loud?_

"A tinsy bit." I had to admit the truth. He has super powers with his wolf smelling thingy. I continued to pick up the glass while he lectured me on the damage drinking could have on my _undeveloped _brain. He soon picked up on the fact I was picking up glass shards from a wine bottle. He sighed heavily as he knelt down to join me in cleaning up my mess. It was a nice gesture. He didn't have to help.

"So…what did you want to talk about?" I asked him as seriously as possible.

"No. I need your A-game for that conversation. This version of yourself will not do for my dilemma." _Probably a wise decision. _

"You got my digits so try again at a better time. Good talk." I grinned foolishly at Jacob. Our conversation was over, and I could finally enjoy the rest of my buzz. Which could get worse soon when the last of the Merlot hits me.

Jacob stopped picking up glass and attempted to draw my attention to him to no avail. "Hey halfwit, I am not leaving you like this." My body involuntarily flinched at his name calling. I cursed myself silently for answering the damn cell phone in the first place.

"That's not nice Jacob Black to call me a mean name. I can take care of myself. I am an _adult_."

"You're sure not acting like it." Before I could protest, my cell phone rang for the second time today. It was Jessica's Mom. _Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!_ I had to ignore it. Jacob didn't approve of me ignoring 'my mother' calling. When Jessica's mom rang my phone again, he took the phone out my hand, pushed answer, and handed it over to me. I did my best to convey a 'screw you' with my eyes.

"Hi mom." Every fiber of my body was concentrated in portraying myself as normal and not drunk off my ass.

"Jessica, thank you for picking up. Your father and I cannot pick up Daniel; please pick him up from school. His robotics club ends in 15 minutes, please try to be there on time. Mr. Jones has been threatening to disband the club if the kids aren't picked up promptly by the adults." _I am in no condition to drive but… Jacob is._

"I can do that." Jessica's mom thanked me and quickly hung up. I needed to do recon with Jacob. I was drunk but knew I couldn't shirk my sisterly responsibilities because Jenna never failed me. I felt tears well up in my eyes by the mere thought of her. I blinked them away.

"Jacob, I need a favor from you." Jacob looked at me peculiarly.

"I don't think you're in a position to be asking for favors."

"Says the person who needs 'A-game' Jessica."

"Touché. I will hear you out."

"I need you to take me to pick up my little brother from school. I am in no condition to drive but I don't want to fail him because of my mistake." Jacob stood up from the grass. He assessed the area. I_ thought_ it looked pretty glass free at this point. He walked over to me and offered his hand. I didn't think twice before I took it and he pulled me up.

"Let's go pick up Daniel." Jacob's hand had not let go of my hand yet despite me already being up. His hand was rough, but provided a warm comfort. _Maybeeeeee he thinks I can't walk? I am a little bit stumbly. _

"You know his name?" I asked in surprise.

"Bella mentioned him to me before." As soon as Bella's name was mentioned, guilt crept up in me and I shook my hand out of his. I pretended I needed it to dig the keys out of my jean's pocket. Jacob walked over to the driver's side of my car and I tossed the car keys, that I skillfully timed the length of their retrieval out of my pocket, to him.

…

Jacob and I picked up Daniel on time. I was able to play off I wasn't driving because I was helping Jacob drive a car versus his motorcycle. That was the only good part, when we returned home I was in a heap of trouble. Jessica's mom smelled my boozy breath and astutely figured out a wine bottle was missing. To add to the shit storm brewing, the school called to inform Jessica's parents I missed my classes that afternoon. Which I had _no idea_ they could even do. Essentially, I was grounded and had disappointed Jessica's parents. It was a shitty feeling. Jessica's dad read to Daniel that night and I was forced to go to my bedroom without dinner. Also, my cell phone was confiscated again. Jacob only witnessed the hell fire in Jessica's mom's eyes after we pulled up to the Stanley household. He offered to run back to his bike and declined Jessica's mom's offer to drive him to his bike in thanks.

I wasn't the only senior at Forks High School grounded that Monday. Bella was too. That evening, Jacob showed Charlie the motorcycles they were building.

….

Thump. Thump. Thump. The thumping I was hearing on a Tuesday school night seemed to be coming from my bedroom window. I set down the pencil in my hand and headed to the window from my desk. It was dark outside, so I couldn't make out the figure interrupting my studying before I opened it.

"Hello?" I asked openly to the darkness.

"It's Jacob. I am coming up." _Why is he here? _

Before I could refuse his declaration, his face was in my line of sight. _I should have just shut the window. _

I found myself backing up to allow Jacob into my room. Then I realized my door was still open and anyone standing in the hallway could see my uninvited guest. I swiftly ran over to close and lock the door. A good measure to take despite there being low odds of being visited by anyone in the Stanley family due to my being grounded.

"You should not be here. I am grounded." I folded my arms against my chest. Jacob was standing in front of me in cut off jean shorts and a sleeveless shirt. _It's winter still! Does he not get cold ever? _

Jacob's face lit up. "Is that why you've been ignoring my phone calls?" Jacob asked. He sounded relieved.

"My phone was confiscated, _again_, soon after you dropped me off. I am cut off from the world outside of school or using the landline."

"Well looks like you and Bella are in similar situations." I knew what he meant, but I was not supposed to at the moment.

"What do you mean?"

"I got her grounded," Jacob smugly informed me.

"Why?" I feigned with false ignorance.

"To keep her away from Edward. I went to surprise her yesterday by showing up to meet her when she got out of school...and I saw **he** was back." Jacob's tone was dark and unnerving.

"Oh Jacob..." I whispered disappointed. I was on the fence for my next words to say but I leaned towards the conclusion he needed a reality check. Jacob was looking at me anxiously for my response.

"And how did that go for you?" Jacob closed his eyes and frowned. Almost as if he was revisiting that moment in his mind before he answered me.

"Not well," he spoke begrudgingly.

"Do you want my opinion or advice?" I would leave the choice up to him if he wanted to live in his delusion or have some sense knocked into him.

"That's why I originally called you!" He exclaimed with enthusiasm. "I need help from 'A-game' Jessica to win Bella. I mean I had to do my first move without you, but you know how her and I are together. I helped her heal when that bastard was gone. He treated her like garbage. I would never leave her like he did." He had his heart in the right place, but his approach was all wrong.

"Okay, can I be honest if you want my help?" Jacob insisted so. He didn't know what was coming otherwise he many have optioned for a 'hell no'.

"One, bad move on getting her grounded. Did you think that would really prevent them from spending time together? Maybe it would limit their time outside of school together, but we ALL go to the same school." Jacob sheepishly looked at the floor. It was the most lenient thing I had to say for my 'guidance'. "Two, Bella and you weren't dating to my recollection. She has every right to get back with Edward. It is _her_ choice." Jacob's neck muscles tensed at the harsh truth of my words. "Three, I don't doubt you love her. But you won't win her over acting juvenile. Continue to be who you are with her, even as a friend for now. If that doesn't change her mind to choose you, it's her loss Jacob." Jacob finally met my eyes. Jacob's blank look led me to believe he was confused. "My follow up is to ask you this. Why do you love, Bella? What makes her worth this effort to pursue her?" My questions were for my own selfish benefit. I never understood it in the books besides the whole 'Renesme' storyline of being why Jacob was drawn to Bella. I always wondered if there was more to it.

Jacob took his time before responding to me. "What do you mean 'why'? Love is love." _What a shit answer. _

"Love can be a feeling, yes. One you think you know and can put a name to. But there should also be a reasoning to it. For example, I love the way she...okay I feel weird giving an example in the guy's perspective. Let me draw on my own experiences. I love the way he supports me. I love the way he laughs. I love his determination to _always _do his best. I love the way he holds me and whispers in my ear. I love the way he inspires me to be a better person. Of course, that is a 0.0001% of the reasons you could love someone, but there should be reasons. Not just because you think what you feel is love."

"Seems like you have experience being in love." Jacob was sitting on my bed now. Making himself a little _too_ comfortable.

"A lifetime ago it feels like." Jacob patted the spot next to him on _my_ bed.

"Looks like we both need to form a broken hearts club."

"Only if I am not the president. I would only accept being VP despite my emotional superior maturity," I giggled as I took my seat. The conversation had finally turned pleasant and I was happy for it. Jacob stared too intensely at my face while I giggled.

"You know, you can be kind of pretty when you smile. Most of the time you have this sour puss face on like you don't want to be where you are." Boy did he figure me out.

"Now don't go falling in love with me, Jacob Black" I wittily replied. He snorted in response.

"Fat chance. I think we both know I only have eyes for Bella." I smiled genuinely at him. He was a devoted romantic despite being flawed on the reasoning behind it.

"I know. I will root for you. Just...if there is a point where Bella is not going to be swayed to being with you, know when to stop. You deserve someone who can meet your affection. Otherwise, they will always disappoint you..." My last parting advice was taken from my days as Katie. My last boyfriend had put me through the ringer quite similarly as Bella would do to Jacob.

"Sure, sure. I'll change my approach thanks to you." Jacob's confidence was increasing once again.

"Good plan. I really should get to my homework. And we've pushed our luck enough without being caught. Last thing I need is for my grounding to be extended." Jacob looked at me with sympathy but the next words out of his mouth didn't reflect that.

"If the punishment fits the crime..." he teased. I threw a small, frilly decorative pillow at him from my bed. He chuckled after it hit him. "Alright, alright. I am out. Thanks for the talk. You provided good insight for me. Without a mom or my sisters around, I tend to be at a loss on the female perspective." I was shocked by his honesty. I instinctively threw my hand on top of his as it laid on my bed still. His face was priceless. I could not say any comforting words intertwined with empathy from Katie Smith towards the loss of his mom. All I could do was squeeze his hand to assure him I knew his pain. Jacob opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. He was at a loss for words.

***knock* *knock***

We both looked from each other to my bedroom door. I mouthed "Go!" to him. He looked down at our hands and I realized his initial hesitation. I quickly withdrew my hand from resting on top of his. He bolted to the window and escaped outside of it. I quickly shut it and then ran to unlock the door knob. I zoomed back to my bed to reposition myself in a natural position and answered the knock to say, "Who is it?"

Daniel opened the door and walked into my room with his head down. "Are you going to be bad Jessica again?" He asked me sadly. _What on earth is he talking about?_

"What on earth are you talking about?" I asked him exactly what I was thinking.

Daniel hopped on my bed and then proceeded to turn on the water works.

"I overheard Mom and Dad say you did a bad thing yesterday and that you...*sniff* *sniff* may be slipping back to how you acted before." Daniel's wails were assaulting my ears.

"What do you mean before?" I genuinely was confused.

"To before you got hit in the head and started being nice Jessica! I don't *sniff* *sniff* want you to be mean to me again." My heart sank. I finally understood how my thoughtless actions as Katie Smith finally did damage to Jessica's life. I wasn't 24 here or an adult. I was a 17-year-old living with parents, about to graduate from high school. My behavior was not okay with who I was now. I knew better.

I drew Daniel close into me and offered him a heartfelt apology. I then took his small face in my hands and wiped away his tears. I promised to him I would continue to be a good, nice sister and I promised to myself to do better to honor the big sister role that Jenna had role-modeled to me.

_Author's Note ii:_

_Lalaland972s Response to Reviews_

**WPear:** Thank you! I am glad you like my use of Jessica. And I agree with your assessment of the character!

**Guest:** This time only one day of anticipation had to be waited! I like quick updates too as long as I can maintain this hot streak haha

**Hmz0975:** Thank you! Edward gets a lot of heat for his character flaws, but I think the problem was too the Bella enabled the behavior -_- I think he is growing on me too in this story ;) Agreed! She would have been the worse Bella but she ain't too shabby as Jessica

**Treasure89:** Haha! I am glad the convo did NOT disappoint! :D What you listed are on par with my favorites from the chapter as well. I didn't originally have the dream sequence, the chapter originally started with them about to head to dinner…but I wanted more padding to the chapter. When I came up with the dream sequence, I was like perfect! It's definitely a great way to give more background to the reader on Katie and it's foreshadowing will come to play in the future. I hope I am not building up her involvement too slowly! If it seems that way, call me out so I can rethink plot line! Stay tuned! :D

**Amateradusaemo:** Ooooo good ideas all around! I wouldn't count anything out yet! haha

**CasJeanne:** Same! (high-five)

**Twin268:** Yay! Glad you think I nailed it! :D I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I nailed it again :O

**JustmePMM:** You knew you brought up a good point! I need to start showing more of the Cullen Clan! I'll pull them in more to future chapters!


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note i:_

_Is this real life? Another chapter after one day? Why yes it is! Well…I know everyone is wondering who is she gonna be with? Patience is a virtue. Plus, we got more of the Eclipse plot to explore first and we cannot forget about dear Isabella Swan :O _

_P.s. Fast updates this week so far because my bf is out of town and I am not restricted on writing. Usually I have to be more reasonable about the time I spend on the computer after work, but not for the past couple of days :D I have been given the chance to ride out the story while I have the inspiration in me. Sadly though, we are nearing the end soon. __ Btw, I love long chapters, but they suck to edit. Also, next update won't be as fast :( _

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 10**

The rest of the first week back at school went smoothly compared to Monday. By Friday, I was settled back into a similar routine established at the end of the second semester minus my interactions with Bella. They were minimized as she wrapped herself back into Edward. However, something was off. Bella's attitude toward Edward seemed like the normal adoration and hunger for his attention she was prone to have. Edward was acting aloof. At times, I mistook seeing shame or sorrow reflected in his eyes. It was indistinguishable which one it was, if it was even that at all. He wasn't hovering over Bella as he was supposed to. He was with her most of the time at school...or maybe it was that Bella clung to him? I thought their relationship was supposed to be even stronger after New Moon. Maybe missing the Italy event hurt their bond from developing to what I had expected with Edward's return?

I avoided them both after Monday. Bella's ability to slip back into being dependent on Edward was not something I could easily swallow after I thought we had made _so much_ progress on her ability to identify her self-worth before his return. Angela played ignorant or just accepted this was who Bella was again. Angela didn't seem to mind and still tried to plan a "girl's day" on Saturday. I had to remind her I was grounded, and Bella seemed all too pleased to have the same excuse when I overheard Angela asked her as well. To combat Angela's disappointment, I informed her she could visit me at the movie theatre while I was on shift. She had not made up her mind when we parted if she would stop by or not.

There was a commotion in the parking lot when I exited Forks High School after my last class of the day. When I drew closer to the center of it, I observed tan skin, not enough clothes for winter time, and dark hair belonging to a Jacob Black. Jacob was leaning next to his motorcycle, trying to pull off some sort of 'badass' vibe. It wasn't working for me. Maybe it did with the other girls at the school though. Looking around the school parking lot, I was able to confirm I was the only girl not impressed with the aura around Jacob Black and his motorcycle. _Teenage girls. Cue my eye roll._ Edward and Bella were standing a few feet away from him. I knew I shouldn't have been nosy, but I couldn't help myself from wanting to observe if Jacob intended on taking my advice or not. I also hadn't seen or heard from him since he made a guest appearance in my bedroom Tuesday night.

I walked within listening range but not close enough for them to notice me. My stupidity was realized too late when Jacob looked at me and waved. _He can smell you, you idiot. _

I waved awkwardly from my indiscreet hiding place. Bella and Edward turned to look at me for a second and then resumed their conversation with Jacob.

"Like I said Bells, I am sorry. It was really immature of me to pull that kind of stunt. You can understand why I did it though, right?" Jacob's voice implored her to be understanding.

"Just because I understand why you did it, doesn't mean you had the right to do it. Edward's _not_ going to hurt me, Jake. I trust you; don't you trust me?" Bella's voice dropped at the end of her question. She seemed to be struggling with having this particular conversation in front of Edward.

"I know better now. Can you please just come with me? There is some stuff I want to talk to you about and **he** doesn't need to be a part of it." Jacob's gaze explicitly avoided acknowledging Edward's presence. _Not the worse way to go about it, but not the best way either. I suppose he is too young though to expect him to take all the advice I gave him to heart. Still, I should take what he has said as 'a win'._

Bella looked to Edward. Edward's mouth made a thin line. If he was opposed to the request, he didn't show it.

"Go. I trust you and he's your friend." Edward's calm and out of character encouragement blew my mind. I was secretly anticipating a psycho reaction and for him to be up in arms against the very notion she left with Jacob.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." Bella pursed her lips, silently asking Edward to put up at least some sort of fight about it. He instead offered her a peck on the cheek and turned away from her and Jacob, politely giving them some space.

Jacob was grinning like an idiot as he offered a stunned Bella a helmet before she hopped on the back of his bike. Bella and Jacob left, and all was not right in the Twilight World.

…

I looked at the watch face on my wrist, 9:55 pm. I was five minutes away from my work shift being over with. For some reason, I was not scheduled on a shift that closed even though I marked I was available to work one. It worked to my advantage. While I was still grounded, I was allowed to leave the house to go to work. I had admittedly not told Jessica's parents I was not scheduled to close for the night. But that was only because I discovered this information with an updated scheduled posted in the break room upon my arrival for my work shift. It meant I had two and a half more hours before I was required to be at the house. I contemplated if I should go straight home or use the free time while the last few minutes of my shift ticked away.

I had just exited the theatre and was walking to the parking lot when I heard my name being called, "Jessica." The figure drew closer to the lamp light ahead of me. Light refracted off of copper hair, pale skin, a brooding face and an all too casual demeanor for Edward Cullen. It was the first time we had truly been in each other's presence since we parted ways over the weekend.

"Hi Edward. Are you coming to see a late-night movie with Bella?" I was friendly. We said we would "grow our friendship" back in Helena but that seemed unlikely due to the nature of his and Bella's relationship. I re-reviewed the area around me, and it finally sunk in that Bella was _not_ with him after I already asked my question. _Too late to take it back now. _

"No. She is still spending time with Jacob," Edward admitted nonchalantly to me.

"I see. Are you seeing a movie by yourself then?"

"I actually came here to see you. I overheard Angela mentioning you worked tonight. I thought it would be a good opportunity seeing as you are grounded."

"Good timing."_ Or purposefully_. "I just got off my shift. Have you been waiting long?" I sounded more accusing in my tone than I should have. I was praying he hadn't been waiting here to talk to me for hours. It put a bad taste in my mouth just imagining it.

"No. I gambled with catching you around this time still working. I didn't think you would be getting off work yet though to be honest." He sounded so convincing; I was unsure if I should believe him or not.

"Okay. So...how's life back in Forks? I see you and Bella reunited. That's good. She really missed you."

Edward leaned his back to rest on the light pole, looked away from my face and lightly whispered, "I missed her too." Edward sounded hollow. As if there was no feeling behind his words. "I heard about you saving Bella from Laurent." _I didn't see that coming; I am surprised he brought that up. _

"To say the least, I never have a dull moment with Bella." Edward bit his lip against the temptation to smile.

"I think one could say the same of you," Edward spoke cautiously. His golden eyes danced with hidden meaning.

"Maybe we're two peas in a pod?" I joked. That was far from the truth. Bella and I were on opposite ends of the spectrum of what we wanted out of life.

Edward shook his head at me. "I highly doubt that," he declared as he looked directly into my eyes. My chest tightened in response. I hadn't felt eyes on me like that for a long time. I was reading too much into it. Making up something that was not there to myself. "Do you have to go home, or can I offer to take you for a ride? I'll even drive you one mile outside of Forks if you demand it as a condition to accept my offer." He was good. I caved in and decided to see what he wanted. It could be our last conversation before I withdrew from the Twilight Life after all. I at least owed him that much.

"Make it two miles and you've got a deal." Edward's smile glistened in the street light. It was dazzling.

I went to open the backseat door of his Volvo and Edward shot me a look that said "Really?". I waved my hand at him in response and told him I was just kidding.

"Just get in," he remarked between his laughter. His happiness was slightly contagious. He hadn't seemed this happy at any point when we crossed paths during the school hallways in the last week. Once again, this semester we did not share a class together.

Edward drove around with no real purpose of a destination. The only thing we diligently watched was the time for my curfew. The first part of the ride, we shared in a comfortable silence aside from Mozart's Symphony Number 40 playing in the background. Edward was surprised when I recognized it. I played it off innocently, but in reality, I took a Music Theory class in college my freshman year that always stuck with me.

I decided to break the long silence first. "How do you feel about Bella still being with Jacob? Am I in your company because you need a distraction from it?"

Edward was surprised I opened our conversation to be with this question. "Not really. Jacob is Bella's friend. She can see who she wants. I am appreciative of Jacob's help for Bella while I was away. It would be wrong of me to intervene with their friendship for my own selfish purposes and insecurity," Edward said all too casually.

"Impressive. _Very _mature, Cullen." I meant what I said. Why was he acting this way though? I commended it, but it was not in his character's nature to be so unprotective of Bella and trusting of Jacob.

"Why do you call me Cullen sometimes instead of Edward?" His question caught me off guard. I hadn't realized I was even doing that.

"I don't know. Maybe to sound impersonal when I address you?" I admitted a truth that I was _not aware of _until the words left my lips.

"Why would you desire that?" he asked curiously.

"To feel less guilty I suppose," I answered honestly.

"Less guilty about..." Edward was prompting me to continue.

"Talking with you. Bella's your girlfriend and I don't want her getting the wrong idea. So maybe when I get concerned with us talking one on one, I address you as Cullen," I articulated to the sweating palms clasped together in my lap. I peered over to get a glimpse of Edward's face with my admission. Edward was shaking his head, lost at the implication of my words. When he stopped, he was composed.

"I am sorry if I am putting you in an uncomfortable position." I detected a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Don't worry. I can handle myself, if Bella ever gets upset. We are only friends after all. You're allowed to have platonic friends. She can trust us as friends just like you trust her with Jacob," I reasoned to relieve his burden.

"And you and Jacob...?" Edward was insinuating something but did not dare to call it by a name.

"We are just friends, too." Edward eyed me suspiciously as if he didn't believe me. _Did he see something in Jacob's thoughts earlier about when he was over at my place Tuesday night?! Or why is he acting so peculiar about this? _

"I am sure you are also aware of Jacob's feelings towards Bella. Unlike Jacob, I wouldn't waste my time on one sided love." Edward looked...relieved? But I think it was because he just noticed the clock was ten minutes from my expected time to be home. His once aimless driving shifted into a mission to get me home in time.

"I forgot to mention this, but I think we are going to have a class together this semester." I looked at him confused. "I felt like shifting my schedule to take the "typing" elective would be beneficial to achieve faster essay writing." _Bullshit. Like he needed to take __any__ of the classes he already has on his class schedule. I decided to play ball though_.

"No upperclassmen in their right mind would take that freshman elective class. I only signed up for it as a blow off class despite warnings from Angela and Eric that it wouldn't be worth it," I remarked dryly. I was calling him out. He needed to give me a real reason for the class switch.

"I wanted to see if it would be worth it as well," Edward remarked playfully.

"Fine. Join me in that class. But it's going to be all your fault when all the freshman girls are up in a tizzy that you are gracing their presence every other weekday for 50 minutes!" I exclaimed to him in frustration.

"In a tizzy? Gracing their presence? I knew it. You still think so highly of me." Edward's smug voice was irritating.

"In your dreams, Cullen. It's what on the inside that counts after all. Beauty fades." _Well, except for you._ Edward chuckled. I knew he was thinking the same thing. His face shifted to a serious expression and his eyes narrowed. "You're right though."

We finally arrived at the Stanley house. I smiled at him and opened the passenger door. "Thanks for the ride and chat. I'll see you at school-". _My car!_ I was so swept up in the car ride, I forgot I needed to get my car from work before I headed home. _Well f*** me!_

The house's porch lights turned on after I internally cussed up a storm at myself for my stupidity. Jessica's mom walked out the front door and forward to the porch stairs. "Jessica?" she asked in a stern voice. Before I could explain, Edward interjected.

"Hi Mrs. Stanley. Jessica was having car troubles when she got off work, so I offered to take her home since I happened to get out of a movie around the same time." Mrs. Stanley bought the excuse easily due to Edward's convincing nature. I was relieved in that moment I admitted to Edward at the beginning of the car ride about the strict grounding rules I had to abide by.

"Thank you, Edward. Jessica seems to be in your debt _a lot _this past year," Jessica's mom said coolly as her cold blue eyes fixated on me. I was still on _thin ice_ with her.

"It's my pleasure to help." Edward's smoothness actually cracked a smile on Jessica's mom's face. I mouthed Edward a thank you before I walked to the house. The smile that played on his face seemed just for me. It was a heart breaker's smile. I left my encounter with Edward with something to hold on to. Hope. It lasted for a millisecond. But it blipped on my radar and I was not sure why.

Once inside, I marched up to my room before Jessica's mom could bring anything up. I was not late, so I should have been able to avoid another "I am disappointed in you" themed talk. It was the worst. I had never been a disappointment to anyone in my previous life. Not to my parents, but because they died when I was too young to mess up. Not my grandparents, who always felt guilty they were raising Jenna and I instead of their son and daughter-in-law. I still was _always _a good kid. But not here, not as Jessica. The reputation I was building with her family crumbled in one day by a stupid mistake to act like the adult I knew I was. The guilt of my actions ate me alive inside.

…

A month into the last semester of senior year and my 'Stay out of Twilight' mantra was constantly failing. Bella was mostly ignoring me, but her actions still had rippling effects for my existence. When she was with Jacob, Edward _seemed_ to appear 'coincidentally' where I happened to be. When she was with Edward, Jacob was popping up at my bedroom's window seal for moral support and asking 'A-game' Jessica for further advice. Furthermore, I had to put up with Edward in 'typing' class. I was not being given a god damn break!

Over the course of that month, Jessica's parents slowly began to trust me again. I proved my reliability as a good daughter through my actions and not just words. I pretty much stayed on the same routine after school I had developed before, but I had to throw in the 'Above and Beyond' factor. I picked up extra chores around the house without being asked to and took a bigger role in helping Jessica's parent's out with Daniel. It was not asked of me, but I hoped with extra effort I would be back in their good graces eventually. I missed Jessica's dad inviting me to watch Jeopardy with him. I missed Jessica's mom wanting to hear more about my school life and inquiring if I wanted to assist her in baking. I hadn't realized how accustomed I grew to their affection spent on me until I was deprived of it. Daniel still asked me to read to him. It was my only saving grace in that month at the house. I cried myself to sleep most nights worrying I once again had lost the opportunity for a parent's love.

…

To me, today was a Tuesday. To every other student in Forks High School, it was Valentine's Day. I had no expectations of anything today. I was actually looking forward to people watching the other student's and their idolized expectation for _Cupid's Birthday_. I did have a hidden reason for detesting Valentine's Day in addition to it being a 'Hallmark Holiday'. In my last relationship as Katie Smith, I was dumped on Valentine's Day. Such an experience tends to leave negative mark on the Holiday.

I walked around the Forks High School hallways looking at all the red everywhere and heart shaped anything. When my eyes gazed upon my locker, it stood out from the rest. Shiny silver wrapping paper adorned with colorful balloons completely covered my school locker. _What the f***? Is this a practical joke or did someone decorate the wrong locker?_

Before I was within five feet of it, I heard "Happy Birthday, Jessica!" _Oh, you got to be f***ing kidding me! A Valentine's Day birthday?! F*** me._

I looked to Angela, Eric, Mike, Lauren and other casual acquaintances who were now surrounding me by my locker. _No, they are not going to-_

The _classic _happy birthday song rang in my ears for the next grueling 30-seconds. I tried to act complacent with the birthday surprise bombardment, but I felt my internal cringing could have been spotted from a mile away. To my surprise, Bella and Edward joined the circle around me for the last stanza in the song. I was mostly amazed by Bella's presence. She had been so distant with me since Edward came back. I was not sure if she was ignorantly wrapped up in both love interests now, or if she was deliberately ignoring me because she knew when she was with one of them the other was present in my company, most likely. _Not by my choice though!_

I tried to suppress my Katie urges, but I instinctively pinched the top of the bridge of my nose when the song concluded. I was trying to simmer down the contempt I whole heartedly felt toward Jessica Stanley's birth date in that moment. Angela was the first to approach me and throw a hand on my shoulder. "Jessica, I know it's hard getting old, but you got to accept it."

Her joke roused a laugh from my throat. I appreciatively glanced at her for reeling me back into becoming Jessica. "Thank you, all. I didn't think I could make it to the ripe age of 18, but here I am. An old maid. Goodbye youth, you will be sorely missed." I played along with Angela's set up and it was well received by the crowd around me.

"Boo! I hope that speech is no indication of what we should expect from your valedictorian address!" Mike's eyes shone like the blue morning sky as he made fun of me. He inspired me to not adlib more. It _was_ an awful speech, I could admit.

"Not even!" I smirked at him. "You and everyone else will be blown away by my speech. The Forks Tribune will caption it as 'not a dry eye was in the audience following Jessica Stanley's mesmerizing speech to send off the graduating class of 2006." I beamed at Mike. He couldn't even pull off a convincing 'scoff' at my assertion. He knew I had him in the bag. He drew closer to me and pressed his soft lips to my cheek, catching me and everyone else off guard. "Happy birthday, crazy," he whispered in my ear before backing away and offering me a smooth wink. I could hardly bare to admit it to myself, but I was slightly 'swooned' by his overly friendly actions.

The day resumed to be fairly normal aside from the beginning's bombshell. When I realized no one in my family said anything about it being my birthday, I felt slightly upset. That cloud hovered over me and Edward was the only one who picked up on it despite my best efforts to hide it. It was weird circumstances that allowed him to bring it up too. The typing elective class we shared normally was on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday schedule. But due to our teacher being ill, a make-up class was offered on Tuesday if other teachers during the same period granted us permission to attend it. Only Edward, myself, and three freshman girls were granted permission to make up the class we missed.

Our 'Typing' teacher, Ms. Hensley, was not stunned with the low attendance. In fact, she was actually flabbergasted _any_ students were allowed to attend at all. Edward and I speculated to each other that she made the offer to sound nice without believing anyone would show up. Because we caught her off guard, she had no lesson plan for us that day. She allowed us a free period, aka play computer games if you can access websites that are not blocked. The freshmen failed to work up the courage to talk to Edward, so they all three decided to see what games they could find to play together. Edward was pleased they didn't intend to bother him. He was then left with my attention only.

"Happy birthday." He fought a grin as he said it. "Great speech this morning. I think you still have the youth card to play still." There was a hint of mischief in his eyes that failed to try to convey nothing.

"I think so too." I leaned in closer and Edward's shoulders stiffened in response. "I have it on good authority that I don't have to throw in the towel until after I turn 21," I whispered into his ear playfully. A rueful smile spread across his full lips. He turned his head to directly face mine. His gold eyes peered deeply in my own. I could not begin to guess what words would fall off his beautiful lips next.

"Why have you been sad most of today?" he asked quietly. Now the mood shifted. He was trying to pry where he should not. I closed off my once open posture and reverted back to a mode where I protect my secret.

"You were misreading me. I was worried about a homework assignment I submitted earlier in the day for class. I was having a hard time shaking off the feeling I messed up." I hated lying at this point. Someday, I wished to not have to cover my tracks and my real past. Edward did not buy my excuse.

"You're lying. Try again," he demanded sternly. _How does he know I am lying? It is not like he can read my mind now, right?_

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said in a huff. I peered at the clock in the middle of the classroom; I had a 45-minute interrogation to endure if I did not get him off of my back.

"Why are you persistent? It's my birthday! Can you do me favor and let this go?" Edward slumped his shoulders and looked away from me.

"Is that all you want for your birthday?" Edward asked barely above a whisper, still not facing me.

"From you? Yes. I am a simple girl who doesn't need much from others." I smiled when speaking my answer. I always prided myself on not needing much from others; nothing more than their time.

"Why is that?" Edward's question had an answer; I just could not give it to him.

"Who knows?" I didn't look at him when I answered.

"Please." Edward sounded so desperate to hear my real answer that I was forced to look up and meet his golden eyes.

"Maybe that will be my birthday gift to you." I responded in almost a light whisper. His eyes gleamed with hope. I was happy I could be the one to put it there. "But since it is _still_ my birthday, I demand we play…Lemonade Stand."

Edward tilted his head to the left side trying to understand what I meant. I pointed him to the computer mouse in front of me. He watched me intensely as I typed in the game website's URL address. When I selected the game, he was starting to show intrigue.

Out of five matches, three of them I outsold Edward and had the more profitable lemonade stand. I was the undisputed champ despite Edward mocking my title and protesting my prior knowledge of the game's strategy gave me the upper hand. I refused to concede this despite the truth in his conclusion.

Edward's parting words to me after class and before he walked toward Bella waiting for him down the hallway were, "I let you win." The wink he threw at me on the word "win" pierced my heart. He had to be lying. I was a lemonade stand connoisseur!

I had almost left the school grounds without anymore birthday wishes following Edward's throughout the school day. Then…I saw Jacob's motorcycle deliberately wedged between my Camry and the ford truck parked next to it. _Don't tell me he knows too! _Jacob was not in the area as far as my eyes could tell, so I decided to pick up my pace to make my getaway undetected.

After my keys shifted in the driver's side door and I wrapped my fingers around the door handle I heard, "Where do you think you're going, birthday girl?" _Dammit. _

"Hi Jacob," I muttered after being caught trying to evade him.

Jacob rose both hands to rub his temples for an exaggerated effect before he remarked, "Jake." Jacob had been pestering me recently to reduce his two-syllable name down to one.

"I prefer Jacob though," I teased him. I threw my hands up in the air to meet his dramatic theatrics.

Jacob cocked his head back and a roaring laugh bellowed from his mouth. "I will _allow_ it today with no more protests. Only because it is _your_ birthday though."

"Alright, who told you?" I asked him inquisitively. _I didn't even know myself, so how did __he__ find out?_

Jacob looked at me like I should obviously know the answer to my own question. "Bella."

"Oh. Yes, of course. But why did she bring it up at all though? Are you flailing in your tactics to woo her still?" I remarked humorously.

Jacob handed me his bike helmet. I pushed the helmet back to his chest. "No way. And my car is here."

"Live a little, Jessica." Jacob once again offered me his black helmet.

"_You NEVER _lived." _Why is this echoing in my head right now? Who said that to me?_ I felt obligated to fight my fear and accept the motorcycle ride. Just this once though I told myself. I looked sharply at Jacob and told him, "YOLO". His dark eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What's a yolo?" he asked earnestly. _Hahaha! Oops. Drake's not a thing yet. _

I accepted the helmet, climbed onto the back of his bike and wrapped my arms above his waist. _What a six-pack!_ The grooves of each ab felt as if they were chiseled in place. "I'll explain it on my next birthday," I laughed into his ear before he took off from the parking lot.

The timing was oddly perfect. We passed both Bella and Edward talking outside of Edward's Volvo. Edward frowned and Bella gawked. I self-consciously waved at them both before latching my fingers once again across Jacob.

The wind on my face and the thrill of the speed Jacob revved up too made me feel...alive. It was an extraordinary experience. Even though Jacob pushed the speed to a faster pace than I preferred, I felt safe that he was in control.

The ride ended at the cliffs in the Quileutes Tribe's Reservation. The infamous spot where Bella kicked off the climax of New Moon. Jacob attempted to gauge my reaction to where he brought me.

"Why did you bring me here? A birthday surprise of a beautiful landscape for me to admire? You shouldn't have, Jacob." I jested coyly to him.

"I knew you wouldn't care about receiving a present." _Am I actually right?_

"How did you draw that conclusion?" I enquired. Jacob looked out to the blue water ahead of us.

"Observation." _That's all I get? Lame. _

"Well thank you for sharing this with me. It's definitely a sight to behold."

"Not the only sight..." I thought I heard Jacob whisper.

"Come again?"

"It sure is." He clarified when he spoke up. _I knew I misheard him._

"We better get back to my car though. I am no longer grounded, but I still need to keep in my parents' good graces."

"Well there was one more thing..." Jacob's voice drifted off. He still wasn't looking at me. I shifted my body to fully face his side profile. "Have you ever heard of cliff diving?" _Only from the books._

"Sounds dangerous." I omitted to directly answer his question.

"For some it can be. Me and my...friends do it often. It's a rush that makes you feel alive." I smiled at him. I knew what he meant. I had just experienced that on the back of his motorcycle.

"Let's do it together." He didn't ask but informed me.

"Hold the phone. What? Didn't you get me out of my comfort zone enough with the motorcycle ride back there?" I asked him incredulously. He finally turned his face to directly face me, aside from the obvious height difference. He looked older in this moment then I was used to seeing. There was a different air about him. He had been becoming more mature little by little through my coaching on his approach with Bella. Apparently, it had also been trickling over into his behavior with me as well.

His tan skin, dark eyes and ebony hair contrasted beautifully with the light in the sky. He was a...good looking guy.

"You're 18 now. Don't you want to start it off with a real bang? We can leave immediately when we get out of the water."

"But your bike is up here, so it wouldn't be that immediately." I poked a hole in his logic.

"I'll retrieve it why you wait. I can be fast." Jacob grinned devilishly at me. I knew he would be if he transformed. _Am I really considering this?_

"But I don't have any other clothes than this and it's cold outside." I threw out my last line of defense. If he could break through it, I knew I was bound to give in.

"I can keep you warm. I run at a high body temp," Jacob assured me as he grabbed my hand and placed it on his exposed bicep. _Dammit_.

"Have you done this with Bella already?" I had to ask. I was genuinely curious.

"No..." Jacob said with sadness. "She just wants to talk about Edward most days and not go anywhere when she comes to visit me." My lips pressed together, and I held in my initial response.

"I am sorry. We both could use some excitement then. Let's jump." I knew my decision was more for his benefit than my own. Jacob was in a lot of pain with his struggle of participating in a battle that he would ultimately lose in.

Before I let my decision fully sink in, Jacob's hand was pulling me over the cliff's edge. The fall was short. But during it, I felt time slow down as Jacob and I looked at each other in excitement with our hands intertwined. The impact in the water was harsh and frigid. My swimming would have gone over poorly in the present current, if Jacob didn't help keep me afloat. We made it to the shore together, and he made good on his promise of retrieving his bike in a fast turnaround time. I didn't question the speed of it.

Despite chattering my teeth off when Jacob finally returned, I started boiling soon after I was once again wrapped around him as he drove me back to my car.

When we arrived at my Camry, I was quick to jump off the bike feeling flustered with how I had been acting since he showed up. Jacob looked at me strangely as he watched me walk to the driver's side door. "Happy birthday, Jessica."

"It was a fun time. Thanks...Jake." Jacob beamed at me with surprise. He shook his head at me and commented, "You never cease to surprise me."

"That's what it means to be 'A-game' Jessica." I winked at him before opening the car door and settling inside it. He was off before I turned on the engine.

I had no idea what to expect when I arrived home. I assumed my family forgot my birthday. Which wasn't a big deal. I decided to no longer be hurt over it. I hadn't celebrated my birthday as Katie Smith either. It would not be a letdown after all.

When I walked through the front door, streamers were hanging from our high ceilings. Red and pink balloons were scattered in the front hallway and led into the kitchen. I followed them and stopped short from entering the kitchen when I heard the ensuing conversation.

"So, you didn't say happy birthday yet to our daughter either?" My mom asked my dad.

"I thought this was all supposed to be a surprise," my dad answered in disbelief.

"It was but we should have told her happy birthday this morning still! What terrible parents we are," my mom exclaimed disappointedly.

I walked in to greet them with tears streaming down my face. My face felt so damp I was at a loss of what produced so many of the tears to occur.

...

That night I went to bed on my birthday with a heart full of love following the birthday celebration with my parents and Daniel.

_Author's Note ii:_

_Next chapter we shall see…what's up with Victoria and her newborn army, how does Bella feel that she has to share Jake and Edward, other Twilight characters get cameos. _

_Lalaland972's Response to Reviews:_

**KimHdz:** Thank you for that review! I still read your original one and feel so flattered by it. I hope you continue to love this chapter and the others too come! Thank you for being a fan! :D

**Hmz0975:** I feel this chapter may have not eased your confusion about the future pairing! But isn't that a little fun? In Twilight, I feel like readers always knew it was Edward despite the teasing of Bella/Jacob. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**CasJeanne:** I feel privileged you think so highly of my story! I am grateful for all the favs/follows I get, but ultimately love the reviews the best to know why someone likes what I am writing. It always brings me great joy to read and inspires me to write very soon.

**Arwengeld:** Thank you for taking the time to review each chapter! Good memory about what Alice told Bella! That will all be revealed sooner or later. I am sure you saw more strange actions from Edward and Jacob towards Katie/Jessica this chapter as well! :O

**Hiareportstoyou:** I am impressed you made it to ch 9 after your previous unfavorable reviews! I guess the story wasn't the worst thing you ever read then? haha Thanks for your constructive criticism thus far. Teens do drink. I never did in high school though (I just read fanfic on the weekends because I was a recluse my junior and senior year) and don't like to condone it for those in the US because _it is_ illegal. To each their own though, right? Keep reviewing! You keep me on my toes!

**Twin268:** I hope you were thrilled to see another update SO soon! Thank you for your reviews! I hope this chapter did not disappoint! Reviewers like you inspire me to write sooner rather than later :)

**ginkgo00:** Thank you for the acknowledging the lengths I go to for writing my chapters! I am glad you notice, and I can keep you so intrigued with my story. I hope you still continue to enjoy! :)

**brankel1:** Yay! I love Daniel too!

**Guest:** Thank you! I am glad that you do!

JustMePMM: I wonder if you were surprised with how this chapter went? :0 i hope you enjoyed it:)

**Treasure89:** I had a reviewer on a previous chapter that mentioned she was close to being a Mary-Jane and I realized what she meant. I wanted to make sure Katie is fallible. She does have insight (not as accurate as she once thought though!) about the characters but that doesn't make her perfect despite her maturity. I wonder if you were surprised about her not being sidelined when it came to Edward/Jacob this chapter? Next chapter will explore Bella's take on things though! The Volturi entrance is what I least look forward to writing right now to make it align with how I want this story to end -_- As for Ch3…don't worry! That will be revisited in the future. I am working up an organic way to present it since Bella never told Katie/Jessica about how Edward broke up with her in the woods. It will be a VERY revealing conversation ;) Thank you for your passionate reviews! They are always a pleasure to read and then re-read!


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's Note i: At the end of the chapter 10, I added an additional sentence to give closure to the scene so I could start this chapter as I planned._

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 11**

In March, I found out I was living a lie. A big, fat lie orchestrated methodically by Bella, Jacob and Edward.

It all came unraveling on the first Friday of the month. I should have seen it coming sooner though. I was blind to the signs. I ignored the feeling of being watched on my nightly runs. I dismissed the fact the Cullen Clan had their eyes drawn on me more often than they should. It should have been obvious, but I was oblivious because I was allowing myself to actually enjoy the attention of two Twilight male leads foolishly. I was acting 18 years old despite having more years of experience than the age of my current body.

Friday after school I stopped by the grocery store while on my way home to pick up a gallon of milk for my mom. I ran into Charlie in the dairy isle.

"Jessica!" Charlie called after me in surprise. I hadn't seen him since that dreadful sleepover at their house.

"Hi Chief Swan. How are you doing?" I asked politely.

"I'm fine. How are you? I've missed hearing about you from Bella. Are you both not close anymore?" Charlie finished grabbing two coffee creamer bottles from the refrigerated section. _Were we ever really close though? _

"I've been pretty busy with school and work lately." It was not a lie.

"And not boys? Bella needs to look to you as a good example for how she should spend her time." Charlie rose his right hand to scratch the top of his head and exhaled loudly. Looking at him more closely, he looked older. The wrinkles in his forehead were more pronounced and the bags under his eyes were begging for him to get more sleep. _Poor Charlie. He doesn't even know this is the least of his problems compared to what the future has in store for him. _

"You're funny, Chief Swan." I laughed forcibly. He was right, but I didn't want to egg him on and somehow get Bella in trouble.

"You were a really good influence over Bella. Would you come over for dinner tonight at our house? It would put my mind at ease knowing Bella spends time with female friends _too._" His request was not unreasonable, but he didn't understand the awkward silence that would hover over the dinner table if Bella was not the one to extend the invitation to me.

"Um..." I hesitated to give an immediate answer. Charlie picked up on that I hadn't decided "No" just yet, so he pulled out an Ace from up his sleeve.

"_Please_, my old ticker needs a break from seeing my daughter off with Jacob or Edward all the time. And I have no good reason to prevent her from seeing them. She even threatened to move out if I didn't support her and Edward being back together." Charlie looked devastated as he uttered his last sentence. _Hook, line and sinker._ I took the bait and sighed internally before I accepted his offer.

"I would love to join you guys for dinner. Please let Bella know before I come over. I rather my presence not surprise her." I was _really_ afraid he was just going to spring it on her last second and I would walk into their house to see Bella seething.

...

I was relieved when I walked up the driveway to the Swan house that a certain Volvo and red motorcycle were not present. It would have defeated the purpose of the dinner if they were there. And I didn't need a front row seat to the show I had skillfully been avoiding.

Bella opened the front door before I could even knock on it and solidify my mental composure. _F***_. Bella's mouth was unmoving, and her eyes reviewed my presence like I was a road block.

"Hi Jessica." Bella's voice was flat. I didn't detect any disdain, so I held out hope I could survive the dinner without any drama. Bella walked me to the dining table that takeout food was sprawled all over. _Of course it's takeout. _

Charlie was at the head of the table and flashed me an enthusiastic grin. I doubt he would have kept that smile if he knew the estrangement Bella and I developed after I returned from Helena. I didn't have the heart to tell him "no" earlier though after he sounded so desperate. _Suck it up, Jessica. We can get through this. _

It was as I predicted earlier. We were suffocating in silence as we all ate. Charlie kept obviously shifting his head to look at me and Bella to see who would break the quiet, still air first.

When I stupidly let my eyes make contact with Charlie's, I got the hint he was begging me to say anything. _Guilt tripped once again. Sigh. _

"So, Bella, have you decided on where you are going for college?" _Alaska_.

"I am going to go with the University of Alaska. It will be a great experience." She stated calmly. Charlie looked pained with her response._ Oh boy_.

"I can imagine." _Literally why you are choosing to 'go there'. But I am still slightly surprised because there is no 'Volturi' factor demanding she has to change yet. Maybe Edward has become Pro-vampire for her on his own accord?_ "I was accepted at the University of Washington. However, I am deferring the first semester." Bella's eyes widened. Charlie's face was a picture-perfect capture of the "I am surprised" look.

"Why?" Bella failed to mask the intrigue in her voice to know the answer.

"I am going to save up money and do a solo backpacking trip in Europe in the fall," I replied before I wiped my mouth and took a sip out of the water glass in front of me.

"Where did this come from? At the end of junior year, you wouldn't stop talking about how you couldn't wait to get out of Forks and live it up in college." Bella was getting a little too worked up over my future life choice. It stemmed from spending SIX years in college and enduring unnecessarily another year of high school. If I had to do college over, I at least deserved a well needed f***ing break from _any_ school. But I couldn't tell her or Charlie that tidbit though.

"People change their minds." I had no deeper meaning intended with my response, but the way Bella's eyes fixated on me I felt she was cooking up a storm in that boy crazy head of hers.

The conversation shifted to be less melodramatic after my response and we even roped in Charlie to participate. Charlie was pleased at the conversation's progression. He was so enraptured in joy that the plan he cooked up was panning out that he didn't notice Bella...hiding her growing discomfort at being in my presence.

After we all finished eating, Charlie shooed us both away from the table when we volunteered to help clean up. He insisted we have some "girl time". What we both least wanted in that moment.

I followed Bella to her bedroom. When she closed the door, her attitude flipped a switch.

"What gives, Jessica?" Bella asked as she flopped belly down on her bed. What an attitude she was giving me.

"I don't understand." I truly didn't. She needed to be clear with me. I was not a mind reader.

"Why are you here?" Bella groaned.

"Well...because your Dad asked me to come over for dinner. Then suggested we go to your room." I stated the obvious. But my literal answer was not sufficient for Bella.

"Don't be smart. You know what I meant." Bella shot me a dark look.

"Because your dad guilted me into it. He was worried about you. Why are you pissed off at me? I don't understand what changed after I got back from Helena." Guilt flashed through Bella's brown eyes. Just as quickly as it appeared it disappeared.

"I was just pretending to get closer to you to ease Charlie's mind in those darker days." Bella scoffed at me. What she said_ really_ hurt my feelings. I never expected her to be so cold, especially after everything we had been through the first semester of the school year.

"Um, okay. I am just going to get going then." Bella perked up and sat up immediately on her bed.

"No! You can't go yet!" _What is going on? Why is she hot and cold right now?_

"I have no reason to stay and be subjected to your rudeness," I said dismissively and walked toward the bedroom door. Bella beat me to the door though and cut off my path.

"You can't. We need to make sure Vict-" Bella covered her mouth in shock before she finished revealing too much. But I knew what conclusion to make. Victoria or someone from that newborn army had to be stalking her house. She...was "concerned" about me? Possibly pushing me away to avoid the inevitable conflict? Then it dawned on me, the time Edward and Jacob spent with me was **only** out of obligation to protect me from the outside danger. _How did I not see this coming and__ ever__ let myself get involved in this mess?_

I felt so foolish in that moment. My vocal cords tightened as I attempted to push down all the feelings trying to rise up in me. I refused to let Bella see how upset I was. Or know _why_ I felt this way. I pushed Bella out of the way and left her room. I ran down the stairs and out of the house as quickly as I could.

I got in my car and drove away. I drove past the abandoned park. I drove past my house. I drove past the sign informing me that I was leaving Forks. I had no idea where I was driving to. But I had to get out. _How could I be so stupid? What the __**hell**__ was I thinking? That they actually wanted to hang out with me because they liked me as a person? No. I was supposed to get out of their lives when the semester started. I had my mind set on it too. But they __**wouldn't **__leave me be though. And now I know why. It all makes sense given everything before never made __any__ sense to me. I never belonged here. I just need to graduate and get the hell out of Forks ASAP. _

I was finally ready to turn around on the unknown road I was aimlessly driving on, when a clunking noise started to occur. _What the hell is that? How long has that gas light been on? Shit._

My Camry came to a dead halt. I was out of gas. _When did I last pass a gas station? _I was fuming. I blamed Edward, Jacob and Bella for my current predicament. Initially, I was not mad at Bella as well and actually appreciated she was putting distance between us for my safety. But then it struck me she probably got a good kick out of hearing their reports on how their surveillance of me was going. Why I would even have to be protected was a mystery to me. One I couldn't **EVER** ask because I would reveal I had known about their worlds all along. I preferred to keep up the pretense I was "blissfully unaware" of the vampires and wolves crowding my personal space almost on a daily basis. _F**k them all_.

I heard a howling in the distance. _You got to be shitting me right now. There is NO way this can be pulled off naturally by Jacob or anyone in his pack if they come up to me in the middle of nowhere. I am sure that it must have nothing to do with me. _

I continued to walk forward on the dark and deserted road. I had to come across a gas station or something remotely symbolizing signs of civilization at some point. I had been walking for some time when growing bright lights from behind me began increasing my visibility on the road. I didn't bother to turn around yet. I had a bad feeling on who it could be.

"Jessica!" Edward shouted at me through the driver's side of his Volvo after he rolled down the window.

"No thank you." I kept walking forward.

"What? Don't you want a ride back home? Did your car break down, I saw it a couple miles back?" Edwards feigned innocence was easy to call bullshit on now that I had a new clarity to what had been going on.

"Go away, Cullen. I can take care of myself. I'll eventually find other help or make it to a gas station," I said sharply.

Edward stopped his car and got out. He caught up to me soon enough on foot. Edward gently grabbed my hand to stop me and ask, "What's going on? Why are you acting this way?"

"Leave me alone, Edward!" I snapped at him.

"No. Please explain to me what's going on." His faked sincerity was good. Too good. It set me off.

"I am **tired **of being a part of this sick and twisted game between you, Bella and Jacob. Leave me the hell alone for now on. I am done with all three of you!" I shouted with malice. He froze.

"What did Bella say to you?" Edward pleaded desperately with me to connect the dots for him.

"Nothing." I could not give anything away. So, I mixed my next words to follow with half-truth and half lies. "I am tired though. I am just a consolation prize to you both. If Bella can't bless you with her presence, "oh let me find Jessica to fill my time up with until Bella gives me her time again". It's annoying. I am sorry she can't choose between you two yet but figure it out amongst your damn selves and stop dragging me into it. Leave me alone now, Edward. I gave you the answer you were seeking." Edward didn't catch up to me as I walked further away from him. _Good. I can be alone to think on my own now._

Just when I thought he was actually granting me my wish, the headlights were following me again. I stopped. His window was partially rolled down.

"Why are you still here?" I demanded to know from him.

"Just because you intend to be stubborn doesn't mean I have to abide by your entire request. I am following you until you get help or make it to a gas station. Once that happens, I'll leave you alone," he informed me coolly.

"Whatever floats your boat." I picked up my pace to work on minimizing the time I would have to endure being 'escorted' by Edward.

The thunderous roar of a motorcycle was trailing up the road towards us. _F***_. _Jacob too_? It made me sick to my stomach to realize how soon after my discovery fate would be so cruel to throw them both in my face.

"What's going on?" Jacob exclaimed when kicking his bike stand in place as he parked the bike on the side of the road.

"Leave, Jacob." My voice had a warning in it.

"Edward, why is Jessica walking on the side of the road? What's taking so long?" Jacob didn't even address me.

"Glad to see you're both BFFs now. Both of you get out of my sight." My threat did not dissuade them from talking privately together.

"Don't coddle her. It's dangerous out here. I'll throw her in the back of your car if I have to. She doesn't know better!" Jacob erupted loudly.

"We can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, Jacob." Edward said softly to him.

"Like hell! I'll do it myself. Stop being so soft, blood sucker." I did my best to not look behind me to see their reactions at what Jacob let slip. I imagined Edward may have given Jacob a rather murderous glance that Jacob brushed off outwardly but felt guilty about on the inside.

"Jessica, we have to go. **Now**. Nothing good happens when it is dark outside."

A sharp pain punched me in the gut. "Nothing good happens when it is dark outside" is what I told myself before I crossed the street and was hit by a speeding car on my way to get toilet paper from the convenience store. My feet stopped shuffling forward. The rush of Katie Smith's life engulfed my being.

**_No. _**

_Not again. _

_I cannot relive this pain as I did in Helena. _

I thought I had deadened _those_ feelings of my former life within myself and I had accepted this new life. However, it seemed though that I was wrong.

"Jessica?" Jacob called to me softly as he approached me on the side of the road.

"Katie..." I whispered to the universe.

"Your middle name?" I blinked at him. _What?_

"Jessica Katie Stanley. Your full name. Why did you say Katie though?"

"How do you know my full name?" I asked him.

"I...uh. Did some background research on you when Bella starting mentioning you a lot when we hung out." That did it. I was mentally wiped out and through being stubborn. I could write them both off after I was home and safe.

I nodded at Jacob and proceeded to make my way to the backseat of Edward's Volvo. Edward drove me home in complete silence and Jacob followed us. I neither thanked or said goodbye to either of them after I was dropped off and they watched me walk into the front door of the house.

My mom and dad were understandably upset when I walked through the front door threshold. It was well past midnight. They both tightly hugged me while I explained to them what happened to them both.

"It always seems like Edward is saving you," my mom murmured in my ear as my Dad walked into the kitchen to make tea. She missed me rolling my eyes.

"Much to my displeasure. I can take care of myself," I informed her as she sat down on the red plush love seat in our living room. _There is something about that seat. I think I had an important conversation on it when talking to someone. Was it…my mom? _I shook off the deja vu and sat next to my mother.

"Yes, your father and I have seen you have become a _very_ independent woman since…your senior year started." She was looking at her hands in her lap.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked her sincerely.

"No, of course not. You've matured a lot in the last year and have become the young woman we always hoped you would be. Kinder, more responsible, hardworking and so much more. But along the way…" My mom's head tilted up and took notice of my father standing in the kitchen doorway.

"You stopped needing us." The kettle was whistling in the kitchen cutting the tension of an important conversation. My father returned to pull it off the stove and pour us all tea. He set down three china cups on saucers on the coffee table before my mother dared to continue.

"It was like one day you woke up and decided you didn't need your parents anymore. You no longer came to _us_ about anything. We had to convince you to spend time with us again. Although you had started turning into a fine young lady, it was at a cost we almost weren't willing to pay the price of." My mom's voice started choking up when she finished. _When I first became Jessica, I perceived them as standoffish with Jessica. I think I misunderstood their relationship with their daughter. I was grateful to minimize conversations with them in the beginning and they were used to their daughter coming to them of her own accord._

"But my behavior towards Daniel has been better right?" I questioned to find a saving grace in being a 'better' Jessica.

"You've always been fine with Daniel."_ Huh? _"Daniel has always been a sensitive kid who wasn't fond of his older sister teasing or picking on him. He called you "bad" Jessica, but my older sisters were a lot meaner to me when growing up." My mom was swirling the tea bag in her china cup around. Almost like a nervous tick.

"Daniel said you were afraid of me slipping back into my bad habits from before again though…" I muttered confused.

"Jessica, Daniel is 10 years old. Do you think he really comprehended our adult conversation in its entirety?" She had a fair point.

"Then what did he think he heard?"

"Good lord, who knows Jessica. Why does it matter? Your father and I were trying to have a different kind of conversation with you before you went down this tangent," my mother snipped at me. I was beginning to feel like a letdown.

I watched my dad extend his hand over my mom's free hand not swirling the tea cup. I was about to reply when my Dad took his turn. "Did we do something wrong? Was there a reason you started to leave us in the dust?" This was all new to me. Parents. **Who cared**. I could not tell them I didn't know I was hurting them and only pretending to be the daughter they miss so much. I **was **a monster.

I started crying and apologizing profusely. I could not say anything more than sorry. They both took turns holding me and whispering in my ear it was okay. Nothing more needed to be said. Jessica's parents finished their tea soon after our conversation and decided to turn in for the night. I followed them soon after and headed to Jessica's bedroom. Everything that transpired over the course of the day had cut up every stitch on my scarred heart that I worked so hard to put back together since Helena. The seams were torn out so quickly that it was almost painless. There was this clearness in my decision about my path forward. It involved no longer lying to Jessica's family, her friends, and the psycho manipulative Twilight characters that played me like a fool. I was leaving. _But not tonight…because the Camry is who knows how many miles away and without gas in the tank. _

I slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. I was going to embrace who I really was, Katie Smith.

I felt excellent sleeping in that Saturday morning. My fate was mine to control. I was going to escape this life and start a new one. It would be better for everyone to mourn the real Jessica versus being an imposter the rest of my existence here.

My excitement was short lived after I descended the stairs to the kitchen. Edward was talking to Jessica's mom. I could not leave Forks soon enough to escape this hell hole.

"Good morning, Jessica." Jessica's mom sounded quite chipper. Her sunny disposition would have been welcomed, if a damn vampire had not been standing in the kitchen. I offered her a slight smile and discretely attempted to throw daggers with my eyes at Edward Cullen. "Edward has kindly offered to take you back to your car. He even brought a gas container with him already filled up. Isn't that the sweetest?" Jessica's mom was being blindly fooled by Edward.

"Sweeter than sugar," I muttered mockingly in the fakest southern accent possible.

"I'll leave you two to it. Please stop by again in the future, Edward." Jessica's mom smiled warmly at him.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Stanley." Edward's fake gentleman act generated a blush on Jessica's mom's face. _Bleh! Don't give in to him!_ She kept true to her word and left us alone in the kitchen.

"Seriously? Did you not get the hint last night?" I attempted to keep my voice level since we were still inside the house, but I conveyed my displeasure with my facial features.

"We need to talk." Edward was rather calm.

"No." I did not want any fake ass excuse or even the real god damn reason he was here in front of me now.

"Please." The desperation in Edwards voice was…

_Author's Note ii:_

_My beloved readers of "But Why am I Jessica?", the next installment of this story is the __**Dramatic CONCLUSION **_of Katie/Jessica's journey_**.**__ :O__** IT WILL **__take some time for me to finish it because IT will be as LONG as it is EPIC. Also, fact checking and editing factor in that time too. I say..2 weeks to a month before I post! All this time readers pointed out I was not giving enough background into a character's behavior…well __I intentionally did not provide more insight to other characters actions outside of Jessica's POV. There is a reason. I promise and I hope you can trust me. And you will find the reason for it ALL in the ending! WHAT! I have began drafting and I am getting chills =D_

_Lalaland972's Response to Reviews (now listed alphabetically lol) :_

**Angelcorus:** I think you could be a good match too! I am glad you think their relationship is progressing well enough to still support! :) Thank you for all of your reviews!

**Arwengeld:** Thank you! I think ALL your questions will be answered in the ending! I hope they are to your liking!

**brankel1:** Yes! Thank you!

**CasJeanne:** Thank you! :D We got some more parent action this time. I hope I tied up some things with them well. I think there is a little more to explain in the future tho!

**DxGrayxMan:** Definitely not. I think they have great chemistry.

**Escala201: **I think they make a sweet pair. Though he is still taken at the moment :O I wonder how this will play over in the conclusion?!

**exoplanetprincess:** Yay, thank you!

**Guest1: **I don't think you should see a love square in the end :) Things get concluded! I am glad you appreciated the chapter quality. I was nervous to devote time to them both in one chapter and to able to pull it off. Whew!

**Guest2: **Wow, thanks for the compliment. I don't know if I have enough Gossip Girl knowledge to do a fanfic, but never say never! Also, I made sure to address this in my second author's note. The reason for people being in the dark will be explained in the conclusion teehee my grand master plan. Thank you for reminding me about the cracking down! I will make sure that is appropriately acknowledged (well, to the best I can!) in the ending.

**Hiareportsyou: **ha! Noted:) 1. No way! My mom would have done a lot worse to me in High School! Haha 2. Glad it approved…somewhat. *_* 3. What kind of stories are these?

**Hmz0975: **Thank you! I enjoyed getting them both in this chapter too! What did you think of Bella in this chapter?

**Imlovinfanfic:** Sweet user name! Glad you are enjoying my story! I hope you liked this chaoter and will enjoy the conclusion!

**Jhi**: :D Wow! Thank you for writing that review. I feel very honored. I hope you continue to love this chapter and the ending! This story won't be abandoned. I am very excited to end it for myself and my readers. Like you Thank you for enjoying my writing and please continue to enjoy!

**JustMePMM**: yes they did remember it after all :) were you surprised this chapter by the turn of events?!

**Lena1207**: Thank you so much! Hey don't be too hard on Edward lol I don't want to give anything way, but I want to say with 85% confidence I think all readers will enjoy this story's conclusion.

**Ri P Raven:** FOUR- no, FIVE times now?! That is major flattering. Thank you for sharing that with me. Bella was a crap friend in the Saga I think in this chapter we see there a little more to Bella's aloofness this semester towards Katie/Jessica. A lot will be dived into for the conclusion. You made a fascinating hypothesis about the Jessica/Family situation. It was a tempting plot line to think on haha I hope this chapter cleared that up more. As for the grounding, I just think I tried to model that after what my mom would have done to me in high school if I did what Jessica did haha ALL of your wonderings for what is going on will DEFINTELY be addressed in the conclusion. I purposefully omitted stuff to keep readers in suspense =D I actually did read 30% of Midnight Sun recently to look into Edward's character to understand his reasoning of why he fell for Bella. It still wasn't super deep/clear to me, but I got what I needed to work with! I am glad I could make Edward's personality more toned down. This is also explained in the ending lol Good advice to Bella. I think she could definitely you the time to figure her shit out and grow as an individual lol Thank you for all your reviews! I appreciate you took the time to share your thoughts so in depth/passion for the story.

**Treasure89:** Sounds like I did my job well if you are ALMOST at a stalemate between them :D I like your thoughts in Edward. And VERY astute observation about Jacob. I think you will be impressed with the holes finally filled in the conclusion! You made my heart happy calling out all the extra stuff I gave in the last chapter. I love when people notice that! I assume others do as well, but you have legitimately confirmed this for me! Now that is a gift! Also, don't be surprised if you have made some spot-on predictions in your reviews for the end in some bits along this story :O Thank you for the kind words and affirmation of my writing!

**Twin268:** Ah I know! I am up in arms too :D Not going to lie, I was going to hold off on posting this one to sit on it more to see if this is how I wanted to really go with the story. Then I remembered I have reviewers like you who comment as guests and diligently check this website for updates. Thus, I knew if I had it done and felt confident, I had to post. SO here we are I hope you liked this chapter! Less romance, but key set up for that is to come.

**twilightstuff:** Look's like you just caught up again! Thank you for the reviews! To respond to your chapter 10 comment, you will get insight in the conclusion. Dun, dun, dun!

**Whatkoolser:** She is not so okay anymore after this chapter T_T

**Wolcen:** You brought up a super good point! I think this will be addressed to a certain extent in the conclusion :)

**Xenovial: **That made me happy to read! I hope that continues to the end!


	12. Chapter 12-1

_Hello readers! Welcome to the Twilight Zone! You are about to embark on the adventure of reading one of three different endings for Katie/Jessica's Journey in "But why am I Jessica?". Right now, you have selected the:_

**12.1 Edward ending**

12.2 Jacob ending

12.3 Friendship ending

_I have added the same author's note at the end to explain the inspiration for the story and to say my thanks/acknowledgments/respond to ch 11 reviews. Please read and enjoy! _

Credit to: **Treasure89 **for _Beta review_ and helping me feel confident about this ending!

* * *

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 12.1**

**Alternate Ending 1 – Edward Cullen**

The desperation in his voice was compelling me to hear him out. But I couldn't tell him that.

"Give me one f***ing good reason why," I snapped at Edward. Edward flinched while I ignored the heat burning in my cheeks.

"Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly. Then your love would also change," Edward recited softly.

I snorted with derision. His gaze held steady upon my face as we stared at each other across the kitchen island.

"How on earth is quoting Shakespeare your saving grace for me to hear you out?" My anger was boiling over at him. Every moment we spent together was tarnished. It was a lie.

"For someone so smart, you can be so daft sometimes. It is infuriating!" Edward's hands on the kitchen table were clenched in fists.

"Insulting me is not helping your case. Go, Edward!" I walked around the kitchen island to him so I could physically shove him out the front door of the house. He needed to understand the conversation was over.

Edward buried his head in his hands before I could reach him. "I love you," Edward confessed into his hands. My breath stalled.

_What?_

He rubbed his perfect face with both hands. When he dropped his hands back to the kitchen island, his hair was sticking up where he had ruffled it and his eyes looked wide, if not a little dismayed.

I closed my eyes and summoned a deep breath, holding it in. Working to reclaim my composure.

"As a friend?" I asked innocently. I was at a loss at what kind of love he meant.

"No! God...why are you so difficult? I am trying to confess, and you dismiss it so easily." Edward's voice was heart breaking. I tried to combat the sympathy I was starting to feel for him.

_Is he tricking me again? What is going on?_

"Confess what?" My brain's processing power seemed like a broken software that kept sending an error message of "**_does not compute_**".

Edward growled in frustration. He took the three steps forward that separated us. He relaxed his shoulders and took my right hand in his. He brought my hand to his lips and planted a soft kiss on it. "_I_...am in love with you, Jessica Stanley."

I jerked my hand back as soon as Jessica's name left his lips. I felt betrayed by the guilt manifesting within myself when I scanned his eyes. I knew I was the source of the sorrow reflecting in them.

"You have a girlfriend. Bella," I disputed in disbelief.

"_Had,"_ Edward sighed while his face sagged.

"I don't understand," I muttered to myself. _This is not right_. "You and Bella are **made** for each other. Like a love story could be written about you both!" Edward eyed me peculiarly.

"I don't know where you are getting that from, but you are incorrect." Edward studied his hand that was previously intertwined with mine.

"When? When did this happen?" I was so confused. **_None_** of this made sense. It also contradicted the new information I learned the previous night from Bella. Or...the conclusion I jumped to.

"That's a long and complicated story. Before I go into it...can you tell me how you feel? About me?" I felt...lost. About anything I assumed I already knew about the Twilight-verse I was thrusted into.

"I...can't give you what you want, Edward. I don't love you. You don't love me either. You love what you think you know of me. But not all of me, the real me," I spoke detachedly.

"I think you're not giving me enough credit of what I know of you." I smiled sympathetically. I am sure to some degree I couldn't fathom what else he knew about me from reading other's minds. But he didn't know Katie Smith.

"You're a great guy, Edward. One of a kind. Very sweet. A true gentleman. But..."

_You can't declare love for a human without even telling her you are a vampire first. _

"I think you are confused. Bella is the right one for you to love. I am...a pebble in your shoe. You know I am there, but you should discard me before- well, just discard me."

_Terrible analogy. Don't know where I was going with that one. I totally just butchered that metaphor from Ever After. Oops!_

I raised my right hand to his cold, pale face and saw a familiar hurt in his gold eyes that I recognized. I drew to my tip toes and planted a kiss on his smooth cheek where my hand once was. Edward got the hint. He opened his mouth to say something, but he at the last minute decided to press his lips together and left my presence.

He left the filled gas canister outside on the front door of the house. I picked it up before Jessica's dad drove me to retrieve the Camry.

The rest of the Saturday was thrown off by Edward's declaration. It distorted the assumptions I made the night before about how Jacob and him were only hanging out with me for my own protection. It could have been true...but I didn't understand how and when Edward fell for me. Or why? Bella was his intended mate. She wanted the future he would give her. She wanted to be a vampire. I just wanted to live my life to the._..fullest_. My role in the Twilight Saga crossed unprecedented territory a long time ago.

I tried not to feel guilty for too long. I believed he would come to his senses and redirect his attention to Bella.

_Oh shit! Bella. How did she take the news? Oh god did he tell her he was in love with me? I am totally f***ed come Monday at school. How the hell do I dig myself out of this grave?_

I needed to clear my head and rethink my dramatic reaction the night before. I was too rash in my thinking. If I was going to make such a huge decision, I needed to be absolutely sure and not do it on a whim. My ultimate decision would affect others' lives. To help organize my thoughts, I decided to go on a run.

I left the house at a rather fast pace. I was in a hurry to get my adrenaline pumping so my thoughts could clear up. The evening was remarkable for a run. The air was crisp. The sky was a shimmering pale pink with an orange sun smack dab in the middle that too soon was bidding everyone a good night as it began to set. The setting of the sun was the indication I needed to turn around during my run and head back home. This run, like my other runs since December, had not crossed into the woods. I missed running through the trees, but I knew I was safer in a public space. For some unknown reason, Bella was overly cautious that my being her friend got me mixed up in the newborn vampire mess coming up.

_Will that still take place after graduation?_ A stranger's pale skin glistened in the distance ahead of me_. Oh cool, another runner out tonight. Wow they are super-fast! I wonder what mile per hour pace they are running-_

"Thank you for making this so easy, Jessica." I gaped at the vampire in front of me. Glittering skin reflecting in the dimming sunlight. Red eyes. Blond short hair. The male stranger's menacing face was foreshadowing the time I had left in this world would be short. Before I could begin fighting back, the vampire grabbed my right forearm.

***crack* **

His grip on my forearm crunched my bones. Excruciating pain surged up my arm and by the time it reached my brain, it ordered me to pass out to protect me from the shock and increasing pain level intensity from the fracture.

...

I woke up shivering on wet grass. _The meadow again? What's up with these damn theatrics by vampires? _I assessed my body before daring to understand what kind of situation I was in. It took a lot of courage to look at my right arm. It was a limp noodle. The bone was still broken. I had not imagined it after all. And...I was in less pain then before. It didn't make sense.

_Have I been drugged?_

"Sorry about that, love. Newborns have a strength that can be so hard to...control." The laughter came from a beautiful woman with bright red curly hair.

_Victoria! Seriously, who did I piss off in my last life to deserve all this bullshit?!_

I refused to speak to her. I would give her nothing. I just needed to find an opportunity to escape. My arm was broken, but not my legs. I could run. I would not out run them, but maybe I could have a chance. I had to at least try to fight for the pathetic second chance at life I was given. I would not rely on anyone saving me.

"You don't even understand what is going on, do you? That is what makes this all the more savory." Victoria crouched down to meet me on the ground. Her hungry eyes swept over my body. "A vampire falling in love with one human is laughable. Falling in love with a second one though is pathetic." Victoria extended her blood dried fingers on my face. She licked her lips in a very obvious way. Subtly just didn't seem like her style. She let go of my face and stood up.

"At first, my objective was Bella. And then through my own observations and some former soldiers of mine, I learned of your existence. You...ignorant to our world captured Edward's attention. He killed **MY **mate over that _wretched_ and_ pathetic_ human, Bella." The disdain for Bella in Victoria's voice was chilling. "We watched as I built my army. Then, when it clicked he loved you more, what I thought was a major setback was actually the perfect opportunity to exact my revenge. My army was decimated at its peak when we were so close to strike. I was far enough away that I was not perished as well. Fate has allowed me to survive for a reason. _For this moment_. The Cullen's were so focused on my army being built and protecting Bella, you were an afterthought to protect. To a certain degree they did, but I knew they would slip up. I just had to bide my time. And then tonight was presented to me. My darling, you are going to be my gift to Edward. First, I'll kill you. And then Bella."

"Why both of us?!" I demanded to know.

"Because it looks like he killed my mate for no f**king reason. Some great love if he could throw it away for you. Don't you think?" Victoria smiled beautifully at me. It was maddening that such a lethal killer could be so mesmerizing. Especially after reciting a speech of their plans to kill you.

"Are you not scared of vampires, _Jessie_?" Victoria asked me as she drew closer to me again. My body began to tremble with rage. I refused to display my horrified internal reaction over the way she emphasized Daniel's nickname for me.

"**Don't you dare touch, Daniel**!" I yelled enraged. I had never exhibited this level of wrath before. I would battle through Dante's seven layers of hell to protect Daniel. She had been watching me too closely if she knew that was what Daniel called me. I feared for the safety of the Stanley's- no, my family in that moment.

I knew I needed to calm myself down though. I was in no position to be enraging a vampire and if I continued to vocalize my current thought process, I could inspire Victoria to add my family to this party in the woods. I took three deep breaths before I calmly spoke my next words.

"You understand this is a lot to process, right? Vampires. Revenge. Killing me. You're expecting too much from me. I don't even share Edward's feelings!" I informed Victoria.

"That's the best part. He will feel_** forever** _guilty that his love for you killed you and you never even wanted it." Victoria laughed at her sense of poetic justice. It was...truly diabolical. On the other hand, I was beginning to feel confident I was diverting her from thinking of involving Daniel or my parents. As long as it was just me she focused on in the end, I knew I could save them. The Cullen's or wolves would get to her long before she could involve the Stanley's.

"What happens next?" Victoria regarded me with a confused expression for the first time.

"What?" She asked too loudly.

"Well...I'm here. I am pretty sure I can't escape. So, what's next? Do you kill me and then show Edward my dead body? Are you killing me in front of him? What should I expect?" Victoria at me like the odd duck I knew I was. It was the engineer in me. I at least wanted to understand how I was going out since it seemed like it was the only option left for me at this point. Was that too much to ask?

"I will tear you apart alive in front of him. It will be an unimaginable physical pain for you. I'll enjoy hearing every bone crack in between your screams and watch the light go out in your eyes in front of him."

"Sure. Makes sense."_ I think she desired something on par to do to Bella in the books. _

Victoria was displeased with my lack of terror in my response to my imminent death. It was hard to be upset at her plan for revenge. _Edward did kill her mate_. Though James did want to kill Bella and wasn't going to ever stop until he did. I didn't want to give up hope, but I also did not have faith I would be able to run away anymore when recalling vampires were great trackers. I wouldn't stand a chance was my ultimate conclusion. I decided to accept my death, and hopefully not get my family involved. It was probably for the better after all. My existence being erased from this world would be best. Edward would get over me and resume the natural course of his relationship with Bella. The Stanley's could grieve the daughter that had been gone since August. And all would be right again in this Twilight World.

I pretended to fall asleep and was able to overhear Victoria and her subordinate discuss their plan. "This girl is f**king weird. But at least she was easy pray for you to snatch."

"Can I eat her now?!" A gruff voice exclaimed.

"You can handle the wait. It's been long enough since you been turned, so you should have an ounce of control to wait until morning. That's when I suspect they will finally arrive," Victoria replied with a confident edge to her words.

"Remember, when they are here you must release the pain tolerance you are exerting over her now. I want them to hear her screams as they get closer."

_So that's why I didn't feel the same pain that appeared when my arm initially broke._

I soon fell asleep recalling my life as Katie and Jessica, wondering if I would be rejoined with my family in the afterlife when my time here was over.

…

I woke up to thousands of hot needles piercing my arm. I screamed. I screamed like I was enduring an un-survivable pain. My eyelids shot open and I checked my arm. Still broken. No needles physically there. But the pain was very real!

"Yes, here they come. I hope you're ready for the show," Victoria announced.

"If it's just you two, isn't this a suicide mission?" I grunted my question between my screams.

"What?" She knew what I meant. There was _no way_ the two of them would survive the Cullen's and the wolves. _Did they know about the wolves teaming up with the vampires or was that a surprise in the books? Shit, I don't remember. _Essentially, she just wanted to make sure Edward knew her pain even if it cost her life in the process. An eye for an eye.

Victoria bashed me hard on the head with a fist for my insolence. It felt like someone dropped a sturdy rock on my head. Her other hand's grasp on my neck tightened on me when sparkling figures approached us in the distance. Her finger nails were starting to draw my blood. This pain was welcomed compared to the pain in my arm. It was a beautiful distraction before I would die. I attempted to quiet down the screams coming from my mouth. But my body justified it was the only way to make the pain tolerable. Which made no sense. _Can I just be killed yet and have this all be over?_

Before my wish could be granted, Victoria's hand released from my throat. Her arm disappeared in the mouth of a very large wolf. The sneak attack was superb. After their presence was known, the growling began. Victoria took stock of her surroundings and had to know she was the loser in the future battle. Her comrade was already shredded to bits and she was being flanked by vampires and wolves. She had no escape. Her plan failed because she didn't account for the surprise attack by the wolves.

I hadn't realized the adrenaline pumping through me since I woke up. I only became aware of its presence when I realized I was safe. Safe was a relative term as I was trying to not be blinded by the pain. I barely recognized I was now thrusted in the world of vampires and wolves. They now knew I knew. And I knew too much._ **It was all too much**._ I was ready to submit to the excruciating pain and pass out.

"Jessica!" Edward was suddenly by my side. His eyes. Even in my disoriented state, I noticed they were fighting back tears. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry." That was all he said over and over again as he picked me up and walked me to the rest of the Cullen Clan. My head was feeling more and more dizzy. I wondered if it was because Victoria hit me, or my mental state was just finally cracking. I counted Edward's tears before I passed out in his arms.

...

I woke up in a strange bedroom. The layout was..._very_ open space. Many books. Too many windows with no shades to pull over them. It was tidy and lacking color. I spotted a black piano in a far corner of the room.

_Ah. Yes, I am in Edward's room. _

My heart stuttered, and my mind began to experience this falling, spinning-down feeling.

_I __**have**__ been here before! _

Memories came flooding back to me. Everything bombarded my consciousness at a nauseating rate.

I lost my front teeth in kindergarten when my dad let go of the bike when he was teaching me to ride it without training wheels. Crying at the Forks Hospital when I was seven because Daniel was born, and I wanted to be an only child. I was on a swim team until middle school. Mike kissed me during a game of spin the bottle during a party freshman year and that's when my crush on him began. Hating Bella's popularity when she first came to Forks. Being excited when I invited myself over to the Cullen's to work on a class project with Alice. I snuck into Edward's bedroom when I was over for just a sneak peek.

_Holy shit! I. Am. Jessica Stanley. _

_Was I reincarnated as her? I was Katie Smith__**. I know it. **__That's __real__. But...I am also Jessica Stanley. I must have been reincarnated with a new chance at a family and not the terrible tragedies that befell me before __and I became a total brat.__ I am so embarrassed for myself. But this also means...I am me. __I am both__! I am not a fraud or an imposter! I do belong with my family here. I also clearly remember my family as Katie Smith. I remember everything of that life as clear as a bell. I cannot go back to the Jessica I was before. I will embrace being a new me in this second chance of life. I am Jessica Stanley, but I will not forget the Smith's. I will live this life to the fullest and never forget to love my family with all I have. And remember those who I have lost._

Edward walked in on me while I was crying during my self-realization. He hesitated to approach me. I was sure he was thinking the worst. "Carlisle sent me to check on you. He provided you pain medication before he set your arm and wrapped it. The break just needs a cast. No need for surgery or anything of that magnitude."

I continued to stare out the window of his bedroom, but I nodded so he knew I had listened. I was struggling to understand my relationship with Edward now. Everything was _so messy_. While I believed I _mostly_ viewed Edward only _as a friend_ before while in my Katie mindset, I couldn't deny the feelings I had towards him before the accident- as superficial as they were. Which was embarrassing to realize he knew my every fantasy of him up until getting beamed by Bella on the head. I couldn't even bare to look at him.

He approached me further. "Jessica...I have a lot to explain. And apologize for." Edward proceeded to go over everything I already knew. Vampires. His and Alice's powers. Their history. _Why_ I was involved. It seemed in line with what I knew from the books and what Victoria revealed to me. He didn't mention Jacob and the wolves. It wasn't his secret to tell though.

When he finished, I leaned into hug him. It was a forgiveness hug. I knew what he was telling me was very difficult for him. The hug lasted longer and was more intimate than I intended. Alice walked in on us before we broke away from one another. "_Whew._ I am glad I didn't have all those visions for nothing and both of you can finally be together." I quickly withdrew from Edward's embrace and turned my head to face Alice. Edward had an incredulous look on his face.

"What visions? What did you predict?"

I watched an "**_oh shit!_**" realization flash on Alice's face before she offered Edward an apologetic wince and quickly fled the room.

_What is going on? _

For the first time since I was in Edward's presence post remembering my previous life, I sensed my heart racing. I was all too aware I was still holding onto his arm and that we were in too close of proximity of one another. I scooted as far back as I could get on his bed, the headboard. His face was unreadable following my action. His eyes desperately searched my face for my take on the bomb Alice just dropped. I didn't know how to react because I didn't want to jump to conclusions of what she meant.

Edward began to get up off of the bed. I knew I had to speak my next words wisely. They would open a door I couldn't close, if that was what I wished. And I wished to understand.

"Can you please explain everything to me? I feel so lost. What is Alice talking about?" Edward returned to sit on the bed. He bit his bottom lip as he weighed his options.

"It would be better if I didn't. It's my burden to bear. It would just make you feel guilty or obligated," he softly whispered to me.

"Don't decide for me. I am a big girl and can make my own decisions based on what information you divulge to me." I didn't know what information I would be getting from Edward, but I deserved to know the truth. For too long, so many outside characteristics of his character plagued my mind and I could not dare to ever ask why. This seemed like my only chance. I had to know.

"Tell me from the beginning," I commanded. Edward's eyes looked as if they held hope as the gold rings around the iris brightened. He offered me his hand. I hesitated, but scooched closer and decided to place my hand in his own.

"Can I ask you one thing first before I begin?" He was nervous. I had all the right cards in my hand to play, while he seemed to be risking everything.

"Sure."

"Can you wait until the end before you form an opinion?" I offered Edward a delicate smile and nodded. He hadn't let go of my hand yet. He squeezed it tighter before he began his story. I provided an additional squeeze of encouragement.

"It all began on the day Bella hit you on the head with the bat. Up until that point, my future was clear. I was going to be with Bella, _preferably_ in her human form. Alice and I were not aware of what happened in PE Class at the time it occurred, but after some digging, I concluded Alice had her vision soon after you were knocked out."

Edward paused.

_He seems hesitant to share what Alice had a vision of. It could not have been that bad. Maybe my visit to Carlisle at the hospital_?

"I read Alice's mind immediately after her vision ended during Spanish class. It was…of you and me…getting married. And small burst of images of a future life together."

My heart stopped beating_._

"As you can understand, I freaked out. I thought it was a fluke, or she planted those images in her head as some sick joke towards me. I tried to dismiss it. Then after class in the hallway, Bella informed me of what happened during PE. Then we saw Mike pulling you towards the exit doors. For the first time since I had known you, your mind was blank to me. I had only experienced that before with Bella. I didn't tell Bella immediately about not being able to read your mind, and I made Alice swear to **NEVER** tell Bella about her vision. Only her, Jasper and myself knew.

From that point on, Alice was some sort of satellite antenna tuned to your frequency. She kept having images of the future that were focused on you most of the time. She would have preferred sharing none of her visions (_Team Bella_), but she had no option in that I could read her mind. When she saw you running aimlessly on the roads of Forks, I just reacted on instinct. I made up an excuse and dropped Bella off at home and dumped Alice and Jasper on the side of the road.

At first, I was extremely angry when I found you. You were messing with my future. But when you first spoke up to me, your attitude towards me…it was so different then how you acted before. Given the condition I found you in, it looked as if I found myself feeling bad for you and wanted to help you; that's why I offered to drive you home. When I dropped you off, you were surprisingly kind about Bella hurting you in PE. You told me to tell Bella not to worry. I would have initially pegged you to really milk the accident and try to make Bella look bad to me. You did not though.

I tried my best to ignore you after that, but Bella forced me to at least offer to tutor you. I then affirmed how much you really had changed. It was the first conversation I had with you that I realized you were fun to talk to. Maybe it helped that I couldn't hear your internal chatter anymore as well? Alice still had yet to envision the future again when I was with Bella.

Alice did an inexcusably poor job warning you about the flooding in the woods. She insisted she did what she could without revealing her ability. We both knew she was lying. I forced her to come with me to rescue you. Since Jasper was already in the loop of what was going on, he came along to be a buffer between Alice and myself. I tried saving you with that branch and you did not take it…" Edward swallowed, possibly preparing himself for his next words.

"I was tormented over the thought I would never understand why Alice had those ridiculous visions in the first place. On impulse, I dove into the water to save you despite the risk of you asking how I could survive the fast current. I had to save you. You never asked me to explain myself though.

When we were walking back, you quoted the moon sonnet from Romeo & Juliet. It sounded like I was playing into the future's hand and cheating on Bella. I was happy to have rescued you, but understood I needed to stop letting Alice's visions define my future and choices. I told myself I was going to forget about Alice's visions once I dropped you off in your bedroom," he whispered quietly.

"I couldn't lie to Bella anymore, and I at least revealed how Alice had a vision of you drowning, and that we decided to save you. Bella believed there was nothing more to it. Like Alice, she was nervous you may have grown suspicious of my being able to save you. She went of her own accord to question you to make sure my true identity was safe. Alice also decided to understand why you didn't take the tree branch. She felt guilty after what happened and wondered if you were trying to kill yourself despite her visions. I was relieved to know that was not the case.

Then I avoided you because I promised myself I would remain committed to Bella in my heart. You sure made that easy." I was unnerved by Edward's dark chuckle. "But that promise I made myself was as futile as carrying water with a knife. I never approached you. I did think about you constantly though. Perhaps you knew this too? There were times when I deliberately caught you avoiding my gaze in the school hallways. During those school days, I asked myself why were you so thrilled in avoiding me? What internal chatter was wracking inside your brain that day? When had your misplaced infatuation with me disappeared? I wanted to know what changed. Each passing day as those thoughts persisted while Bella was oblivious, I was tortured by the appalling manor of my behavior.

On her birthday...an accident occurred. Jasper faltered in his composure around her when she cut her finger at her house. _He_...tried to bite her." The shame exuding in his voice tugged at my heart. "After that event unfolded, I selfishly saw it as the perfect opportunity to break things off with Bella. I needed time alone to sort out my feelings. I was careless and selfish with how I did it in hindsight. Only Jasper and Alice knew the real reason why I wanted to leave Forks. It was easier on Jasper to understand it wasn't his actions forcing me to part from Bella."

I had to interrupt Edward at this crucial part. "How did you break up with her?" The accusing nature of my tone was evident but necessary.

"_Huh?_" Edward was obviously confused. Both of his eyebrows arched up before he tilted his head and assessed my face.

"Did you abandon her in the woods?" I asked levelly. Bella never told me what happened, but I needed to hear it from Edward.

"Did she tell you I did that? No, I broke up with her in front of her house after I dropped her off from school. Then I went to your house to tell you I was leaving." I bowed my head in shame in that moment for expecting the worst from him. And all the nasty things I called him inwardly in response after their break-up. I squeezed his hand to usher him to continue his tale.

"When I stopped by your house before I left Forks, I didn't understand what compulsion was driving my actions. I despised myself that your thoughts now hidden from me were what drew my interest in you as it had with Bella. _But I knew your thoughts from before!_ They were often unkind towards Bella and in general petty."

_Ow, that stings. But that doesn't mean he is incorrect..._

My grip loosened on his hand, but he wouldn't let my hand go.

"I am sorry. That was harsh, but the truth. You know as well you have changed." Edward smoothed his thumb along my finger and I swallowed my pride to allow him to continue with no interruptions. "Guilt appeared with my impulsive decision for my actions just before you answered the door and assaulted me with nerf pellets."

I chuckled remembering the hilarity of that situation. It also lightened the mood for a brief moment. I was thankful for that.

"When you asked me to stay, I couldn't deny how happy I was despite myself. It was a fleeting moment of joy though. Ruined when you amended that it was because of Bella. I was roped back into the reality that I was growing falser in my affection to Bella and misplacing it towards someone who was now indifferent to my presence. I was repulsed with myself. I didn't want any of that. I couldn't even explain to myself why I was drawn to you aside from Alice's visions and not being able to listen to your thoughts anymore. I wanted my feelings to go back to how they were before with my world revolving around Bella.

In the time I spent away, I kept my distance from most of my family. It wasn't until January that Alice made an effort to contact me first for once. She called me after she had a vision of you in Helena at a cemetery. I wavered on what action to take next. I told myself to let you go, but I was more tempted to understand what was going on and why you were there. The fact that Alice went out of her way to call me to inform me about her vision confirmed that she had her own concern about your well being. Otherwise, she would have never gone through that effort. She was still rooting for Bella at that point, despite her visions. She constantly reminded me since her first vision that visions can change, and the future is never set in stone. However, her seeing a future involving you and I didn't seem to fade. It was as if fate struck a match and wanted to watch my whole world burn. I was going to be tortured to develop feelings for someone I couldn't have and condemned to feel guilty over the promises I made to Bella. I deserved it though, as I don't have a soul anymore that is worth saving.

When I arrived at the cemetery and reviewed your face as you called my name, I still cannot shake the image from my mind. Your lower lip was trembling, tears trailed your cheeks, and I didn't know how to help you. For the first time since I have met you, you looked fragile, weak. Your display of sorrow was crushing me. A protective instinct came over me as I found myself wrapping my arms around you without thinking if you would mind. When you didn't push me away, I was relieved I could offer you some small measure of comfort in that moment. I still hope one day you can explain to me why you were there and so broken." I fought back the tears pooling in my eyes and cleared my throat. It was starting to tighten. I nodded at him to continue and to make a questionable promise that I would reveal my secret one day.

"I was surprised you allowed me to escort you back to your hotel room. It alluded to how at ease I was that you welcomed my presence in your condition at that time. When you finally laid down for a nap, I did my best not to count by every second before you woke up. I almost talked myself into leaving, but I was tempted to stay. Thanks to Alice's vision, I had made arrangements to return to Forks prior to seeing you. I finally decided I was going to commit to returning home after I got my closure with you. I was hoping to find that at dinner.

Our conversation was light and easy. It was a perfect way to leave you behind in my heart. I affirmed for myself you had no feelings towards me, and I could make it work with Bella. Then... you asked me why I cared about you. It caught me off guard. I was presumptuous to expect you hadn't noticed my own change in attitude towards you as well. I was never going to tell you the full truth, but I was hoping I could get some information from you as well if I divulged enough. If you remember, I wanted to know why **_you_** changed. I was unexpectedly more anxious about knowing that than figuring out why I couldn't read your mind anymore. Not knowing the motivation behind the change was infuriating beyond all measures. I knew all your pathetic and jealous tendencies before your change, yet I still had this unexplainable interest in you anyways.

While Alice's visions didn't make me love you, they made me notice you. _The new you_. This odd, considerate, thoughtful and witty girl intrigued me. She was different. I wanted to know how these ridiculous visions of me being with Jessica Stanley were even remotely possible. I was beguiled. When this conversation presented an opportunity where I could finally know why, I was over eager to understand it all. To unravel this mystery that haunted me since August. You denied me the answer though." A hint of a smile crept on Edward's face. I didn't understand why though.

"You did _finally_ admit you thought of me as a friend in that conversation, and I told myself that was enough. I can be friends with Jessica and lovers with Bella. You mentioned you, myself, Bella and Jacob all hanging out when I returned. Admittingly, I was jealous you became friends with Jacob in my absence." I snorted at this. Edward's eyes widened, but he soon chuckled too. I am sure once again in hindsight he realized he had nothing to be worried about. Jacob was _all_ about Bella.

"When you admitted your excuse to Bella for being in Helena, I was worried it was true. Even though I told myself it didn't matter. To my relief, it was not. I insisted to myself we were just friends._ That was it_. I was apprehensive of how close you had grown with Bella while I was gone. I wasn't sure what complications would arise if my feelings for you were not completely snuffed out before Bella saw my face in your presence." Edward remotely paused to gauge my face. I wasn't sure what he was reading from it, but it didn't take him long before he continued.

"Reuniting with Bella when I returned was the right thing to do. Or so I told myself _over and over_. The first week at school, I did my best to ignore you despite telling you I wanted to grow our friendship. I hesitated on testing myself too soon without being sure I could be only friends around you. My resolve for my path forward was clearly decimated by Jacob. I didn't mind he still had feelings for Bella; I was upset when I could tell how much stronger they were than my own. It gradually crept in my head, what if he could make Bella happier. I wanted to give him a chance, so I didn't object to Bella spending time with her friend. I found myself in her absence looking for you. Just as friends though, is what I lied to myself constantly.

When I drove you in my car that first Friday of the semester, I was in heaven. Even during the extended period of time we spent not talking and listening to music, I longed for it to never end. I was overjoyed when you struck up the conversation first, despite it centering around Bella. When we broached the subject of my change in schedule, a small spark of hope flickered in my heart. You quickly stomped it when you mentioned 'beauty fades'. It was but another reminder you were in the dark of what I really was, and I couldn't dare to hope I would find another human in this life who would be willing to be with a vampire.

Every opportunity presented to me when Bella went off with Jacob, I sought you out. Each moment I treasured and tried not to let it be tainted that when I was with Bella, Jacob would sneak into your bedroom window. Only for advice, _I know_. It still drove me insanely jealous he got to be so close to you with no reservation. I slowly came to terms with how much he cared for you as a friend, and I could trust him on par as I trusted him with Bella to not hurt you.

Since I returned, I began to pick up the pieces of understanding the roles you played in Bella's life in my absence. Each piece of the puzzle was locking a place in my heart of why Alice had those visions of a future involving you and I. _You_…are an incredible person." Exposed, a rush of embarrassment coursed over me. I parted my lips to speak on it and refuse his praise, but he continued before I could.

"I once viewed Bella as this selfless human. It is what began my interest in her in the first place. Maybe I have always been harsher on nearly everyone because I can read their minds. So, I only knew what Bella divulged to me and what I observed. Then we became so wrapped up in each other we never saw anyone else. You however, you don't leave anyone behind. You aren't afraid to care about others and encourage them to be more than they think. In our relationship, Bella was a meteor that lit up the sky of the endless night I was living in. You, Jessica...you became my sun. To tell you the truth, I already knew you were loved and admired by those around you before I left. They saw parts of you I always denied because I was narrow minded. I would read from others when they saw you as smart, earnest and a hard worker. I just wanted to focus on the negative pieces I picked apart from your brain in the past. Selective mind reading so to speak. What I can see now that they cannot, is that was an image you worked hard to maintain. In reality, you do a lot of goofy things when no one is looking. As I watched you-"

"You know that sounds creepy, _right?_" A carefree giggle tickled my throat, but I meant every word of what I said.

"_I know._ I got the vibe early on that you were far too independent to want me in the same way Bella wanted me." I smirked to confirm he was right.

"As I was saying," Edward chuckled. "As I observed you- better?" I nodded. "As I observed you outside of spending time with you, I knew I was doomed. I had fallen out of love with Bella and was coming to love you." Edward started to loosen his grip on my hand.

"I realized I was living in a fantasy world of pretending that loving you from afar was enough. When Alice predicted you walking on the side of the road in the dark, I had never been so afraid. I was astonished over the stark contrast level of fear I developed easily surmounted what I displayed when James kidnapped Bella. The level of it when you were walking on a dark road into a territory known to be a potential hunting ground for Victoria, I lost my mind. I was able to call Jacob and let him know. We had already been teaming up for the future battle, so it wasn't a hard ask to request from him that he help me find you given the danger you were in.

You were so cold and angry when I found you; I was frightened about what had happened. What had changed. When you mentioned it was because of Jacob and I dragging you along when we really wanted to be with Bella, I selfishly dared to hope you may have developed some feelings for me as well. I was rash in my decision to break up with Bella. She knew it was coming. Everything had been different since I cam back. Although I cannot read her mind, I could read Jacob's reflection on the many conversations she had with him about wondering why things were so different with us now.

I was selfish. I wanted to finally confess to you and do it while not being with her anymore. I broke up with her after I dropped you off. I told her Jacob would make her happier. I expected her to put up more of a fight, but she accepted it.

When we talked in your kitchen the next morning, I realized my foolishness too late. I was not someone worthy of your love, and I couldn't even tell you I was a vampire. Although it hurt, I was glad you rejected me. I deserved it, and you deserved a normal life.

Then we all slipped up. No one was watching you on your run. It was a little unexpected and there was a lapse in the wolves' perimeter schedule around your house. Alice had a vision too late. She saw as Victoria slammed her fist in your head and drew your blood with her nails." Edward's body began to quiver as his voice dipped low.

"That battle was too easy because we were able to catch her off guard with the wolves. _However_, the damage had already been done. You had been hurt and thrust into the world of vampires. The tears I cried over you were the first I cried since my mother died." I tightened my grip on Edward's hand as it looked like he was about to pull it away. The pause was long after his last sentence. I assumed his story was over and my thoughts were finally ringing coherently in my head.

I was astounded. I believed I knew everything. I was arrogant. I condemned Edward for things he never did in _this_ Twilight-verse. The guilt was overwhelming.

"Jessica?" Edward was concerned by my lack of response to the bombshell he just dropped on me. It was a lot to take in.

"This is a lot for me to take in." I finally was able to form words from my mouth.

"I know. And I don't expect anything from you. Like I said before I began, this is my burden to bear." Edward let go of his grasp on my hand.

"Burden?" I parroted back, unsure of what he meant.

"I chose my path. I tried to fight it. But it ultimately led me to you. I can't give you the life you want. I am forever as I am. To get to know you and come to love you as I have, it will be enough," Edward informed me despondently.

"Oh Edward, always _so dramatic_. You can find love again," I scoffed at him. He was displeased with my comment. "Forever is a long time and things change over time. I got that sage level of advice from 'The Fox and the Hound'." Edward rolled his eyes at my attempt to lighten the mood.

"How does it happen?" I asked him curiously.

"What happen?"

"How do we end up together?"

"Alice doesn't get shown a full timeline of events. Just the end goal. _So_, I don't know."

"_Hmmmmmm._ Was I human or a vampire in her vision when we got married?"

Edward's mouth twitched. His eyes softened like he was dropping his guard. "Does it matter for you to know if we don't end up together?"

"Forever is a long time and things change over time," I repeated to him while my lips curled up into soft smile. His eyes lit up. His facial features relaxed. He dared to even begin to wear a smile finally in our conversation.

"I don't know what the future holds for me right now. I am still young. But...I don't think I would reject you as a potential suitor. You have shown some promise." Edward's smile grew wider. "**But!** You can't hold me to Alice's Vision of the future. We make our own future. Maybe you'll find me rather annoying. Maybe I'll find you too clingy. A lot of things could go wrong."

_I know this is wrong. I am different then Bella... I don't want the same things as her. But some part of me wants to give this a chance. What are these feelings I am having?_

"A lot of things could go right," Edward insisted as he scooted closer to me again on his bed. "You don't mind you would be...dating a monster?"

"Geez Edward. I could call you a lot of things, but a monster isn't one of them. Ease up on yourself. I will give you a hard-enough time as we date as you will soon see." He chuckled.

"On a serious note, what about Bella?" It was a serious topic that needed to be addressed.

"I feel bad now about what I put her through, but I had to at least try before I gave up. I think she will be okay. Jacob is working his way into her heart more than he thought. He will be good for her. They will be happy together. It will take some time, but it can happen."

I _think he is right. Without Edward, Jacob always stood a good chance of making Bella happy. I should feel like the monster that I caused the rift between Edward and Bella to occur. But don't I deserve to be happy too and not be controlled by a story line?_

"Maybe though…we can take this slow. I am not sure if it would be right to rub this in Bella's face while there is still half of the semester to go through. We should give Jacob more time to woo her before we go public."

"What are you suggesting exactly?"

"We stall on dating until graduation." Edward raised his eyebrows. I couldn't gauge if it was a positive or negative response to what I just said.

"I can be patient, for you." Edward brought his hand up to my cheek. I didn't back away this time from his cool touch. He peered into my eyes seeking permission to lean in to kiss me. I decided to jump the gun. The kiss was...incredible. Smooth. Soft. Loving. Everything it was supposed to be leading up to this moment. When our lip's movement together slowed down, Edward slowly peeled away from me to stare into my face. "Is this all real?"

"Corny, much?" I giggled at him.

"Ouch." Edward pulled his left hand over his heart to mock I had just inflicted some external wound on him.

"Before, when I mentioned that image you work so hard to maintain? What I can tell you now is that you don't have to work hard to impress me. I already know you're amazing. That's why in front of me, you can let your guard down. Be silly. Be sad. You don't have to put up a strong front all of the time. I wouldn't even be bothered if you returned to being so chatty. I will cherish all parts of you."

My mouth gaped open as I was at a loss for words. I didn't feel a need to cry, but my heart felt open or maybe possibly understood.

Edward leaned in and pressed his soft, cold lips to my forehead. "I love you."

"I know." I winked at him after my Han Solo one liner, definitely ruining the mood after his heart stopping confession. He playfully frowned at me. "I...like you. I can admit that now. Maybe one day it will be love," I admitted honestly. I meant every word of it. With him dropping lines like that, I would be putty in his hands before he knew it.

"I can work with like." Edward's smile twinkled with his eyes before he pulled me into a loving embrace. I didn't know what the future held, but I knew it wouldn't be lacking love.

…

The rest of the semester passed on without a hitch. Bella hadn't suspected Edward's and I's involvement because we were true to our word and kept things friendly only. But today was graduation day. Everything would be different going forward. Bella may cast me out from being her friend. Jacob could very well do the same. I made sure to evaluate if it was what I wanted, and it was.

"Jessie!" I woke up to Daniel screeching my name on graduation day morning.

I slowly rubbed the sand out of my eyes before I responded to him. "Lower the decibels, Daniel." I pleaded with him as I began to mosey on out of my bed.

"Some boooooy is here to pick you up!" Daniel teased me as a 10-year old should. He was still in the girls have cooties phase. _Edward is here to pick me up already. What time is it?_ I glanced at the alarm clock on my night stand. It was blinking 3:15 AM. _Power outage maybe?_

"Daniel, what time is it?"

"9:18 AM." _Shit! I overslept!_ I buzzed through my room gathering my pre-planned outfit and graduation gown. "Daniel, out please. I need to get dressed." Daniel stuck out his tongue towards me before abiding by my request.

I made it to the kitchen in good time despite showering and getting ready. When I walked in, Edward was conversing with my mom and dad. They annoyingly started liking him too quickly. I still wavered if I was doing the right thing or not by choosing this path, but I wanted to do what made me happy. And giving him a chance made me happy.

Last night Edward finally told Bella what we had been keeping a secret since March. I think there was a buffer to the blow since she was starting to date Jacob, but it was too early to say.

I locked eyes with Edward and blushed at the heartbreaker smile he notoriously bestowed upon me. We had kept things light for the last two and a half months. Minimized conversations and interactions outside of school. It all led up to this moment.

"Are you ready, class valedictorian?" The playful side in his voice made my stomach do a few flips.

"I was born ready." I flashed him a grin before I went over to my parents to hug them both. They held back the waterworks as they repeatedly mentioned how proud of me they were. I kissed them both on the cheeks and told them, "Wait until you see me graduate from college!" They both were in an uproar over my boastfulness. When their laughs died down, Daniel finally approached me as he came down the stairs.

"Jessie." He shyly shuffled his feet towards me. When he was within reach, I ruffled his floppy hair.

"Is my number one fan coming to cheer me on today too?!" I asked him as I picked him up. Daniel playfully protested to be set down. Before I did, he planted a kiss on my cheeks. It was so fast, I barely registered it happened.

"I'll be cheering the loudest!" He enthusiastically informed me.

"I would expect nothing less." I beamed at my family. Edward offered me his hand before we walked out of the kitchen and then the house. He led me to the passenger side door of his Volvo. He proceeded to take the handle and then let go and walked to his side of the car.

"Sorry, old habits are hard to break when you date an independent woman." Edward chuckled at me.

Inside his car, we both stopped and finally took in each other. It was our first time truly alone in one another's presence after so long. I considered his face and didn't see just a vampire blessed with beauty, but a good heart. His golden eyes reflected sincerity when he gazed upon me. I knew he actually saw me and valued me. The love Edward offered me was not some bullshit in a story book _but real_. It had been a long road to get here, but my time here wasn't about the Twilight Saga. It was about _**MY**_ journey. Becoming the Jessica Stanley I was meant to be and learning from my mistakes in my past life. I would work to keep the good Katie Smith qualities that I lacked before as Jessica, but not allow myself to become blind with ambition that I turned away from a genuine love offered to me.

Edward leaned in to kiss me and I looked forward to my future.

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_4/24/20 - Updated text/language in this chapter. Felt like it needed to be cleaned up. That's all. No drastic changes made though. Just a better Edward POV wording based on reading Midnight Sun._

Scroll to the end of this chapter for Sequel Preview

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**Authors Note:**

_Dear readers,_

_I hope even though some of you were sad the story was ending, you can enjoy you have a lot to read with this ending(s) ;) I struggled knowing how much further I could take it with keeping readers in the dark about the underlying reveal of each ending. I personally didn't feel like revealing this major plot point fitted well until the end. Also, I feared if I stretched the story on too long, I would never finish it. __I am terrible at finishing things__. Which I never want to do with this account on Fanfic. And while the inspiration was here, I desired to end it all on a high note :)_

_After chapter three, the only thing I had planned was my intended ending being three different options. Originally four- I had a Mike ending but decided to scrap it.__Each chapter was written completely on whim. I always reread chapters and edited minor things from my first post along the way. This kept the plot fresh in my mind so I could make connections to things I wrote earlier on. A lot of it wasn't planned, but I just happened to make something up that made the stars align to a previous plot point. It was pretty cool to me. I always enjoy stories the come full circle to a certain degree. I did keep in mind that I needed to leave bread crumbs and divvy up time spent with characters to make three plausible endings. Hopefully I did enough to make each ending believable._

_This story was made possible by reviewers on my first chapter.__ My first two stories I posted on Fanfic had a purpose, so it didn't bother me they didn't get a lot of attention or reviews. I was doing them for myself. The premise of this story was inspired by a manga I was reading about this high school girl who was hit and killed and reincarnated as a villain in an romance game she had played a lot where you chose your path of which love interest you wanted to end up with. Her only objective was to avoid the bad ending where her character was killed. The other option was banishment. So, she worked hard to be on good terms with the romance characters/future friends of the protagonist to avoid the bad ending of her death. What she was oblivious to on her journey was how all the characters eventually were drawn to her character and she had become the protagonist despite always thinking she was the villain still. The manga isn't done yet, but I am 100% certain it will end with her being friends with everyone and not choosing a love interest. I thought that is cool, but also the romantic in me still would want to see what it would look like if she took a romantic path. She had a lot of good options too lol Hence why my ending had different versions. I also had recently watched Twilight on TV and I got this idea of what if a girl was reincarnated at Jessica. I wrote the chapter in 5 hours and posted it on a whim on FanFic. I told myself if no one reviews it or it gets blasted for sucking, well it wasn't something I was super passionate about. Just an idea. I was thrilled with the feedback I got. Then I grew courage to figure out "Okay, what happens next?" And that's how each chapter went. And I began to become passionate about this story. Thank you to all my reviewers who encouraged my writing and appreciated it. __It's not the most elegant or descriptive, but I feel it captures raw emotion and relationship growth.__ I always giggled when I read reviewers who speculated who Jessica would end up with. I hope the ending you wanted Team Jacob/Team No one/Team Edward was satisfying and realistic. Much love to all my readers, followers, and those who have favorited this little humble story. I hope you enjoyed the journey as well. Until next time!_

_P.s. ALL the reviews,__** ESPECIALLY **__the in-depth reviews on this story as a whole and about my writing__** (you guys made me want to post this before I had the third ending done [:O])**__ on the last chapter touched me a lot. I hope everyone reading this were satisfied AT LEAST with one of the three endings…if none, well I at least enjoyed them. LOL_

_-Lalaland972_

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_Lalaland972's Response to Reviews listed alphabetically:_

**brankel1:** Love it! Thank you :D

**Curlystruggle:** I hope you enjoyed endings 1 and 2! Thank you for the reviews Glad you didn't have to fight her parents after ch 10, whew! lol

**DxGrayxMan:** I WONDER IF YOU WERE SURPISED WITH THESE ENDINGS?! You always had great theories/guesses!

**dkgp: **I totally agree with you and glad you feel the same way :D I hope if either of these endings were not what you were looking for, you will enjoy ending 3! Thank you for favoriting this story and me as an author

**Fullmetalkitsuna:** More story is here! One more ending to go though! :D

**Guest1: **2 week at least for 2/3 endings is good, right?! :D

**Guest2: **I wonder what you think with the romantic endings of 1 and 2? You definitely won't see focus on that in ending 3 in case you didn't care for it. THANK YOU FOR THE SALUTE ^_^

**Hmz0975: **While endings 1 & 2 didn't cover Bella too much, I think you will be pleased with more insight in ending 3. As always, thank you for your reviews

**Imlovinfanfic:** I hope some of your questions/speculations were answered in ending 1, more insite/focus on Bella in ending 3 ;)

**KimHdz:** Wow. Thank you for deciding to leave that **beautiful review**. I am glad you noticed and enjoyed all those moments along this storyline. I hope if you weren't keen on a romantic ending you will enjoy the last ending which I am taking the most care to write.

You Reviews: Great

Author's Feels when reading your reviews: Great

KimHdz as a fan: Great

**Lelleg**: I am glad you have enjoyed my story! I hope you enjoyed the two endings so far and the third one to come!

**Maroaxyd02**: YOU ARE SO RIGHT! Love Japanese manga with reincarnation story lines right now Bahahaha Ending three will be more focused on friends/family and not romance like endings 1 and 2 FYI

**Mayfire21**: I am sad too One more ending to post though! I am glad you have enjoyed it all the way through. I hope that has continued with these endings!

**Pendora59**: I am glad you like the OC :D I hope you enjoyed the endings posted so far!

**Ri P Raven:** I am glad you've enjoyed the journey! I wonder if any of your speculation matched to endings 1 or 2?! If not, you can always continue to speculate about ending 3! :D

**Treasure89:** Your insights to my story **never** cease to surprise me. Your reviews gave me hope that other readers caught on to the same things. Thank you for your help and being my BETA. Can't wait to finish the last ending with your help, YOU ROCK! :D

**Whatkoolser:** Haha love that you lived for the angst in the last chapter LOL I hope you liked one of the endings. If neither…hopefully ending three does it for you :O

**Wolcen:** Your comment on chapter 11 was good. I think you will have more insight to this in the third ending. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed reading endings 1 and 2

**Wpear:** All good things must come to an end I would have loved too if I knew how to expand the storyline more without being a tease for so long. Also, I really feared sooner rather than later I would lose my gusto for writing this and never finish!

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**"Jessica's Happily Ever ****After?" **

**Chapter 1**

**[Edward's Ending cont'd]**

**"Five Years"**

A beautiful summer was coming to an end, but it was ending on a sour note before I left to my freshman year of college.

The bitterness was due to the conversation I had been avoiding having with Edward.

In the Cullen's house, I followed Edward's lead past his family in their living room. I discreetly shook my head to Alice as I witnessed her opening her mouth to call to us. She must have seen what was coming. The only question was, had Edward? It was annoying being limited in my secrets from him. My only real secret was my previous life that no one was aware of.

I marched up the steps in silence behind him. A thick cloud of uncertainty hovered over us. It had been growing all summer. At least, I knew I was aware of its presence.

Edward gravely walked to his bed and waited for me to sit next to him.

"What do you know?" I asked solemnly as I nervously fidgeted my hands in my lap as I sat near him.

"Five years?" The heart break was evident in his voice. I couldn't bear to look at his face as I had been preparing for this conversation. I willed myself to channel my logical side and to not let my emotions dictate and lead me astray from my final decision already made.


	13. Chapter 12-2

_Hello readers! Welcome to the Twilight Zone! You are about to embark on the adventure of reading one of three different endings for Katie/Jessica's Journey in "But why am I Jessica?". Right now, you have selected the:_

12.1 Edward ending

**12.2 Jacob ending**

12.3 Friendship ending

_I have added the same author's note at the end to explain the inspiration for the story and to say my thanks/acknowledgments/respond to ch 11 reviews. Please read and enjoy! _

Credit to: **Treasure89 **for _Beta review_ and making this chapter be a hit in my own opinion!

* * *

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 12.2**

**Alternate Ending 2 – Jacob Black**

"Please." The desperation in his voice wouldn't change my mind but I decided to listen. Before I could respond to Edward, a loud roaring engine caught our attention.

"Geez, did you guys plan this ambush?" I dared to ask in a low and threatening tone. I was really pissed off.

"No." Edward's face strained to hold its composure. I then gathered what he said was true. Jacob's appearance was a surprise to him as well. We held off continuing our conversation until Jacob was in our presence. I was ready to tell them both off at the same time and dismiss them from my life forever going forward. _Exactly like killing two birds with one stone._

"I-" I began.

"We all have to talk somewhere else." Jacob cut me off as soon as he burst through the kitchen doorway. _Lock the door, people!_

"No. Here. Because I am telling you both RIGHT NOW that I am done with you both. **Leave me alone**. Stop pestering me. Don't talk to me. Don't think of me. Jessica is withdrawing from this story's plot line." Edward and Jacob looked at each other to both nod and agree silently on something. I wasn't sure if they were confused about the last bit I mentioned, or if they were having a secret discussion by Edward reading Jacobs mind. _How f**king annoying not to know. _

"Jessica, it's for you and your family's safety." This admission from Jacob was alarming. If they were willing to inform me of even this much information, something was _very_ wrong. I was in more danger than I anticipated. _I don't want to be involved in all of this! How do I make it go away?!_

They both waited for my reaction. My questions to understand. Instead I just stood there dumbfounded in how I ended up in this predicament. Jacob was right. This was not an appropriate place to discuss this around the Stanley's. I shuddered to think that my mere presence was putting their lives in danger.

Their eyes were still on me. Watching me carefully. They were confused with my current response. Understandably so. I walked out the front door of the house and they both followed me. I waited until we were at the end of the drive way to play my "innocence card".

"What the hell are you guys talking about? My family is fine. I am fine."

"No, Jacob!" Edward threatened Jacob.

"She has a right to know what danger she is in." Jacob dismissed Edward's reaction.

This conversation was not planned and should not have been taking place in front of me. I agreed with Edward. I wanted to still be oblivious in their eyes. But a part of me also understood by knowing what danger I was in I could potentially help keep the Stanley family safe. I knew which route I had to choose.

"Tell me." I locked onto Jacob's dark brown eyes. I was silently communicating to him to tell me what I needed to know, but nothing that reveals his wolf secret. If that was even possible. Probably not though.

Jacob grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bike. "I need to show you something first." Jacob frowned at Edward as he proceeded to provide me a bike helmet. I didn't want to get on. I felt like I knew what future I was being forced into by going along with his request. The obligation to keep the Stanley's safe compelled me to strap on the bike helmet and take my place on the back of the motorcycle.

I looked to Edward. He was masking his hurt and anger towards Jacob's actions. The only reason he was refusing to stop us...was on some level he agreed with Jacob's choice to reveal some secrets to me. Edward changed his mind too late after he called "wait!" after Jacob began to back up his motorcycle out of the driveway. Jacob shook his head at Edward and gassed it down the road that would take us to the Reservation.

My heart pounded in my ears the entire ride. This second time on the bike was not as exhilarating as the first time. I was too nervous to find out how they hell I got roped into this mess and to what level I had to be exposed to everything supernatural.

Jacob pulled up to park at a house; I assumed it was his house. I had never been there before though. Jacob gently grabbed my hand when I stepped off the bike and led me to the front door. When we walked through the threshold, my eyes beheld the rest of his pack. I didn't know who was who. Dark skin, shirtless male bodies were hovered around a kitchen table. A woman was present as well, top on. Everyone stopped and silently assessed my presence. I felt extremely unwelcome.

"Not another one, Jacob," an authoritative voice commanded from the furthest corner of the kitchen. The face belonging to the commenter was downcast in disappointment. The maturity of the face and commanding nature made me believe it was their alpha, Sam Uley.

"We can't leave her in the dark when she is being threatened as well," Jacob protested in frustration. His grip on my hand tightened. It was really starting to hurt. I tried to slide my hand back to my own possession from his grip, but he wouldn't concede. He did loosen his grip though like he understood.

"Jacob," I began cautiously. "How about you talk with me first outside and then we can come back inside? I don't even have a small fraction of information to understand what is going on, why you think I am in danger and why of all places you brought me here." I wasn't really sure what I was planning with wanting to talk to him outside, but I knew catching his pack off guard wasn't in his favor. _Maybe I can convince him to keep me in the dark of his world and give me the insight needed to keep the Stanley's safe and alive. That would be an ideal plan. _

"No. There is no time for this. I will tell her." Jacob said confidently with locked eyes on Sam. The rest of the pack gawked between them both. The tension was so thick between them that a well sharpened blade couldn't even make a dent in it. To say the least, I felt extremely uncomfortable.

"You can't," Sam ordered to Jacob.

"If it comes to saving her life, I'll do what it takes." Jacob strengthened his grip on my hand and led me out of the house. I was mortified at his behavior and the fact I just stood next to him and was being dragged around like a rag doll.

"Jacob, cut it out!" Jacob turned back to look at me with shock as I shook my hand free from his grip. Before he could ask what I meant, I let him have it. "Don't treat me like some pathetic woman who can't take care of herself. Or drag me around like a **damn** rag doll. Treat me with respect and like I have a brain. What is going on? Tell me or I am going home on foot." I was bluffing about walking home, of course. But I needed to stick it to him because he wasn't thinking straight.

He took a full minute to compose himself. I watched rage, disappointment and finally calm shift on his face. When he was settled into a better state of mind, he finally spoke.

"Don't." My heart softened at Jacob's request and I felt guilty for most of the words I just said. He stepped closer to me, closing the gap of green grass that separated us. Before I could register what was going on, he wrapped his arms around me tightly. After the shock wore off, I acknowledged his embrace was actually warm and comforting. It felt… right. But I was growing desperately scared at what was warranting it.

"I am sorry. I just- I am worried. To an extent that it is driving me crazy. I won't let anything happen to you or your family. But it's harder to protect you when you have **NO** idea what is going on." It was my turn to calm down. I was trying to not let myself get worked up in fear about the looming danger that I was more aware of then Jacob knew.

"I don't understand what is going on but-" I withdrew my hand from my side and brought it to his warm cheek and looked steadily into his eyes before I spoke my next words, "protect my family first, then me. I trust you. If you can't tell me more, I still trust you. Tell me what I need to do to help."

Jacob took my hand from his cheek and smoothed his thumb softly over the top of it. For a second, I thought he was about to draw it to his mouth to plant a kiss on it. _Woah! What the f**k. Where did this thought come from?_ My brain was obviously glitching and I immediately shut down the remote possibility of the idea I was slightly disappointed he did not.

"I will not fail you or your family. That's why I have to do this. Please turn around." I complied and began to hear a rustling sound behind me. I didn't let myself turn around even after I heard howling_. Leave it to Jacob to find a work around if Sam told him he could not phase in front of me or other humans._ Before I knew it, Jacob was in front of me in his wolf form. I soon realized the sacrifice he made. _He split from his pack to protect me. _

I was supposed to act shocked like I didn't know, but I let "Hi Jacob" slip from my lips. Jacob cautiously approached me, and I wondered if he was surprised I knew right away. The rest of the pack rushed out from the house. Jacob shielded me from them as he let out a low growl.

Sam pushed to the front of the group. "Jacob! Was this really necessary? You are putting us all at risk by including more outsiders!" Sam was shaking with rage. The other boys surrounding him were beginning to back up. I knew just as much as they did about what was about to happen. Sam's phasing was the first one I had witnessed in person. There was a dangerous beauty to it, and it happened in a flash. If you blinked, you would miss it.

Sam snarled and snapped at Jacob with his sharp teeth. Both Alphas were fearsome sights to behold. At first the others were content to stay out of it, but when the threat level of rage brewing screamed major trouble for Sam or Jacob, the rest of the pack followed suit to phase. Two of the wolves clearly sided with Jacob. I wondered if they were Leah and Seth. The rest were lining up with Sam. I was mixed up in a dangerous situation, but Jacob was still blocking most of my view.

Sam's wolf form finally broke the buildup and lunged for Jacob. Jacob attacked Sam with just as much strength and terror. I backed up more and more to avoid the confrontation. _Boys will be boys. This will be over soon, right? _

As Jacob and Sam tumbled and knocked each other around, they were drawing dangerously close to me. I was not moving out of their way fast enough. It's like they were a magnet drawn to where ever I attempted to escape from them. Sam finally got the upper hand on Jacob and knocked him a distance that surprised them both. Jacob's wolf form pummeled into me during another attempt to avoid the scuffle.

It hurt. **A lot**. And an eerie silence hung for the first time in minutes.

My body landed 10 feet away from the impact. I did not open my eyes right away. I was assessing my body's ability to move first. I seemed fine, sore but fine. Then I thought long and hard about what had happened and why I was being subjected to this mess.

"Jessica! Jessica!" I could hear Jacob's desperate voice ringing in my ears. I was actually kind of pissed at him in the moment, so I wanted to make him sweat first before I told him I was okay. Once he started shaking me to wake up, I thought it was time to let him feel better. To a certain extent.

"What the f**k was that?" I stared hard at both Jacob and Sam who were kneeling at my side. Both looked extremely guilty. And naked. I shut my eyes again.

After everyone was clothed again, the next hour was spent informing me about the legends and how they all became wolves. It was a great history to be reminded about because I remembered jack shit from the books. Both Jacob and Sam profusely apologized for putting me in danger. The rest of the pack warmed up to me uncharacteristically fast. _Maybe Bella broke them in to allowing strangers despite their initial protest?_

Finally, I cut to the chase. "Why did I have to be shared this information? What trouble am I in?" Sam looked to Jacob. Jacob started to squirm. Telling me he was a werewolf apparently was easier than telling me the reason I needed to fear for my safety. "Spit it out, Jacob."

"She's feisty. I like it," Embry announced after he whistled at me.

"Jacob's already got dibs on Bella, if that _ever_ even happens, so I call dibs on Jessica." Seth announced playfully.

"You're a little young, kid," Jacob chided to Seth. "Plus, Jessica isn't girlfriend material." A collective gasp of shock was heard from most of the young men surrounding me. They were right to fear for Jacob's life in that moment.

"Please do explain why that is, _dearest Jacob_," I remarked with an icy tone. Jacob just had a "I just f**ked up" realization pass over his face. He knew it was too late to take it back, so he followed through.

"You're too independent," Jacob said matter-of-factly. I could not fault him for his answer. But being independent did not mean I lacked the ability to be in a relationship. It was incredible how often I had to educate this numb-skull on the reality of relationships.

"Just because you can't handle it, doesn't mean that Seth couldn't." Seth blushed a beet red and looked away from me shyly. I was pleased. Jacob's expression hardened. He wasn't pleased with my joke. Jacob slowly meandered by my side and lowered his head to my ear to whisper, "Sorry." The sincerity in his voice made my heart flutter for some unknown reason.

It was getting late in the day and Jacob escorted me back to my house. When we were outside in my driveway, Jacob finally confessed to me another super natural entity was after me. He didn't explain it was a vampire. I wondered if it was because he felt it was Edward's responsibility to do so. He summed up, without going into too many details, that it was after Bella. And my close relationship with Bella made me a target for _some _unknown reason. Before he left, he grabbed my hand and promised he would do whatever it took to keep me and Bella safe. And I knew he would. He caught me off guard when instead of letting go of my hand when we were parting ways, he pulled me in for another hug. It was quicker than the previous one in front of Sam's house. Almost less intimate too, until he kissed my forehead and whispered he promised to me again. His overly affectionate side as a friend really did a small number on me before I went inside.

After he left, what I didn't understand and could not ask though was why this threat was serious. If I recalled my Twilight knowledge correctly, without the Italy event the newborn army should have been stomped out before things got too crazy by the Volturi. What had changed? Was there another reason the Volturi let it grow or what was going on? I was dying to know, but I couldn't let myself slip with my knowledge. I had to accept what Jacob told me and figure out what I could on my own. Jacob made me promise to follow certain rules to keep myself and my family safe. The responsibility wracked me with extreme guilt. I put the Stanley's in danger with my inability to resist inserting myself in a storyline I did not belong in. I couldn't dwell on my past mistakes anymore and had to accept my decision and do what I could to keep them safe. When Jacob left me, I charged my cellphone for the first time in a month. The "battle" was soon approaching, and I needed to be able to be in the loop.

Sunday morning, I woke up to my cellphone ringing. Jacob was thrilled I had demonstrated to him that I had followed through with at least one of his requests. That was not the reasoning for his call.

"I need you to come with us." Jacob's voice was nervous.

"Us?"

"No time to explain more. You trust me, right? It's the best way to keep you and your family safe. Will your parents and Daniel be staying home today?"

"As far as I know."

"Make sure of it." Jacob's tone was freaking me out. I attempted to not reveal that in my response.

"I'll do what I can. When should I expect you?" I asked Jacob as I was slipping on my tennis shoes.

"Now." I clicked off the phone and ran to my bedroom. I lowered my body to the floor and sifted my hands under my bed. When I grasped it, I pulled out the half-decimated wooden baseball bat that saved Bella's life. I needed the courage to get through what was coming up.

I confirmed my parents and Daniel's daytime plans before I left with Jacob. I made sure to say, "I love you" and fiercely hugged each one of them before I left. They bought they excuse I was spending the day with my friends.

Jacob was waiting for me on his motorcycle. He looked temporarily aged with worry when I drew closer to his face. His expression eased up for a second when he saw the cracked bat in my hands. "Really?" he asked humorously.

"It's for good luck." _And my own courage._

"You're a strange one." He let a laugh escape. "It was impressive. How you saved Bella. I never got to say this before despite wanting to. Thank you, for saving her. We weren't close enough yet to stop him from hurting her. You were brave. Thank you." Jacob's gentle eyes looked so pure in that moment I felt a touch of jealousy that Bella commanded a heart that had so much love to give that she could not return.

"Although we had only met once before it happened, you should know I was relieved you were okay too." Before I could respond, Jacob handed me the bike helmet and the moment had past.

We then left the Stanley house to head straight to the danger.

When we could no longer ride by motorcycle, Jacob phased and escorted me through the woods. We hiked a good while before we came to a clearing where I saw more wolves, the Cullen's and Bella. I nervously approached them all with Jacob by my side.

As the new comer, I was being watched intently by all, vampires and wolves. It was everything I never wanted in my life here in Forks. Why Bella ever relished being on this path boggled my mind. I didn't ask about the Cullen's purpose of being there and they didn't divulge it. The gist of my purpose to be present is that they needed the numbers. And if the second target was somewhere else, they could not all fight together. It made sense. I was also promised no harm would come to me. Bella assured me as well. _F**k Bella. She got me into this shit. And would be no help in 'protecting me'. _

Edward struggled with my presence and I wasn't sure why. I assumed he was displeased I was so close to knowing about vampires. I didn't feel obligated to ease his conscious when I remembered they only spent time with me because they had to for guaranteeing my safety. _Jacob too. Dammit I forgot about that fun detail. When this is over, I am chewing them all out __all__ over again_.

Bella and I were separated from the pack of purely rabid newborns when they approached the field. It was not an elite trained army, or whatever coordination the book series had described with the newborns. They were a group of freshly turned vampires that thirsted for our blood- _well I bet mostly Bella's since her's apparently 'smells good'._

Their numbers were impressive. And the onslaught began. Edward and Emmett stayed relatively close to us as a protective barrier while not completely removed from the fight. I was not divulged their 'battle strategy' before the fighting began.

Watching the battle was difficult. To see the Cullen's get pushed around or hear any of the wolves whimper in pain was unbearable. I was feeling tortured having no ability to assist the supernatural war unfolding in front of my very eyes.

My eyes fixated on Jacob in the battle because he was standing alone in his fight. He was shaking off a lot of the newborns. Most of the wolf pack had led some of the newborns in the woods to their home field advantage. But not Jacob. He persisted to be by us for what I assumed was Bella's safety despite having Edward and Emmett's protection already.

Jacob was beginning to get overwhelmed. I was growing concerned for him. Bella's eyes stayed transfixed on Edward who was protecting the right flank of us while Emmett took on the left flank. They were all distracted. Jacob was in need of support no one could give at the moment. I knew I was no help and hated myself for watching on the sidelines within five feet of Bella.

Then I beheld it.

Red hair.

Victoria was about to destroy one more obstacle in her path from her objective of the day's missions. She was waiting for Jacob to be too overwhelmed and distracted from her so she could administer the final blow. _Over my dead body. _

Bella never saw me back away from her presence. With the bat in my hand, I picked up my speed to save Jacob before Victoria finished him off.

Everything that happened next was a rush. Jacobs anamorphic eyes screaming "don't" while I bolted to Victoria. She smiled with pleasure that the prey came to the hunter. Before Victoria could approach me, the newborns scurried away from Jacob to their next meal. They scuffled with who would eat me first. Their frenzy blocked Victoria, but I heard her scream. The shoving soon knocked into me and sent me flying further then when I had when hit by Jacob's body before.

The landing was not as soft. In fact, when I came to, I realized a large branch was piercing through my torso. It hurt. **Very badly**. My breathing was growing shallower, and I tasted the blood pooling in my mouth. I knew what it meant.

"Jessica!" Jacob was by my side first. He was crying. "We have to get you to a hospital. Carlisle! Carlisle!" Jacob was shouting frantically.

A crowd soon hovered over me. It was small. I assumed there may have been a few newborns to finish off. Jacob, two wolves and Carlisle were all I could make out as my eyes began to blur.

"She doesn't have much time," Carlisle whispered softly. I did my best to convey to Carlisle with my eyes "don't you dare turn me to save me".

"Don't say that!" Jacob snapped defiantly. Carlisle put a hand on Jacob's shoulder and left to give us privacy. The other two wolves backed away as well.

"Why would you do that!? I would have been fine." Jacob sobbed. I think he was holding my hand now. I could barely make out his outline. My breathing was growing too shallow and rapid. My thoughts were becoming less and less coherent. I had to tell him before I left though.

"Someone has to protect you, too. Jacob-" I had to cough up blood before I continued. "You don't deserve to be someone's second choice. Option B. You are worth so much more. Please remember-"

...

"Katie." Green eyes. Brown hair. A beautiful face. Jenna was standing in front of me. Something wasn't right though. Her eyes were swollen. They showed signs of excessive crying. She only cried when our parents and grandparents had died. **Ever. **That was it. My big sister was strong. I tried to ask her what was wrong, but I could not speak. I soon realized I was immobile. I was confined to the hospital bed I woke up in. Unable to communicate or move. _What hell did I just wake up in?_

A man resembling a doctor was next to Jenna. He appeared to be calm, so I felt mentally relaxed everything was going to be okay.

"Katie. My name is Doctor Carter. I am working your case. If you can hear me, blink once." _Of course I can hear_. I tried to tell him this but realized there was something obstructing my airways. Then, I worked so hard to blink to confirm what he was asking. My eyelids would not drop. And I _knew_ something was dreadfully wrong.

"Blink. Blink. Blink." I kept internally commanding to myself, but the doctor and Jenna would not acknowledge they witnessed it.

"Nurse, can we pump another round in her? I need her eyelids to move to go over everything to make sure she understands." _Tell me! I comprehend. What's going on?_

I grew sleepy. I was reawakened to the same view. The doctor and Jenna in front of me. _How much time has passed?_

"Okay let's try this again. Katie. My name is Doctor Carter. I am working your case. If you can hear me, blink once." I blinked. _Thank god!_

"Do you know who you are?" I blinked. "Do you know who this is?" The doctor directed his hand to Jenna. I blinked again. "Do you know what happened to you?" I chose not to blink. I wanted to hear it from the doctor.

"You were hit by a car. You were transported to this hospital with severe injuries. Are you following?" I blinked.

"You have sustained many critical injuries. Your spinal cord was crushed high up in your neck and you are paralyzed from the neck down. You are currently being kept alive on a ventilator and cannot breathe on your own. There are options for recovery, but you will never breathe again on your own. We are waking you up, so you understand your options. Do you understand so far?" I blinked.

"Jenna expressed you may want us to remove the vent. There it a tube down your throat so I cannot ask you to speak what you want to me. Instead, we will continue with our blinking system. When I ask you the question, I want you to blink twice for yes and once for no. Can you do that for me? Confirm this with two blinks." I blinked, twice.

"Okay. Once again, you are currently being kept alive by the ventilator. It is breathing for you and if it is removed, you will not be able to breathe on your own and you will die. Do you wish us to remove the vent?" I looked at Jenna before making the decision we both knew I would.

"I will support whatever you decide, Katie." Jenna's face was covered in tears. She re-asked me, "Do you want to be taken off the life support?" It was an obvious choice for me. I didn't want to leave Jenna, but her life would be ruined if she had to take care of me forever. I additionally did not desire to live without an able body. I just wished I could say more.

I blinked. Once. And then a second time.

Jenna balled in response. She asked me next, "Blink once if you love me." I blinked. "I love you too, baby sis. I am so sorry this happened. I love you. More than you could ever know. But I want you to know, I'll be okay. I'll make you proud. Tell mom and dad and grandma and grandpa that I love them." She was putting on a good brave face in attempt to comfort me with my difficult decision.

The doctor slowly approached me and began unhooking the life support system. I wondered if this was the last time I would see Jenna. I took as many mental pictures as I could, so I would never forget her. I would watch over her in heaven with my parents and grandparents. We would make sure she would have the good life she deserved. I loved her so much. _My heart hurts._ The last thing I saw was my sister touching my hand, and I hated that I couldn't feel her touch while my breathing slowly became more difficult and eventually ceased.

…

"Jessica! She's alive!" A feminine voice announced in shock. _Am I back in the Twilight verse? What is this place? A purgatory or what?_

"What?!" I recognized Edward's elegant voice cry in disbelief. _Where am I? I can't really open my eyes yet. Is the battle still going on?_

"**No!** Jacob, how could this happen now? You've known Jessica for months!" Edward's voice was thunderous. He was extremely angry. I wasn't sure about what though. Eventually I would have to open my eyes.

"What is going on Edward?" Bella asked concernedly. Her voice seemed closest to me at the moment. Maybe she was the first voice I heard when I woke up. "Shouldn't we be focusing on Jessica?"

"Yes! Of course. Carlisle is coming over again. We will take her to an emergency room right away after he covers how we get her there without killing her or making her injuries worse." Edward had a long pause before he confessed what he had been admonishing Jacob for. "Jacob..._imprinted _on Jessica after her heart started beating again."

_What the f**k? Imprinted? And please don't tell me they turned me into a vampire to save me?! I don't think so. It's not as the book described. Also, he said __my heart__ is beating. Vampires don't have beating hearts! Whew. Why am I here though? What is going on? I assumed this was all a dream after I woke up as Katie._

"Geez, can we get him some clothes for crying out loud?" Edward complained loudly.

"Jessica!" When Jacob's voice called my name in his human form my eyes automatically opened as if they were commanded to. Something was different this time when I woke up in Forks, Washington. There was this new sense of belonging in my body and mind that was unrecognizable. Jacob's face was different as he drew close to me. It shone brighter. I felt comforted by looking at it. _What the f**k is wrong with me?_

"You're going to be okay. Don't go giving up on me again. You're are staying alive, dammit." Jacob addressed me in normal Jacob fashion, but his words carried more weight to me. They meant something. He didn't respond to Edward's divulging of his imprint. _Why did he say giving up again? Did he call me back to this place? Did he know he was meant to imprint on me? Why now though? _I was confused. And dealing with a great deal of pain. To offer him some form of assurance, I muttered "I promise" before I blacked out.

...

The time I spent in the hospital after surviving supposedly an unsurvivable attack was brutal. Many surgeries and time spent in the ICU went on for a month. I was predicted to not be fit to leave the hospital until the mid-summer. Because I could not finish my remaining time of senior year in the spring semester, I was going to have to repeat the ENTIRE year in the fall. When my mom broke the news to me, I was assured I was in some version of hell.

My "accident" was explained as a "bear attack" to my family that ended up with me thrown on this vertical log that penetrated my chest. Jacob and his "friends" fought off the bear and brought me to the hospital. It was not the _worst_ cover story.

I was kept very isolated in the beginning of my recovery as the patched up wound in my chest needed time to heal without any bacterial infections. It was a blessing in disguise. I desperately required a lot of time to process everything I had learned. What had happened to me was unexplainable. I was hurt in a car accident, ended up in a Twilight Universe, died in the Twilight Universe, brought back to real life, died in real life, and was back in the Twilight Universe. This was never covered in any of my under-grad or graduate classes in college. I didn't understand if I was in some purgatory or what was going on. Everything I had experienced in the Twilight World was real to me. Life carried on it like it was real despite being a fantasy world designed by Stephenie Meyer. _Who am I to question this reality if I was given a second chance now?_

It took weeks, but eventually I came to terms with my current reality and decided to embrace it. Since I first woke up in the hospital, small flashbacks of Jessica's life were popping in my mind. The best way to explain it is labeling it as an out of body experience when each memory decided to make its first debut. But it made me feel more at ease on my decision to be Jessica Stanley. It was difficult deciding to let go of Jenna and my family as Katie Smith. I knew I never would let them go completely, but to have a chance at a happy life I needed to embrace the Stanley's. I would never be their original daughter, but I was optimistic we could still be a happy family. At my core, I no longer differentiated myself between Katie Smith and Jessica Stanley. I was one of the same now.

For the duration of my hospital stay after my isolation in the ICU, Jacob's increased neediness of my time and attention during my recovery was starting to get on my nerves. He once again was reaching for my hand to comfort me during another painful episode of my body's self-repair while I laid in the hospital bed.

"I am not girlfriend material," I snapped at him. Jacob recoiled his hand from reaching towards me.

"You quoted me verbatim." Jacob nervously ran his still free hand through his ebony hair. "You know it's different now." He attempted to justify his attitude shift towards me. Edward's words echoed in my ear, "Jacob imprinted on Jessica."

"No. It's not fair to me." Jacob had an unreadable expression as he waited for my next words. "You always chose Bella. I wasn't the one for you before you imprinted. It's like you're forced to love me. You knew me before and you didn't love me. You knew Bella but loved her. I don't know how this happened!" I was lying about that. I was 99% sure of my theory that he was able to imprint on me because my soul was officially released from my Katie Smith body. But it felt pretty shitty for someone to change their feelings to you because of "fate".

"But don't you think there was a reason we had this undeniable connection before it happened?"

"That connection was Bella," I insisted. I ennunicated Bella's name loud and clear so Jacob would not misunderstand my implication.

Jacob shook his head at me. "I mean something else. I knew you were her friend, but I felt drawn to grow close to you as well and protect you. Without reason in the beginning. But as I began to get to know you, it was my choice to do it. You meant a lot to me still before I imprinted in you."

_Only as a friend though! _My mind was fortifying walls around my heart before I spoke next.

"It's not enough for me. I am sorry, Jacob." I felt unsteady as I made this terrible confession. As if I lost my footing. I was withdrawing an anchor that represented Jacob and I's relationship and was determined to set sail. Without him. I too didn't deserve to be someone's second choice because I knew what that was like as Katie Smith. I didn't need to endure that a second time with this new opportunity to live my life.

Jacob's next words surprised me. "I just want you to be happy. If that means you will only accept me as your friend as I was before, I can do that. Please don't ask me to never be around you again. I think that would be impossible or nearly kill me. _You don't understand how imprinting works_." But I did. At least from what I read in the books. Despite this, I felt obligated to cheer him up. I could at least give him that much. I valued our friendship too after all.

I smiled at him. "Of course, Jacob. We will always be friends."

The distance that grew between us after that conversation was painful. I knew it was my fault, too. Jacob was respecting my space as I had asked of him following that last conversation. At first, I thought he was completely absent from my life. But when I was cleared by the Doctor to begin running again, I felt him watch me from a distance when I would run in the woods.

We didn't see each other again in person until Bella and Edward's wedding towards the end of the summer. Despite the wedding, Bella had changed her mind about turning into a vampire so soon. She admitted to me once when visiting me in the hospital that she wanted to enjoy more out of life that she would be denied after becoming a vampire. Which I fully supported. Before this happened, the Cullen's made me privy to their secret soon after I was awake in the ICU. Carlisle of course delivered the news. Much to my chagrin.

I was rather pleased with Bella's self-growth when she informed me she decided to attend the University of Washington in the fall. It was a win in my book, despite her resolution to marry Edward before leaving for their freshman year.

Edward and Bella's wedding was as lavish and grand as I recalled from the Breaking Dawn movie. The Cullen's, or Alice I should say, didn't have a budget. The wedding party was decided at the last minute when Bella finally caved into Alice's request. I was chosen as a bridesmaid and to my surprise, Jacob was a groomsman. Alice_ intentionally _had us walk together down the aisle during the ceremony that had no rehearsal. _Sneaky Alice_.

"You look…beautiful." It was Jacob's first compliment to me since he called me sort of pretty the first time he popped into my bedroom for our discussions to help him win over Bella. We were now up in the procession to walk to the alter.

"I have my moments." I tried not to let that bittersweet memory affect my tone of voice.

"I have always thought that. Even before." My throat went dry.

His admission made my knees weak. It was poor timing as we walked down the long walkway with many eyes on us. Edward was at the end of our path where he stood waiting for Bella. I locked eyes with Edward as I fought to remain my composure. Edward had stopped talking to me after Jacob's imprint. It was for the best, so he and Bella could at least be on some sort of 'normal' storyline path.

He frowned at me initially and I had no clue why. But when I smiled at him, he offered me the heartbreaker smile I was once accustomed to. His smile encouraged me to respond to Jacob.

"Trying to make me swoon during an inappropriate time, Jacob Black?" I deflected accepting his compliment with humor. It was a defense mechanism that was more of a Katie trait than a Jessica one.

Jacob smoothly lowered his mouth to whisper in my ear, "Just take the damn compliment." Jacob's hot breath tickled my ear. I licked my dry lips. The moisture didn't aid me in finding anything to say. Then it came to me.

"A good-looking man should be careful with complimenting a woman so freely." Our walk was almost over.

"Just you. And you know that." Jacob's confidence in his words frightened me. I was saved in the nick of time. It was our turn to separate and walk to the respective sides of the pavilion for the ceremony.

When the reception ended, I had danced once with each Jacob and Edward.

When I danced with Edward, I realized his vampire dazzling affect no longer had any hold over me. I was genuinely happy for both him and Bella. That happiness ended in the blink of an eye when I saw that Jacob and Bella were slow dancing together as well. My heart grew cold at the sight of them.

Bella was extremely beautiful as a bride. Her simple cream-colored lace gown fitted her well. Her cheeks were flushed constantly throughout the day. Her face glowed with happiness. I was jealous. Her joy amplified her ordinary beauty on this day. And Jacob was witnessing it. He laughed while dancing with Bella. I hadn't heard his laughter in so long, that I forgot how much I missed it. A pit of emptiness rose in my heart from unjust jealousy. I was the one who pushed him away after all.

I attempted to leave the reception after I danced with Edward. But Jacob caught my hand before I exited the dance floor. I was forced to turn around to face him.

"Leaving before I get a dance?" He was breathtaking up close in his dark suit that blended well with his dark features. It was his eyes that held my body in its place despite my desperate attempts to force it to continue heading to my parked car.

Jacob's dark eyes remained unwavering in their gaze despite the apprehension written all over my face. A small part of me felt relieved he caught up to me before I left, but the realistic side of me comprehended I was toying with him if I couldn't say for sure what I wanted.

"I am really tired," I lied. "It's been a long day." Jacob's eyes begged me to at least give him one dance. I attempted to give in and postpone my aspiration to persist I go home_. I do need to reflect on my feelings more. What is real and what is just forced by the "imprint". Understanding if I __ever__ had any real feelings for him before the 'imprint' is tainted by my knowledge of the Twilight Saga and witnessing Jacob's yearning for Bella. But…something tells me I am hiding something from myself. Am I?_

"'Mr. Brightside' is playing though," I insisted that fate was not on our side. A slow song was not playing. It would not be intimate like the dance he just shared with Bella.

"I can be fast on my feet." He grinned as he pulled me into his arms and led me into a chaotic and rhythm lacking dance for the next three minutes. It was incredibly fun. When the song was over, I told him thanks for the dance and began to head to my car. He escorted me in an awkward silence.

When we were at my car, he finally spoke to me again. "How long do I have to wait for us to be friends? Real friends who can at least hang out or call one another?"

"I need more time. I am sorry. Everything that happened was a lot for me to take in. We will get there. Please have more patience with me." Jacob exhaled loudly in frustration.

We were finally at my car. I didn't know what more I could say to make him feel better. Instead of figuring out some words, I hugged him very quickly. So quickly, I caught him off guard. I then got in my car and drove away. It took all my focus to not gaze in any of the car mirrors to see him while I once again put more distance between us.

….

The summer was almost over, and I was about to begin senior year of high school for the third time in my existence. _F**K ME_.

Today was the second to last Friday of the summer break. I had just finished seeing all my friends for a final time before they embarked on their freshman year of college. The goodbyes were sad, and I was on the receiving end of a lot of sympathy for having to repeat senior year _again_. Bella and Angela assured me they would still want to hang out with me despite being a freshman when they were sophomores at Washington University. Edward was following Bella to Washington University as well, but he didn't show up to the outside gathering since it was a rare sunny day in Forks. Mike _insisted _he would visit me on school breaks and planned to keep me up-to-date on what I would experience when I got to college. _His interpretation of college compared to the six years I endured is something I am looking forward to for some good laughs. Mike Newton and Katie Smith had very different approaches to college life. _Eric was postponing starting college for a year to save up money. _He may as well be the smartest of them all unless everyone else's families have tons of money to spend on college that I am not aware of. _Eric had an internship for a newspaper in Seattle though, so I wouldn't be seeing much of him either. I was not looking forward having to make new friends in Forks High School Senior Year 2.0. _At least, I still have Jacob._

As I was driving home, I found myself not stopping at my house. Instead I was headed to the Quileutes Reservation. I was on some sort of auto-pilot mode. I had no clue what I was feeling compelled to do or why. But I allowed the instinct to drive me to Billy Black's driveway, park, and walk to the front door to knock on it.

"Jessica?" Jacob called my name in disbelief as he opened the front door of his house. His face was just as I remembered it. It had been too long. He was respecting my space for his chance to be at least friends with me. He knew I needed time. I still struggled with everything and I hated myself for what I put him through. I was not some girl though who could just submit to a storyline that commanded I be with someone because of an 'imprint'. This was my chance at a second life, and I wanted to live it to the fullest. Being attached to someone so soon was not what I wanted. I also preferred someone chose me for me and not be forced to.

"I just-" I felt stupid and immediately regretted my impulsive decision to visit Jacob. I was being pulled here by some outside force. It was telling me I needed to make sure he was okay and well. "Sorry. This was a mistake. I will, try again another time." Jacob's eyes reflected sadness that I regretted causing. If I hadn't even shown up, I would not have upset him. He respected my decision and let me go without saying anything. He sacrificed his feelings to make me happy over and over. Or so I told him I would be happy with the space.

_Was I wrong though?_

_**No! **__I cannot doubt myself and let the imprint drive my feelings. Because it is…right?_

Before the door was fully shut, I called his name. "Jake!" The door reopened again. I had to repair this or give him a spark of hope. If I didn't, I knew I would regret it. "I just missed you. That's all I wanted to say." I turned around and walked to my Camry. I didn't hear the door shut behind me.

"Hey dummy, could you not call or text that?" Jacob asked me playfully. I didn't dare to turn around to see if the pain was still scribbled all over his face.

"It means more coming from me in person, right?" I yelled loud enough so my message would carry to him despite still not turning around. I was afraid if I did, I wouldn't be able to get in my car and leave.

It was said softly. But I think I heard him say, "It does". The door closed after and I was back in my car. I needed to go home and figure out what the hell came over me.

…

My second senior year at Forks was less eventful. I slowly started letting Jacob back into my life. The time we spent together had conditions and lines drawn in the sand that Jacob was not allowed to cross.

It was difficult at first. We teetered tottered often between him navigating what was appropriate and inappropriate for his actions towards me. We were friends. That was it. I told him this repeatedly. Each time I mentioned it, I drove a nail through my own heart as well.

I was being another Bella to him. Rejecting his love. But I had a good reason. Or that is what I constantly reminded myself. I kept him at an arm's length at all times. Aside from my own personal reasons, I felt guilty that he didn't understand who he imprinted on to. I was not truly 'Jessica Stanley'. Plus, it rocked my world still. He WAS NOT supposed to imprint on Jessica but Renesmee.

This argument and so much more was **logically** understood in my mind. Yet my heart was a force that could not be reckoned with its tenacity in driving me to him despite the walls I kept reinforcing around it. I kept telling it no. To please stop. It insisted I be near him. His happiness equated to my happiness which was truly some twilight-level bullshit. I did find traits I really liked in Jacob, but he had a lot of growing up to do as well.

…

I had a lot to celebrate over the Christmas break. I once again ended a school semester with all A's. I was solidified as the valedictorian of the graduating class of 2007. I was promoted to working on the coveted position of 'booth' at my job at the theatre. I was on a hot streak on the success lane. It reminded me of my drive as Katie Smith. It was hard to ignore though that something was telling me I was missing out on the 'bigger picture' despite all the great things I was doing with my life so far as Jessica Stanley. It didn't involve Jacob though because we were spending a fair amount of time together. Almost too much. But I could not keep myself from spending time with him which was rather annoying. I was persistent though in not neglecting spending time with my family or committing to my work shift schedule. Regardless, something was off and I was struggling to figure it out still.

This year my grandparents were visiting my mom's sister's family for the holiday, so the Stanley's decided to celebrate at home. On Christmas Eve, Jacob showed up for a surprise visit. It lacked in the surprise because I was at the point where I could sense when he was relatively near me. _Which is weird!_

I opened the front door before he even knocked on it. He wore a stupid grin on his face. "Come with me?" It sounded like a question. He always asked for permission despite knowing now-a-days I almost always said yes. I called to my mom in the kitchen and told her I was stepping outside for a bit with Jacob. I could just imagine her grinning to herself at my announcement. She never over-stepped but quite often mentioned what a couple Jacob and I would make.

I walked outside to the winter wonderland with Jacob. Fresh snow blanketed the surfaces of everything except where Jacob's motorcycle and feet had touched. Then I caught it. An additional disturbed surface in our front driveway.

A simple outline of a wolf was drawn next to a baseball bat in the white powder. The laughter that rose in me at the site of the image shook my whole body. Jacob began to laugh with me.

"That ugly, huh?" he asked charmingly. I shook my head in response. It was funny when I thought about facing Laurent with Bella. But when I recalled what happened when I used that bat to save Jacob, the drawing took on a more serious tone. My shoulders stiffened and my heart tugged at something.

"What does it represent?"

"Us."

"Obviously." I elbowed him in his hard chest to lighten the mood. "The symbolism behind the images. What does it mean to you? You're the _artist _after all."

"Trying to get deep on me, huh?" Jacob was deflecting.

"Unless there is not a reason- never mind then." I shut-down. I wanted him to give me something because I** wanted** to return something for once. _Maybe I feel inclined because it is Christmas? He doesn't want to go there. Which is fine. I don't want to anymore either._

Jacob noticed my closed off body language after hearing my shift in tone of voice. "What's wrong?" _He really is so clueless. I was setting him up and he does nothing with it. _I sighed. It was my own fault. I drew so many lines that he stopped crossing them long ago. As I wanted. Then.

"Just getting cold is all." It wasn't a lie. I _really _was cold in my thin leggings and long sleeve cotton shirt. "I should have put on a jacket before coming outside. This is my first time I have been out all day." Jacob drew close to me, hesitantly. Closer than he had been in proximity in months. He extended his arm up, inviting me to draw close to him for warmth. It would be a telling moment on what I would do next. I didn't even have a chance to weigh my options properly before my body sprung into his arm and begged to be held. _For warmth or him though? _I was cold after all.

My head laid next to his heart as he enveloped me in his warm embrace. I listened to his familiar heartbeat. Ever since he imprinted on me, I could always sense it pulsing when he was near. As if it was beating just for me to hear.

"This feels so natural. I knew it then too, but still denied it before the imprint," he admitted softly in my ear. I fought my urge to admit the feeling was mutual. I continued to hide my face in his chest so he could not see the blush I knew that was creeping on my face.

"I know you are unhappy that it happened." My body tensed. _That's not entirely true…_ "You didn't even know what imprinting was yet. It was shocking for me too. My understanding before had always been that an imprint was supposed to occur at first sight and not after knowing someone for months. When your heart stopped beating after you saved me and we all thought you died…" Jacob began to choke on his words and tighten his hold on me. I didn't dare to look at his face**.**

"Something snapped in me. The roots I had in this world and my sense of purpose were being uprooted. They were being called to be replanted somewhere else. I blacked out and followed this feminine voice. It was soft and affectionate. She kept calling for 'Katie'."

My chest started to constrict but I failed to loosen my grip around Jacob. My body was frozen. Waiting for him to release his spell over me with his next words.

"She was praying that 'Katie' would be okay. I wanted to assure the voice this person would be fine, but I could never find her in the darkness. Then her voice was full of a sorrow I myself recognized. She was losing someone she loved. This 'Katie'. I felt empathy as she whispered goodbye to her sister, I soon found out. When her voice disappeared, I heard yours, Jessica."

On impulse, my head jerked up to meet his face. Jacob instinctively looked down at me to meet my eyes. My breath hitched as I drowned in the endless stream of emotions I was reading off his eyes.

"You were asking one question. _Where are you?_ I didn't know if it was me you were looking for, but I called for you. You kept repeating the question though in the darkness. Something forced me to look down at my hand. I felt around my fingers and discovered an invisible string tied to my pinky that didn't seem to be there before. It was connected to something. I prayed it was you and tugged with all my might to bring you back to me."

_Oh my god._ _It was him who called me back here._

"I woke up to hearing a heartbeat. It was a slow rhythm that quickly picked up pace when I came to. Then I heard Bella mentioning you were alive. As soon as I turned to look at you, I knew the heartbeat was yours and my world changed. Lightning struck and suddenly my life centered around you, Jessica Katie Stanley. It was frightening. I didn't understand what had happened or why. I just wanted to make sure you were going to stay alive and be okay. Then I would try to understand what the hell was going on." Jacob finally paused. He was growing concerned about the number of tears falling from my eyes. He released his right arm from around me and brought his hand to my face. He gently brushed away the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

"Should I stop?" He asked barely above a whisper. He couldn't tell my tears were a mixture of happiness and sadness.

"Please continue," I begged.

"That first month when you were limited visitors in the hospital, I took time to sort through everything that happened. I even discussed it with others who have already imprinted. They said it happening after a first encounter _was a first_."

_I know this is my moment to explain myself, but I want to hear more._

"It's been my fault, from the very beginning." Jacob's bitter words tugged at my heart, but I was confused by what he meant. "Maybe I was too blinded by Bella to let the imprint occur. Maybe I forced it down or resisted it?"

"Jacob...that's enough," I choked out through my guilt.

"If I realized who you were to me or was open to imprinting, I would have been able to develop my feelings sooner. Things could have changed for the better. You may have seen me in a different light." I raised my hands to grab his rosy, warm cheeks, but he wouldn't stop confessing. "I'm the one who was insensitive without knowing or thinking of anything besides myself. There is no mistaking that I am the one who pushed any chance for us off a cliff." Jacob's hand overlapped my own on his right cheek. He closed his eyes before whispering, "_I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know_." His lips pressed against the palm of my hands when he brought it to his mouth. "If I knew this would be the result, I would've done it all differently. I am in love with you and I don't know what to do..."

"J_acob..._" I croaked before wrapping my arms around his waist. I needed the support or else my body would crumple to the ground as my guilt weighed me down further and further.

"It's alright if you blame me. I'll fight for you until you tell me I have lost. I will work to make you _so happy._ Jessica, you have to know that whatever I felt for Bella disappeared completely after the imprint. It was lost on me what I ever saw in her before aside from friendship. With the imprint, **_everything_** I knew about you beforehand was enhanced. It was all clear as day. There was a reason behind these moments I once brushed away too casually. Such as my desire to grab your hand, wanting to hug you, or even that one time I kissed your forehead. It all made sense as to _why_.

You** _always _**supported me. You made me feel important. You encouraged me to be better for myself and not just Bella. You looked at me with eyes for only me when we were together. You are an awesome big sister and a dutiful daughter. You are cherished by all who know you because of what you offer with your friendship. You are unique, funny, thoughtful, smart and kind. You are yourself with me and I am myself with you. _And I was too stupid_ to not see what I had right in front of me. You were right. The first chat we had in your bedroom. Love is more than a feeling. What I thought I felt towards Bella is like comparing a drop of water to the ocean when it comes to you. I know why I love you. It is not just a feeling, _I have reasons_. Not driven by an imprint but by who you are.

I understand why I imprinted on you, and I know why I chose to love you after the imprint- to what I had denied before. If I could have developed my feelings before the imprint took place, then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to navigate 'us' now."

I buried my face back in Jacob's chest. His information reveal left me disorientated. I used his body to keep me grounded.

"Jacob, I-" I wanted _so badly_ to tell him about me being Katie Smith. That it was Jenna's voice he heard. I didn't know how to though or if it would do more harm than good. I stuffed my secret back inside before I continued to speak. The love confession I hadn't expected. I couldn't deny that although I was happy to hear his feelings, I wasn't sure how to speak on my own yet. I needed more time to reflect before I made a decision I couldn't take back one way or another.

"I appreciate you telling all of this to me. It paints everything in a different light. I have so much I want to say, but I don't think it would be fair for me to until I let my thoughts simmer more." Before I could let Jacob's dejection overcome him, I pulled him up the stairs to the front door.

I pointed up.

Jacob looked up and his eyes widened. Before I could let my suggestion sink in, I sprung on my tip-toes and planted a kiss on his cheek under the mistletoe.

"Merry Christmas, Jacob Black."

The stupid grin he greeted me with when I first opened the front door returned to his face. A light blush tinted his tan cheeks. "Merry Christmas, Jessica." His dark eyes sparkled when his smooth voice spoke my name. He turned around to head to his motorcycle and I believed he knew what he had done. He broke down the walls I kept rebuilding around my heart and was anticipating the rest of his time in the 'friend zone' was on borrowed time.

…

On January 14th, unbeknownst to Jacob, my gift for his 17th birthday was finally following my heart without reservations and seeing where it led me. His birthday was on the Sunday before the second semester of my second senior year began. We spent the whole day doing what he wanted to do. I even let him hold my hand when appropriate. His joy was infectious. My pleasure in making him happy was unparallel with anything I had ever felt in my life before. It was a sucker punch straight to the gut. I had been denying too much out of stubbornness. I decided to stop denying what we had. After the time we spent together today, I wanted to choose Jacob _too_.

By the end of the day, Jacob had just dropped me off at my house's driveway. He got off his motorcycle as well. There was an air of uncertainty in our pending goodbye.

Jacob was standing in front of me. Being as patient as always for my love to begin. I took his hand and said, "Today was the happiest day out of all the days in my life."

Jacob's dark brown eyes widened. His tan face shone with a stunned expression in the setting sunlight. In that moment, the world seemed to stop spinning and time was frozen. I had finally given Jacob the inch of affection he had desperately been seeking. His progress with me left him frozen in elation. I couldn't let him revel in the moment too long as I let go of his hand and I turned around to walk to my house. He caught up to me after the shock passed. "You...just made me the happiest person in the entire world. That was something else right now."

He poured out his heart as he walked along side me. His words meant everything to me in that moment. I just wanted to replay it on slow motion and take in every second of it.

I stopped and turned to him. I wanted to say more but didn't know what it would be. I decided to lead with action instead as I stepped across his path and embraced him. This time the initial shock didn't last as long, and he returned my embrace. He nuzzled his head in my neck and whispered in my ear, "You have no idea what you've been doing to my heart in these last few minutes."

I laughed and informed him, "I think I do. It's all been intentional." He drew back from my neck and showed off a confident grin. He was beautiful. Not just outwardly, but his heart. His big heart he offered in the end to me and _only me_. I tried to deny the effect of the imprint, but I soon resolved that I couldn't help being drawn to Jacob too. It began even before the imprint occurred. When I stopped denying it, it enhanced my perspective on the amazing guy he was. Despite being younger. I could live with being a cougar now that he was at least 17.

I kissed him on his cheek, and he blushed profusely. He was always still so bashful with anything PG. It was adorable. But I was tired of just adorable in that moment and pulled his face down to me for our first kiss. He was hesitant at first, there was a lot of build up to this very moment. When he relaxed and embraced the moment, the fire ignited between us. The passion and love in a kiss of two people destined together was something I could never dare to dream of as Katie Smith. It was…unworldly.

…

"Come on Jessica, we're going to get to the airport late," Jacob chided to me as I dug through my dresser trying to find my passport. _We have FIVE HOURS until our flight leaves. This is what happens when you fly with a novice who feels they need to be at the airport way earlier than necessary. _

"I put it here somewhere. I swear," I insisted while I rummaged through each drawer. I was almost at the point where I was going to begin dumping out the contents of each dresser drawer when Daniel entered my room.

"Jessie… looking for this?" Daniel asked with a mischievous look in his eyes. I sighed with relief when I saw the blue passport in his hand.

"Yes! Where did I leave it?"

"Right by the bathroom sink." Daniel made the "tsk, tsk" sound as handed me the passport then shifted his eyes to Jacob. "Please take care of my big sister while you're overseas. She can be a bit of a space cadet."

"Come here you little runt!" I started to run after him playfully. He evaded my grasping arms as our chase ensued down the hallway. He finally stopped at the top of the stairs. "You know I am going to miss you, right?" I asked him while catching my breath. I had been lapsing on my running routine in the last month. I picked up a lot of extra shifts at work to afford this end of summer trip before my freshman year at Washington University. One month of backpacking around Europe. With my best friend. And boyfriend. Jacob Black.

"Of course, you are." Daniel responded casually. He was getting too cool for his sister lately as he was about to start middle school. It was bound to happen sooner or later I knew, but it still was hard to accept.

I decided to give him his space. "Good. Well, I will finish getting my stuff and then mom and dad will take us to the airport. Can I get a goodbye hug from you first though?" Daniel looked at me for a few seconds. I was partially convinced he was going to reject my hug.

He soon stepped forward and hugged me first.

"Love you, Jessie," he admitted stubbornly.

"Love you too, kiddo." I patted his head in our embrace. "I won't see you for a month but remember to at least say "hi" to me when I call to check in."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered as he pushed away from my embrace and headed to his bedroom.

I returned to my room and grabbed my bags with my passport in my hand.

"Let's go, Jacob!" Jacob followed my lead downstairs as I heard him mutter under his breath "Why can't she call me just Jake yet?". I did prefer Jacob though.

At the airport passenger drop off zone, way earlier than we needed to be thanks to Jacob, my parents brought out our luggage from the back of their SUV. My mom and dad slightly cried and praised my effort for working so hard to pay for this trip. They told me to enjoy myself and made Jacob promise he would keep me safe. We headed in the airport after the final goodbye, "I love yous" and hugs were exchanged. They knew I would be calling them every other day, so the parting should not have been that dramatic.

Once in the airport, Jacob caught me off guard as I was sifting through my purse for my passport before we intended to check-in our luggage.

"You've never said I love you."

My hand stilled when sorting through the contents of my purse. I raised my head to look upon his carefully blank face before surveying the area around us.

_He brings this up now? And what is he talking about!?_

"What?! Of course I have!" I insisted. I was appalled over Jacob's outlandish accusation as my right hand hugged my hip while my elbow pointed out in a challenging pose.

"You _always_ add in something else." Jacob was pouting at me and I was doing my best to resist caving in.

_What inspired him to bring this up? Was he jealous when I said "I love you" to mom and dad when we said goodbye?_

"**_I do not!_**" I rebutted unsure if there was actually some truth in what he said.

"_Ugh, that annoys me but I love you. You're lucky I love you._ Need I list more?" I fought off a wince as I processed the point he was making.

_Shit, he may be right..._

Despite admitting this to myself, I charged forward to stubbornly persist, "Well you already know so that should be enough." Jacob's face fell and thus did my resolve to win this argument. "Fine, I love you," I muttered through pursed lips.

"Try without the _fine_," Jacob responded with a cheeky grin that I wanted to personally eradicate from his face.

"Oh for the love of - I said it!"

Jacob's grin faltered and I caved in once again.

"I love you. I love you _**so**_ much. So much that I can overlook that you're still in high school. _Happy now_?"

"Yup! Love you, too!" In the end, a sunny grin reclaimed his face which I supposed made my flustered state worth it.

I rolled my eyes to fight off my embarrassment over sharing my feelings in such a public setting. Refocusing back to my original task, I soon retrieved my passport from my purse. I waved it in the air to Jacob in excitement to affirm I wasn't the space cadet that Daniel proclaimed I was.

"Are you ready for this adventure?" His face was still so cheery that it was mildly frightening that my mere presence could make someone so happy.

"With you, I am ready for anything." Jacob leaned down to kiss me. I pulled away before I could let him slip his tongue in my month. The devilish tint to his smile after I pulled away told me he at least had to try. That level of PDA was not my thing though and he _knew_ it.

I grabbed his hand and said, "Let's go live this life we have to the fullest. I love you, Jacob."

* * *

_Updated text on 4-24-20. No major changes. I reworded Jacob's confession during his Christmas day confession to Jessica and I added to the airport scene at the end. Airport scene heavily inspired by an end scene from "Amnesia:Memories" mobile app game. __I may do some word/verbiage swapping another time to this chapter as well. But I am feeling kinda tired after tackling a major edit overhaul on Edward's ending today as well. _

_Scroll to the end of this chapter for Sequel Preview_

* * *

**Authors Note:**

_Dear readers,_

_I hope even though some of you were sad the story was ending, you can enjoy you have a lot to read with this ending(s) ;) I struggled knowing how much further I could take it with keeping readers in the dark about the underlying reveal of each ending. I personally didn't feel like revealing this major plot point fitted well until the end. Also, I feared if I stretched the story on too long, I would never finish it. __I am terrible at finishing things__. Which I never want to do with this account on Fanfic. And while the inspiration was here, I desired to end it all on a high note :)_

_After chapter three, the only thing I had planned was my intended ending being three different options. Originally four- I had a Mike ending but decided to scrap it.__Each chapter was written completely on whim. I always reread chapters and edited minor things from my first post along the way. This kept the plot fresh in my mind so I could make connections to things I wrote earlier on. A lot of it wasn't planned, but I just happened to make something up that made the stars align to a previous plot point. It was pretty cool to me. I always enjoy stories the come full circle to a certain degree. I did keep in mind that I needed to leave bread crumbs and divvy up time spent with characters to make three plausible endings. Hopefully I did enough to make each ending believable._

_This story was made possible by reviewers on my first chapter.__ My first two stories I posted on Fanfic had a purpose, so it didn't bother me they didn't get a lot of attention or reviews. I was doing them for myself. The premise of this story was inspired by a manga I was reading about this high school girl who was hit and killed and reincarnated as a villain in an romance game she had played a lot where you chose your path of which love interest you wanted to end up with. Her only objective was to avoid the bad ending where her character was killed. The other option was banishment. So, she worked hard to be on good terms with the romance characters/future friends of the protagonist to avoid the bad ending of her death. What she was oblivious to on her journey was how all the characters eventually were drawn to her character and she had become the protagonist despite always thinking she was the villain still. The manga isn't done yet, but I am 100% certain it will end with her being friends with everyone and not choosing a love interest. I thought that is cool, but also the romantic in me still would want to see what it would look like if she took a romantic path. She had a lot of good options too lol Hence why my ending had different versions. I also had recently watched Twilight on TV and I got this idea of what if a girl was reincarnated at Jessica. I wrote the chapter in 5 hours and posted it on a whim on FanFic. I told myself if no one reviews it or it gets blasted for sucking, well it wasn't something I was super passionate about. Just an idea. I was thrilled with the feedback I got. Then I grew courage to figure out "Okay, what happens next?" And that's how each chapter went. And I began to become passionate about this story. Thank you to all my reviewers who encouraged my writing and appreciated it. __It's not the most elegant or descriptive, but I feel it captures raw emotion and relationship growth.__ I always giggled when I read reviewers who speculated who Jessica would end up with. I hope the ending you wanted Team Jacob/Team No one/Team Edward was satisfying and realistic. Much love to all my readers, followers, and those who have favorited this little humble story. I hope you enjoyed the journey as well. Until next time!_

_P.s. ALL the reviews,__** ESPECIALLY **__the in-depth reviews on this story as a whole and about my writing__** (you guys made me want to post this before I had the third ending done [:O])**__ on the last chapter touched me a lot. I hope everyone reading this were satisfied AT LEAST with one of the three endings…if none, well I at least enjoyed them. LOL_

_-Lalaland972_

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_Lalaland972's Response to Reviews listed alphabetically:_

**brankel1:** Love it! Thank you :D

**Curlystruggle:** I hope you enjoyed endings 1 and 2! Thank you for the reviews Glad you didn't have to fight her parents after ch 10, whew! lol

**DxGrayxMan:** I WONDER IF YOU WERE SURPISED WITH THESE ENDINGS?! You always had great theories/guesses!

**dkgp: **I totally agree with you and glad you feel the same way :D I hope if either of these endings were not what you were looking for, you will enjoy ending 3! Thank you for favoriting this story and me as an author

**Fullmetalkitsuna:** More story is here! One more ending to go though! :D

**Guest1: **2 week at least for 2/3 endings is good, right?! :D

**Guest2: **I wonder what you think with the romantic endings of 1 and 2? You definitely won't see focus on that in ending 3 in case you didn't care for it. THANK YOU FOR THE SALUTE ^_^

**Hmz0975: **While endings 1 & 2 didn't cover Bella too much, I think you will be pleased with more insight in ending 3. As always, thank you for your reviews

**Imlovinfanfic:** I hope some of your questions/speculations were answered in ending 1, more insite/focus on Bella in ending 3 ;)

**KimHdz:** Wow. Thank you for deciding to leave that **beautiful review**. I am glad you noticed and enjoyed all those moments along this storyline. I hope if you weren't keen on a romantic ending you will enjoy the last ending which I am taking the most care to write.

You Reviews: Great

Author's Feels when reading your reviews: Great

KimHdz as a fan: Great

**Lelleg**: I am glad you have enjoyed my story! I hope you enjoyed the two endings so far and the third one to come!

**Maroaxyd02**: YOU ARE SO RIGHT! Love Japanese manga with reincarnation story lines right now Bahahaha Ending three will be more focused on friends/family and not romance like endings 1 and 2 FYI

**Mayfire21**: I am sad too One more ending to post though! I am glad you have enjoyed it all the way through. I hope that has continued with these endings!

**Pendora59**: I am glad you like the OC :D I hope you enjoyed the endings posted so far!

**Ri P Raven:** I am glad you've enjoyed the journey! I wonder if any of your speculation matched to endings 1 or 2?! If not, you can always continue to speculate about ending 3! :D

**Treasure89:** Your insights to my story **never** cease to surprise me. Your reviews gave me hope that other readers caught on to the same things. Thank you for your help and being my BETA. Can't wait to finish the last ending with your help, YOU ROCK! :D

**Whatkoolser:** Haha love that you lived for the angst in the last chapter LOL I hope you liked one of the endings. If neither…hopefully ending three does it for you :O

**Wolcen:** Your comment on chapter 11 was good. I think you will have more insight to this in the third ending. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed reading endings 1 and 2

**Wpear:** All good things must come to an end I would have loved too if I knew how to expand the storyline more without being a tease for so long. Also, I really feared sooner rather than later I would lose my gusto for writing this and never finish!

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**"Jessica's Happily Ever After?"**

**Chapter 1**

** [Jacob Ending cont'd]**

**"A Million Steel Cables or Roots?"**

It was bound to happen. I foolishly thought fate could change in this world. I just didn't expect it to be forced once we returned from Europe.

...

After I began unpacking from our trip and dividing my clothes for laundry in my bedroom, I received a call on my cell phone from Bella.

"Bella!" I shouted excitedly over the speaker into my phone.

"No, sorry it's Edward, Jessica." I quickly did a double take to make sure I read the caller ID correctly. It was labeled as Bella Cullen on the screen. I was not mistaken.

"Oh, Hi Edward. How's it going?"

"I need you to relay a message to Jacob for us." Edward skipped over the pleasantries usually exchanged at the beginning of a call and that bothered me.


	14. Chapter 12-3

_Hello readers! Welcome to the Twilight Zone! You are about to embark on the adventure of reading one of three different endings for Katie/Jessica's Journey in "But why am I Jessica?". Right now, you have selected the:_

12.1 Edward ending

12.2 Jacob ending

**12.3 Friendship ending**

_I have added the same author's note at the end to explain the inspiration for the story and to say my thanks/acknowledgments/respond to ch 12-1/-2 reviews. _

_Also, thanks for the patience. This was the most difficult ending to write. I had so many versions to vet out before I decided on one I liked the most. I felt an immense self-imposed pressure to make this one the right one._

_Please read and enjoy! _

Credit to: **Treasure89 **for _Beta review_ of the first half this chapter/the concept and offering great advice of where to go!

* * *

**But Why am I Jessica?**

**Chapter 12.3**

**Alternate Ending 3 – Friendship**

"Please." The desperation in Edward's voice did not compel me to listen to him this time. I secretly feared if I let Edward talk to me, he would dissuade me from my current position to leave Forks indefinitely. You can never under estimate a vampire's charm, and I had already let him shamelessly fool me for the past two months. Enough was enough. I allowed myself to channel a calm state before I spoke. Speaking to him in further rage would not help my case in the moment. It could likely lead him to persist to talk with me more for some unknown reason I did not care to explore.

"Edward, please leave. I just need some space. We can revisit this conversation at school on Monday, okay?" _Because I won't be there. _

Edward's mouth held a firm line of displeasure at my decision. But at least he respected it. "Monday it is then. Can I pick you up to take you to school?" _Woah coming on a little strong __or__ he is really desperate to have this conversation. _

"I can drive myself. But we can meet in the library before first period." I now felt _slightly_ bad for lying. He looked so pleased I was giving him the opportunity to explain whatever was going through that thick vampire skull of his. _Slightly _though was not enough to prevent me from leaving today.

Edward handed me the gas canister before he left. I went to my bedroom and packed a bag with the essentials. I kept my needs basic enough to not warrant any suspicion to whichever parent dropped me off. Picking up the Camry with two packed luggage bags was **not **an option. The only thing I allowed myself to keep as a direct reminder of the time I spent with the Stanley's was a necklace presented to me by Jessica's parents for her birthday. The silver chain sporting a simple heart outline pendant remained hooked around my neck since I first received it. Inscribed on the interior of the silver plating was, "Love Always, MDD".

"Jessica!" Jessica's mom's voice frantically began calling for me from downstairs. I grabbed my go bag and proceeded to head toward her. _Is she upset? Has she already figured out she has to take me to the car now instead of Edward doing it for her?_

"Mom?" Jessica's mom was walking around the living room flustered. Despite her put together ensemble, Mrs. Stanley was anything but poised in that moment. To put it delicately, she was losing her shit. I attempted to calm her down, so I could understand what was going on. Only an hour had passed since Edward was here, so I was at a loss at what caused her to deteriorate from then.

"**Mom!**" I finally yelled at her to snap her to attention since calling to her softly had failed to work. Her eyes met mine. In that instant, my skin began to crawl. _Something is terribly wrong._ This was not a normal freak out session for Mrs. Stanley from my limited exposure to them.

"What is wrong?" Mrs. Stanley abruptly shut her eyes. Her lips began to quiver. The color was still slowly draining from her face.

"Daniel," she whispered to me with despair in her voice.

"Mom, what about Daniel?" I asked nervously. My heart was beginning to steadily increase its pace in my chest. Jessica's mom gradually opened her eyelids, allowing them to reveal the answer before she even spoke.

"He's missing." _What?_

"I let him sleep in this morning and he wasn't in his bed when I when to wake him up. I checked everywhere in the house and he **IS NOT HERE**." _She has to be blowing this out of proportion. She is his mother after all. And he is __**her baby**__. This is just a misunderstanding. I will not panic yet; I have to be reasonable. _

"He's not with Dad?"

"Your father is out looking for him right now." I bit my lip as I processed what would come next for what to do in this situation.

"You've called all his friend's parents?" I asked her slowly. As if she didn't think of this already god knows how long ago.

"_Of course_, Jessica. He is MISSING, I am telling you. My baby is missing!" She began to break down in tears. The possibility of Jessica's mom being correct was beginning to sink in. Before I let myself be consumed by the same sadness, fear overrode my senses. The fear that was developing in me was feeding off the thoughts that _maybe_ Jacob and Edward needed to tell me what the f**k was going on that involved me being in danger, and _if _that could have transferred to putting Daniel and the Stanley's in danger as well. _F**k! I am getting __so scared__ right now. I am just a human. I can't do this. I can't be of any help if I am mixed up in the Eclipse Plot that involves Victoria and her army. _

I wrapped my arms around Jessica's mom and told her, "Mom, it will be okay. Daniel is okay. Dad's looking and I am going to start as well. You stay here just in case he comes home. Okay?" Jessica's mom nodded at me as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks. It took all the strength I had to offer her an encouraging smile, as if everything would _really_ be okay, and turn away from her. I hastily ran back upstairs to Jessica's room.

Once inside with the door shut, I leaned my back against the door and let my body crumple down to the carpet. The distress I felt internally, I finally allowed to show externally. My body trembled in terror as I freed the tears that had been constantly threatening to fall as soon as I heard Daniel was missing.

I looked at the clock on my bedroom wall. Ten minutes. That is all I allowed myself. Ten minutes to let it all out and then time to pull my shit together.

When my ten minutes were up, I plugged in my cell phone. The time had come for Edward and Jacob and I to be on the same page because their mess now involved others that it **NEVER **should have. I called them both, twice, and neither answered their phone. _Something is wrong._ _Or what if…we are all overthinking it? Maybe Daniel just went over to a friend's house without telling my parents, and the parents of the friend don't even know? It is a logical explanation. I cannot let myself go down the rabbit hole of 'what ifs' yet. Logic shall dictate. _

I soon left Jessica's room and took action to canvas the neighborhood streets calling Daniel's name.

…

Six hours later I had nothing to show for my time spent searching on foot for Daniel in Forks. I came across Jessica's Dad's twice in his car as we searched. Both times we shook our heads in agreement that Daniel was yet to be found. The second time, Mr. Stanley scolded me for forgetting to carry my cellphone with me during my search. I returned home soon after that to get it. He was right after all.

When I entered Jessica's bedroom to retrieve the cellphone off the nightstand, I noticed the bedroom window was open. _I do not remember leaving it open. That wouldn't make sense for me to do with the air conditioner already running through my room... _

My head suddenly jerked around in my room looking for an unwelcomed presence. I flung open the closet door, I dropped my body to search below my bed, and I found no one. When I could finally breathe again, I walked to the window to close AND lock it. My eye caught a single page parchment containing words next to my cellphone on the nightstand.

_Tomorrow. The woods. If you're not quick enough, Daniel's blood will be on your hands. – V._

After I finished reading the letter from Victoria over for the tenth time, I wanted to vomit. My worst fear had come true. It was a scenario I had not _even_ dared to think beyond the subconscious level.

_This is my fault. No one else's. Not Edward's. Not Jacobs's. Mine. Not even Bel- BELLA! _I was letting the situation at hand chip away at my soul prematurely. My tears, my fear and blaming myself would not save Daniel. I needed to make my time count. I knew what had to be done. It was time to fold my hand in Twilight World.

I picked up my cellphone and found Bella's contact number in my phone. I had never used it until now. I put all my hope into my right thumb as it pressed the 'call' button next to the contact name _Bella Swan_.

"Hello?" The curiosity laced in her question led me to believe she was **not** expecting my call.

"Hi Bella, it's Jessica. Are you home?"

"Yeah..."

"It's time we talk. Is Edward or Jacob over at your house?"

Her hesitation concerned me. "This conversation needs to be alone between us," I beseeched her over the phone. I had hoped Bella would feel compelled to listen to me and abide by my request. My faith derived from remembering the Bella who said we had grown close in the meadow before Laurent surprised us.

"They just left a little while ago actually, but now is not a good time Jessica."

"Bella, I am sorry but that is not going to cut it right now. Renée. Ballet studio. James." I heard Bella gasp through the phone speaker. "This is history repeating itself, but your life is not the one being threatened right now. This time, it's not a trick. If we do not talk now, Daniel will be killed. I will explain more when I am at your house. But this can only be between us two. Edward and Jacob and whoever else of the supernatural world cannot be in on this. Please understand. If you ever thought of me as a real friend, please comply with what I am asking."

The silence that carried on the next few seconds was excruciating. Daniel's fate was in her hands at this moment.

"Come over in 20 minutes. Charlie will be gone by then. I will make sure Edward or Jacob don't plan on coming back." Bella's voice was raspy. _A million questions must be surfacing in her mind right now. I have to execute this right when I see her._

I told Bella thank you and I would see her soon before I clicked off of our call. I dumped out the original contacts of my backpack and quickly gathered what I now needed instead. Then I changed into athletic gear worthy of battle. Jeans, my running shoes, sports bra, dryfit athletic shirt, baseball cap, and the birthday necklace.

Bella opened the door of her house as soon as I pulled into the Swan driveway. As I drew closer to her, her fair skin looked weary in the evening's setting sun. Her forehead showed off creased worried lines, and the lighting accentuated the fact that the skin around her brown eyes was swollen. _Has she been crying? __She needs to pull her shit together. Tears will not help Daniel right now._ _I swallowed my sorrow earlier and she needed to do the same._

"Let's talk upstairs in your room." I spoke first before anything could escape her parted lips. Bella nodded and we walked in silence to her bedroom.

Bella closed her bedroom door and proceeded to sit on her bed. She was waiting for me to explain.

"Listen, I don't have the luxury to explain _how_ I know so much. If we survive this, I'll divulge everything. To you. _And only you_. No one else can know how and why I have this information, Bella. **No one**! Long story short right now, Victoria has Daniel and is leveraging him in exchange for me to turn myself over to her. I don't know how I was involved in this mess, **but this is not right**. This should have never happened. Nothing has been unfolding right to my knowledge since...the beginning of the school year." Bella stared at me like I was crazy. Off my meds crazy.

"If Edward and Jacob get involved, they will ruin everything. Their involvement will prevent any sneak attacks from occurring that **would** endanger Daniel. Him being killed or being turned into a f**king vampire is NOT an option." I dumped the contents of my backpack on Bella's bedroom floor.

Bella's face winced when she saw everything. A pair of gym shorts, a 'Batman themed' t-shirt, socks, child size sneakers, and a pocket size blue teddy bear. "This is for Daniel when I rescue him. I can't make that happen without your help, Bella. Please. **Please** help me save my little brother." My voice carried all the faith I dared to have in rescuing Daniel.

Bella collected her thoughts before she spoke. "I don't know how much help I can be, Jessica." I sighed and repacked the backpack. _Bella doubts her abilities because she is surrounded by supernatural beings. She doesn't value herself enough. She is crucial to my plan and I intend to explain how. _

"You are the key factor in my plan that determines my success. Do **you** understand?" I extended my hand and placed it on her shoulder. Bella's eyes widened and shone with confusion. "Let me tell you how now..."

...

"Hi Alice, can you come over please? I am having a girl's sleep over. Jessica is here too." Bella's faked enthusiasm was perfect. She avoided making eye contact with me as her mouth soon shifted into a grimace.

"Yeah, I know, Alice. And no, let's pass on inviting Rosalie." Bella reached up her free hand to press the right temple above her eye. She gently massaged it as she continued to converse with Alice. I concluded Alice may have been making it difficult for the plan to proceed as I mapped out to Bella.

"Yes, I will do that...great! See you soon then!" Bella's face at least looked passible for pleased when she finally hung up.

"Well...that could have gone worse. But she is coming." Bella slumped back onto her bed.

"While that is occurring...what did Charlie hunt the _bear_ in the woods with?" I asked Bella.

"...a gun."

"Only a gun? Nothing else?" Bella eyed me suspiciously. She wanted to know what I was really asking for.

"A crossbow." Bella's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Does Charlie have one?" It was a long shot, but we were in Forks where both vampires and wolves roamed, so it wasn't an unreasonable request.

"Well, no. But he once joked about taking the one from the Fork's History Museum to hunt the bears." _Jackpot_. "Why a crossbow though?"

"**One**, I am trained to use one. It's been years though... don't look at me like that. Long story short, I was really into 'Green Arrow' comics growing up and I asked for a bow and arrow for one birthday, but my grandpa misunderstood and thought I meant a crossbow. Anyways, I learned to shoot one for recreation. **Two**, it's my only chance to pin down Victoria as a human and let Daniel escape. And another reason we need Alice's cooperation to pull this off. **Three**, it's kind of bad ass to use. I hope the model in the museum will work."

"You can't be serious?" Bella exclaimed to me. I wasn't sure which point she was referring to, but I was serious in all of them.

"Deadly," I said as I mimicked my hands to mime the loading and firing of a crossbow.

Bella and I proceeded to mull over details of the plan until Alice appeared outside her bedroom window. _What an Edward move._ I snickered to myself.

"Bella!" Alice swiftly moved to engulf Bella in a hug with the utmost grace with her petite frame. She turned to me. Her expression was strained as she attempted to maintain matching the same cheerful attitude in seeing me. It was a valiant effort. B- worthy. A total hop, step, and a skip away from that day in my car when she forecasted, we would be "good friends" and she kept trying to call me "Jess". It was not the time to dwell on her change of stance towards me though.

"Hi Jessica!" Alice wrapped her arms around me as well. Her hug felt safe and warm despite her feeling obligated to greet me the equivalent as Bella. _I wonder what it would feel like if she actually wanted to hug me and not pretend to be nice? _

When Alice backed away from me, she knew something was up. Her face pinched together, and her eyes phased into empty golden orbs. When a few seconds passed, she angrily expressed her thoughts. "What are you guys thinking? Why would you do this?"

"What did you see?" I demanded from Alice. Alice narrowed her eyes and directed them at Bella. Bella nodded.

"She figured it out on her own, Alice. We can't keep hiding everything when she is involved." Bella spoke with confidence. It was a contrast from the girl who only thirty minutes earlier mentioned she could be of no help to me.

"Bella…why am I here and not Edward? Does _he_ know _she_ knows?" Alice pursed her lips to her right side of her face and began to chew on her inner cheek. _Why does she seem so nervous?_

"Bella don't answer that until Alice tells us what she saw. Alice, what did you see? Please!" I let the anxiety in my plight show for once since I arrived at the Swan household.

"Fine. I just saw you and Bella walking in the woods, _alone_. You were carrying a crossbow, Jessica. You were hunting for something. Now you both tell me what the hell is going on." _Oh my god, yes! It is possible to pull off the heist then. _

Alice was soon debriefed and brought up to speed. Alice was continuing to look more and more like a nervous wreck when each new detail in the plan was unfolded to her.

"Why again can no one else know?" Alice asked for the third time. I was growing frustrated at her inability to comprehend the danger Daniel would be risked in if Victoria sensed vampires _or_ wolves were coming to her. Daniel's life would be forfeited in a heartbeat. I was not willing to take that risk.

"Victoria has Daniel. If a wolf approaches, **she will kill Daniel**. If a vampire approaches, **she will kill Daniel**. If a human approaches who she does not fear, there is a possibility Daniel can be saved. I am willing to take his place. It is my fault. But I do not intend to just hand myself over and believe she will so easily trade Daniel's life for my own. This is where you come in for another crucial part of the plan. The first part is that I don't want Edward reading your mind and being able to see whatever you see until the plan has already been executed. The second part, I need you to lead the vampires and wolves somewhere else by proclaiming you have a false vision of where Victoria is. If you think Edward won't buy a fake vision, call him on the phone. He wouldn't expect you to lie to him. The last part, I need you to get the crossbow from me from the Forks History Museum. If I survive, I will return it. But I need to pin down Victoria to ensure Daniel's safety. For my own peace of mind, please reconfirm for me it would be possible to buy some seconds from Victoria by pinning down her body to a tree with the crossbow arrow?"

Alice nodded to me. "It is possible. The history is not entirely understood because of the passing down of the story, but Carlisle once told me the crossbow in the museum was a gift to the townspeople of Forks from the Quileute tribe. It cannot kill a vampire, but the sacred arrows for it can pierce through our skin. This also depends on your aim. I can't guarantee how much time it will buy you before she frees herself and pursues you, but it is not _impossible_."

I clasped Alice's cold hands in my own and praised her for giving me hope. "Even if you said it was impossible, _I would still try_." Alice looked at our hands together and cleared her throat. She was uncomfortable. _Is it because I am human?_

"Will you help us pull this off? Please Alice." I looked back at Bella and she was nervously chewing on a thick piece of her hair. _I was hoping she would add something here, but not every moment is a winning one. I'll take what I can get. At least she is not backing out._

"I don't agree with not telling the others. _Especially_ Edward." Alice's eyes shifted between locking on Bella and myself. I couldn't understand why I was factored into being a guilty party in "not" telling Edward. He was not my boyfriend. "I am in though. I understand your reasonings. For your brother…I am sorry this has happened to him. I will do everything I can to make sure your mission is successful. I guess first I should start with…" Alice vanished from our presence. The curtains whooshed by the window almost simultaneously with Alice's departure.

I walked to the bed and sat down next to Bella. "You know, you don't have to come. I can do it by myself. It is okay. What you have done so far for me has been more than enough." I offered Bella a genuine smile. She was never given enough credit of what she was capable of doing without Edward or Jacob around in the books. I truly hoped she could see that too one day in herself.

Bella released the hair from her mouth and smoothed it behind her ear with her hand. She placed both her hands on her thighs and balled her hands into fists. She was working herself up to say something. Summoning her courage. "You heard Alice, I was with you. In the woods. The only way you're coming back out alive is if I go with you. If I don't, you will die and Daniel's chances for survival are lowered too." Bella's voice trembled as she spoke her truth. "Jessica, you saved me. You woke me up to face reality when Edward left me. You protected me from Laurent. You…have been nothing short of supportive. Let me now support you. Save you. Okay?"

Her words reminded me of someone. Someone who would go through hell and back for me. _Jenna._ I felt a single tear roll down my right cheek as I said, "okay".

…

I didn't sleep the whole night in Bella's bedroom. As I laid in Bella's bed next to her, I kept reviewing each detail of my plan in my head. I played out every scenario feasible. The odds of all three of us surviving were slim to none. My realistic mission outcome was that Bella would leave the woods with Daniel. I did not have the heart to preemptively tell Bella this. When the time was right and she had no other choice, I would tell her my ultimate fate.

I sighed a breath of relief in the morning when the sun was rising that at least the set up was already taken care of. Jessica's mom and dad believed I was participating in a search party with Bella and her dad on that Sunday. Alice had retrieved the crossbow for me and was on board to execute her mission as soon as dawn occurred. I had also trusted her to keep Edward away from Bella's window for the night. She had not failed me. Without Bella's knowledge, Alice understood her final part to play in what I asked of her.

Before I woke Bella up, I jotted a quick note for her. My wish was that it would hopefully explain enough and make her feel at ease with my eventual demise. I tucked it into the backpack's front pocket and made sure it was addressed to her.

"Bella, time to get going." Bella's eyes quickly shot open and she assessed my presence carefully. _I wonder if she thought it was all a dream? _Bella slept in her clothes for the trip, so all she needed was to strap on her boots. As Bella collected herself and laced up each boot, I reminded her a very crucial detail she was not supposed to forget.

"Bella." Bella's sleepy eyes redirected to my face from her shoes. "The extra arrow is in the backpack. You remember the pointers I gave you last night, right?" Bella yawned and nodded. I was concerned she was not taking what I was saying seriously.

"Bella!" Her eyes widened as if I just shot her up with a double shot of espresso in the veins. "If I miss or something goes wrong, that is your only chance to get things back on track. I understand we didn't get to practice actual shots, but I need to know you have confidence to try. I don't mean to put this kind of pressure on you, but if you're coming with me, I need to know you can step up to the plate. Can you, Bella?"

Bella rose to her feet. She rolled her shoulders back and produced a confident stance. "All three of us are making it out of this alive, Jessica." For a second, I believed her. I counted on Bella Swan to have my back. I swung my backpack around my shoulders and tucked the 19th century crossbow under my arm, preloaded with one arrow. I kissed the necklace hanging around my neck before I descended down the Swan's staircase for the last time.

…

Bella and I traversed the woods alone aimlessly for over an hour. Victoria did not specify any specific rendezvous point, so we were at a loss of how to find her and Daniel. As more time passed, my arms were beginning to feel the weight of the crossbow in them. I grappled with the realization I may falter in being able to carry it for much longer.

But it didn't matter, we soon stumbled upon Daniel and Victoria.

"To think, you found me as I had hoped for. You're as smart as I pegged you for, _Jessica_. Their involvement would have triggered _Daniel's_ instant death." Daniel's tiny body was sprawled by her feet, unresponsive. The jolt of fear I experienced, sprung me to react and not follow through with my plan.

Victoria's focus on continuing her speech, the fact she was standing in front of a wide based tree trunk, and her underestimation of humans drew my arms to react without thinking. The persistent fatigue in my arms I had been feeling the last thirty minutes disappeared. They rose as if they were rejuvenated and ready for the fight. My whole body was game. I shot the loaded arrow right into Victoria's heart.

I dropped the crossbow and my body broke out into a sprint with Victoria's shock she was temporarily pinned to a tree. During my sprint, I grasped the flare gun in my pocket, and fired it off in the air. As Victoria squirmed to pull her figure through the arrow, I picked up Daniel's body. I began to run back to Bella with Daniel in my arms as I saw her shakily pull up the crossbow and load it with the spare arrow that I showed her. _I thought the arrow was supposed to be in my backpack?! _I focused on closing the distance to reach her when I saw her hold the crossbow as I taught her. I looked over my shoulder to see Victoria about to be free from the arrow pinning her to the tree.

_*Click* _The arrow Bella released sailed 2 feet to the left of me and Daniel. I didn't dare to lookback to see if she bought us more time. When Bella smiled, I knew she was successful. _Thank god._

When Bella was a few feet in front of me. I set down Daniel and forced my backpack through Bella's arms. Once secured, I picked up Daniel and thrust him into her arms. Bella's eyes widened in disbelief.

"No time, Bella. Run. Alice will be here with the others when she can. But for now, you are Daniel's only hope." Bella fought back her tears. She knew she couldn't fight me on this.

"I would give my life to keep him safe." Bella turned her back to me and began to run.

"Don't die as well, dummy!" I called after her as I watched her grow farther in the distance. _Now, I just need to buy her time until Alice arrives with backup._

When Bella disappeared from my line of sight, I faced Victoria. _Well, my time is up. _Victoria's eyes were bright red and glowing with a fury I had never witnessed before as she finally pulled through the second arrow. In a flash she was standing in front of me.

"Smart. I would have killed him first. This time it will just be you first, your brother and then Bella. Then Bella can see how you all failed." Victoria flicked her bright red locks over her shoulder before she knocked me to the ground.

"I would have preferred to do this in front of Edward, but I need to catch that twit and runt now." Victoria brought up her left foot and slammed it on my right shin.

The snapping of my bone was unfathomable pain. I screeched in response to the immediate agony. Victoria flashed a toothy grin with my suffering.

"I want a quick appetizer before I enjoy my entrée and dessert." Victoria was quick to her knees as she hovered around my body. "You lost. You _all_ will be dead soon, Jessica," Victoria whispered in my ear before she lowered her mouth to my neck.

I felt tears stream my face as I prayed she was wrong. _Let my death not be in vain._

I felt her incisors begin to break the skin when Victoria's body was no longer hovering over me. _Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Edward. Carlisle. Esme. The wolves. They are all here._ I heard Victoria's screams for once before I blacked out with a peace that my mission in this world was complete.

…

"Jessie?" I heard Daniel's voice whimper my name softly.

I slowly opened my eyelids. I found myself in a hospital room surrounded with numerous bouquets of flowers. A banner that said "My Hero" was sprawled on the wall in front of me over the mounted tv. _What is going on?_

I looked to my left and saw Daniel standing next to the rail of my bed. When our eyes met, Daniel burst into a flood of tears. He instinctively crawled into my bed and wedged himself between the crook of my arm and the bed frame.

"Hey kiddo, it's okay. I am fine." Daniel eventually stopped the water works enough to hold a conversation.

"Can you fill me in on what happened?" I was extremely nervous of what Daniel knew and what lie was concocted to justify my broken leg to the hospital. The cast on my leg that I was increasingly becoming more aware of was growing itchier and itchier. I snuck my index and middle fingers in the cast's lining to relieve the itch as Daniel began his account of what transpired.

What I soon learned was Daniel's version of events 80% corresponded to what an adult would tell me. Daniel was kidnapped by a crazy red headed lady. _Luckily, Victoria had not yet divulged she was a vampire. Whew._ I received the ransom note about Daniel and decided to take it upon myself to rescue him on my own. Bella figured it out and insisted she go with me. We found Daniel and Victoria in the woods. During the confrontation with Victoria, the wolves known to be roaming the woods attacked us. Victoria ran away after she broke my leg. Bella ran for help with Daniel. Victoria is still being "hunted down", and Bella brought back up with Edward and Jacob to retrieve me from the woods.

I expected to see Bella first from the group after I was allowed non-family visitors in the hospital. To my surprise, Alice was the first one. She apologized to me for never revealing in an original vision she had after us walking into the woods, I was killed by Victoria. She knew it was important for me to save Daniel, and that was the only scenario it happened in that she saw. She told me repeatedly she worked her hardest to make sure that was not the outcome because the future in her visions is never set in stone.

I put her at ease informing her she made the choice I would have wanted her to. In that conversation, I almost felt like Alice and I had become_ real _friends. She parted our conversation referring to me as "Jess", and I did not correct her.

Bella was my next visitor and that was the conversation I dreaded most. My most precious secret in this life had to be offered up. It was difficult to explain everything fully. To save us time, I gave her the cliff notes version. Explaining New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn were difficult since event timelines were off and plot shift occurred; my review of Twilight, from what I remembered, really hit home for her. She displayed a stunned expression throughout our entire conversation. I recounted her past and informed her of a future that was a possibility if she wanted it. I didn't go past her and Edward's marriage in Breaking Dawn because I felt she was owed some surprises in her future, if she chose that path.

When I finished her story, I began my own as Katie Smith and who I was. Bella was a good listener. She didn't once interrupt me and saved her questions until the end. I think she most struggled with accepting in my world she was a fictional character. To be kind, I justified to her that reality is not well understood and this world could very well be as real. And maybe someone would read a story about my world too and perceive it as fiction. Though Katie Smith's life would not be an interesting book to write about.

"Why did you intervene with the storyline's progression?" Bella asked me curiously. It was a fair question to ask. One I always wondered to myself.

"I meant to stay away. I guess after Edward broke up with you, that's when I made the conscious decision I could not stand by and watch. I knew you would ultimately be okay, but it was so hard to watch Bella," I spoke softly. "I wonder at times why my fate drew me to here, with you all. And maybe it was for you," I admitted to Bella. Her brown eyes could not hide her puzzlement.

"I think I see some part of myself in you." _My younger self._ "And I couldn't save her, but maybe I can help you. Maybe that's my purpose here as Jessica." Bella was still confused, understandably.

"You know Bella, I always endured but never enjoyed my previous life. I _endured_ my grief. I _endured_ making it through school. I _endured_ making friends that would leave me or having relationships that were unfulfilling. I eventually realized I looked for small tangible things to keep me tethered to that world. Small things. Happy things. One of them, _a big one_, was reading the Twilight series. I found an escape to a world when I could not bear to deal with my own anymore. Reading the books, having the movies to look forward to watching. They saved me in a difficult time when I contemplated if I had anything worth living for. My accomplishments academically meant little to me, and I was struggling to find happiness with just my grandparents and Jenna as my support system. They of course had to deal with their own struggles as well. I was running on empty. You...actually saved me. That distraction helped me withstand one of the darkest periods of my young life." I swallowed the lump rising in my throat at my personal confession.

"This new life that has been granted to me is not something I will waste for now on. I am going to enjoy the family I have here and treasure the friends I make. You should do the same. I want you to know that there is _so much_ more to life than romantic love. Yes, Jacob and Edward are great, but live first. Then maybe look back at these relationships and see if you want them. You have so much you can do and be. Be the heroine I always imagined you would be in your own life story. Now, I can't tell you what to do. But I ask you to really think about what you're missing out on if you go down the path that will always be there for you. Think on it." I smiled sadly at Bella as I saw her digest everything I told her. After a minute passed, she headed to the entrance of my room. Before she crossed the threshold, I called to her.

"I can't force you not to tell anyone else, but I think it's best if the knowledge of what I know is kept between us. I trust you to make the ultimate decision if you tell or not." Bella offered me a blank stare as she nodded her head and proceeded to leave my room.

"Bella!" I called after her once more. She stopped once again and turned to me. "I…Thank you. Because of you, Daniel was saved. You are my hero. Thank you."

…

My next visitor was Edward. His entrance in my room somehow provided a soothing atmosphere despite his nervous demeanor. He now knew I knew.

"How long have you known?" Edward asked as he sat down in the chair next to my bed. I was ready for the question though. The one hitch to keep my plan from sticking was if Bella revealed the truth to him or the others.

"During a sleep over at Bella's. After I settled her down from her nightmare, she began to talk in her sleep. She revealed enough that I was able to draw conclusions on my own with the more time I spent with you and Jacob." My other gamble was Edward believing Bella could sleep talk. He had watched over her many nights, that I knew he would dismiss my assertion if it was not feasible. He just nodded his head in response. I sighed internally that my bet paid off.

"Why did you not say anything to me after all the time we spent together? Why did you pretend not to know?" Edward's golden eyes fixated on my cast that was propped on a pillow on the bed.

"Well...it wasn't my secret to meddle in. If you wanted me to know, you would have told me I assumed. So, I figured going forward pretending I was ignorant was my best option. Plus, it seems the vampire world can be a bit...chaotic. As proven by me getting pulled into the most recent mess and involving Daniel. What I don't understand though is why Victoria targeted me as a friend of Bella's. It doesn't make sense. After everything Bella told me, she should have been the only target. Why I became one alludes me."

Edward shifted his head down and folded his hands together in his lap. It must have been my imagination, but I sensed an aura of guilt around him.

"Well, it doesn't matter now," I justified to relieve his burden. "What's done is done. Now everything can go back to normal as before." I offered Edward an encouraging smile.

"Can it really though?" Edward asked barely above a whisper toward the ground.

"Why not? I understand you and Jacob only were around me to protect me from Victoria these last two months. Now, you no longer have to shoulder that burden. You are relieved from having to spend time with me and force yourself to be my friend. I am accepting of that. I appreciate what you and your family did to protect me during that time."

Edward's head immediately shot up. An indescribable emotion dominated the golden iris of his eyes. Looking into them partially frightened me in that moment.

"That's what you really think? We were **forced** to be around you?" His voice grew louder with each syllable in his second question. I was perplexed by his question. I could not figure out any other reasons to warrant the amount of time they had spent in my presence over the last few weeks.

"What else am I to think? I thought we were friends until Bella let it slip you were watching us at the house for signs of Victoria. Then everything fell into place for me to understand."

"Do you really not know how people perceive you? Why people want to spend time with you?" Edward darkly laughed to himself when he finished. His hidden joke went over my head. I shook my head in response to answer his questions.

"You...bring out the best in us. Make us feel special. Each person you spend time with. And you can't even see it, is the sad part. By being who you are, you attract people to you. You inspire something that I don't recognize. Which is why I have been drawn to get closer to you..._as a friend_," Edward softly admitted. I detected a slight hint of sadness in his tone at the end of his speech.

"Why? How? I am just being me." I was confounded by what he told me. There was nothing special about what I was doing. I _really_ was just being myself. Katie Smith.

"And that's all we need." Edward finally shed his dark demeanor and let a beautiful smile play across his face.

And thus, I officially became friends with a vampire from a fictional universe I was inhabiting.

"I am glad my assumption was wrong. I am sorry I jumped to conclusions without giving you the benefit of the doubt, or at least offering you to share your side of things. I value you for who you are to me. Being a vampire doesn't take away from who you are, you know. The body is only a shell, Edward."

"And what am I to you?" Edward asked inquisitively. Each word left his voice carefully.

"You're my friend of course, Edward Cullen," I informed him confidently. Edward's lips slightly curled up despite his eyes not matching his mouth's portrayal.

"Good. I am glad we are friends, Jessica. Now let's talk about why you had this stupid plan to not involve me in reaching Daniel and almost got yourself killed..."

...

Jacob came to visit the day when I was to be released to go home. My leg was on the mend in the cast, but I had to remain my stay until my psych evaluation period ended. I had to prove I could process the "trauma" I faced on rescuing Daniel. When the therapist left my room, I was very relieved to see Jacob Black. I knew he could be my well needed comic relief after once again insisting to the doc _I was fine_.

"Get me outta here!" I playfully requested of him after he crossed into my room. He rolled his eyes in response before he took the seat by my bedside.

"No laughs from me, Jessica. I am pissed off at you." I raised my eyebrows and could not hide my confusion.

"What? Why?"

"That little stunt you pulled almost got you killed!" Jacob admonished me roughly. His dark brown eyes raged with fury.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "It was worth it. Daniel is safe now," I huffed at Jacob.

"What about your life?" Jacob asked me harshly. Jacob stood up and began pacing the area by the foot of my bed.

"Inconsequential compared to Daniel's. I won't apologize for doing what I thought was right to save my brother," I snapped at Jacob. He stopped pacing back and forth and redirected his attention to me. He laser focused in on my face. When I took the time to assess his own, I did not see the irritation I expected to. He was distressed. _What is he thinking?_

"I…Jessica, when I saw that bloodsucker about to sink her teeth in you, I almost felt something in me snap. I don't know what it was, but it _was something_. I would have never forgiven myself if your heart stopped beating by death or turning into a damn vampire. You are…a precious friend to me. You are too god damn young to die. Don't pull that shit again. I understand why you felt you needed to…" Jacob walked to the right side of my bed and took my hand. "You don't have to take on the world alone. You have others here to support you. Me included. How would I get on without "A-game" Jessica's advice after all? You turned me around from a lost cause to real contender for Bella's heart." I bellowed a hearty laugh at Jacob's optimism.

Jacob finally grinned at me and released my hand. "Sam was kind of pissed you now know our secret too…but I know we can trust you. We are friends after all. I have your back and you have mine." I smiled at Jacob and nodded. He rubbed my head before he told me he had to meet up with the pack but would come to visit me later on.

…

I nervously walked to the podium facing the senior class of 2006 of Fork's High School. A couple whistles from my peers encouraged me to take a deep breath before I unfolded the 8x11 paper sheet from my sweating palms. On my exhale, I blew the tassel out of my face. _Here goes nothing._

"Here we are my fellow classmates. Class of '06! Our future is in front of us. Nothing is written in stone. We carve our own path. _Okay_, now that I got a minor touch of clichés out of the way in this speech, let me get down to the real deal. Everyone has their own unique individual story to tell. If I can leave you with one parting bit of advice, be the protagonist in your own story. Don't sideline life or let is pass you by. There is so much potential in this world, to do and see. Not everyone can 'carpe diem' every second of their life. It is not realistic. I _just implore _you to live. Love your family. Treasure your friendships. Do your best. Be authentic to yourself. We live in a crazy world, but what is really crazy is not exploring what we can." In my long pause, I found each good friend I had in the audience before I continued on. _Angela. Eric. Mike. Jacob. Edward. Alice. Bella._

"I will _never _forget the friends I have made here. Life should not be measured by the length but the depth. And I have observed so much depth to it in this past senior year. I hope we all can value what we have. We don't get a second chance. But I can tell you if I did, I would be on the path I am now." I refolded the paper in my hands as the audience broke into a loud cheer. The largest section of it coming from my classmates.

The rest of graduation passed by in a blur. While it was _technically_ my fourth graduation ceremony in my life, I felt blessed for once during one of them. I still felt uneasy not understanding how I ended up in this Twilight Universe or what happened to me as Katie Smith. I still severely missed Jenna, but I knew if we were in opposite roles, I would want her to live happily and be alive rather than be dead. I let that drive me forward in my new life as Jessica Stanley.

The Cullen's graduation party was insane. My fellow classmates were being rowdy, and I was letting loose and joining them in the fun as well. I had just folded my hand in a game of poker to Angela when Bella approached me.

I followed Bella upstairs. She led me into a room I assumed was Edward's based on my memory from the Twilight movie. After she closed the door, she began.

"Jessica, I am sorry I have basically ignored you up to this point. What you told me…it was overwhelming and made me question a lot of things." I nodded at Bella to continue.

"I knew I was going to come talk to you eventually before I left to Florida this summer, but after hearing your speech today, I was inspired to move up the timeline."

Bella proceeded to unload a lot of her frustration and confusion over the Twilight Saga plot. She professed she was not thrilled about playing into a storyline. Especially when she felt she had a choice after how much my role diverted what was _supposed_ to happen. She confessed that she was planning on taking a break from Edward. She said while she thought more on her future, she also realized Edward's behavior towards her shifted when he returned the second semester of our senior school year. She slowly felt less and less of a hunger for him to be by her side. Bella also informed me this did not mean Jacob had a chance. She wanted to work on herself and figure out what she wanted out of life. I was happy she told me our adventure encouraged her to find her voice. She wanted to be a protagonist and not a damsel in distress.

What astounded me most in our conversation was when she told me she was going to the University of Washington in the fall. Before we left Edward's bedroom to return to the party, we exchanged emails with a promise to keep in touch before we saw each other again in the spring semester.

* * *

From: BellaSwan06

To: DontcallmeJESSxoxo

Date: 6-22-2006

Subject: Florida

It's hot. If I am not constantly slathered in sunscreen, I burn. I guess I should feel lucky I at least don't sparkle in the sun though…

* * *

From: DontcallmeJESSxoxo

To: BellaSwan06

Date: 6-22-2006

Subject: Re: Florida

Wear sunscreen ALL THE TIME or layer up. Higher skin cancer awareness by the general public is around the corner. Trust me.

P.s. I saw Jacob recently. Please respond to his emails or texts before I go crazy!

* * *

From: BellaSwan06

To: DontcallmeJESSxoxo

Date: 6-28-2006

Subject: Mom is crazy

When I told my mom about your plans to go to Europe this fall, she told me I should have done the same. I told her with what money and she…offered to pay for me to fly out during thanksgiving break since we get the whole week off. So, what do you think? Would you mind my company during your trip in November?

P.s. Texted Jacob. He should be satisfied. How is he _really_ doing? I still haven't heard from Edward. Just Alice.

* * *

From: DontcallmeJESSxoxo

To: BellaSwan06

Date: 7-1-2006

Subject: Re: Mom is crazy

YES! That would be amazing for us to meet up. Just let me know when and I will make it happen. I am really happy you'll be coming out to join me.

P.s. Jacob is fine. Still pining over you of course haha. He will live though. Promise! Edward has emailed me once so far. It was simple. A check-in he was still alive. I think he still has a lot to figure out. Give him time and I know he will reach out. I am sure this is very hard for him. I have hung out with Alice and Jasper a few times this summer. They seem to be doing well.

* * *

From: BellaSwan06

To: DontcallmeJESSxoxo

Date: 7-4-2006

Subject: Happy Fourth

I will call you to coordinate booking my flight. I have been wanting to ask this for a while now and only feel brave doing it over email.

When you gave me your "pep talk" during lunch when you asked if I ever had anyone leave me who didn't want to leave me…you were drawing on your experience of your parents/grandparents, right? You didn't have much time with your parents, so why do you miss them so much? Especially with how it impacted you to the level it did when your grandparents raised you?

P.s. Sorry if I overstepped. I was just curious.

* * *

From: DontcallmeJESSxoxo

To: BellaSwan06

Date: 8-6-2006

Subject: Re: Happy Fourth

I am glad we got your flight booked. I am really looking forward to us meeting while overseas. Because I am chicken, I have put off to answering your question before I fly out tomorrow. I know, conveniently before you return to Forks before heading to your first semester of school.

You are right. I was drawing on that experience. I hardly remember my parents to be honest. What they said to me or what memories we shared. Vividly I can remember how I felt with them. Loved. Happy. Safe. It was close, but never quite the same with my grandparents. I never felt like it was something I would have the opportunity to feel again. That unconditional type of love. Then in this life…I have the Stanley's. And I felt it again. The love your parent can have for you is one-of-a kind. That is what I believe at least. I love my grandparents and everything they did for me and Jenna. But it was never the same to be honest.

I don't know my ability to email while on my trip. My parents provided me a preloaded calling card, so I'll call you when I can to check in and plan our meet up when it comes closer to that time.

* * *

...

It was a cold winter in Forks as I crossed the street to arrive at the coffee shop Bella and I planned to meet up at on this Christmas Eve.

I walked in to seeing Bella wrapped in a large sweater while she blew off the steam rising on her cup of hot chocolate. When she saw me, she smiled.

"Jessica!" She waved enthusiastically as I roamed to the table she was sitting at. I blew my warm breath into my bear hands as I walked towards her.

"Who else is coming?" I asked as I plopped next to her in the booth she staked out.

"Angela, Mike, Eric, Alice, Jasper…" I watched Bella's eyes light up as she was about to continue. "Jacob and Edward too."

"Both!?" I exclaimed through a jovial laugh. Bella blushed and brought her hands to her cheeks to hide her blush.

"I still haven't found any other boys who have compared, Jessica! I told you this during our trip!" She exclaimed in her defense.

"Sure, sure. I introduced you to a many of foreign boys who were fascinated with American girls, but still none could compare of course." I elbowed her shoulder as I witnessed her blush deepen to a dark shade of red. One that could not be attributed to the cold weather.

I decided to ease up on my teasing of Bella. "It will be great to see everyone before my first _"real"_ semester of school starts."

Bella scoffed at me in response. I knew she had no sympathy. I was pursuing the same degree again. But this time, I was additionally going after a minor in business to invest in some _stocks_ I was confident would pay off in the future.

"On a serious note though…" Bella looked up to me as she blew off the steam rising from the mug in her hands. "I am glad we are friends, Bella. I never could have imagined us being here when I first woke up as Jessica Stanley, but I take comfort that it was in this universe I got my second chance in."

We then eagerly waited for all of our friends to join us. And I looked forward to the new tangent of the Twilight Saga I was embarking on, with my whole life in front of me.

* * *

**Scroll to the end of this chapter for a preview of the sequel.**

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**Authors Note:**

***In the email exchange this chapter, the Fanfic Format would not let me add anything to finish the fake email addresses after the "at" sign. So I apologize that was not more realistic looking***

_Dear readers,_

_I hope even though some of you were sad the story was ending, you can enjoy you have a lot to read with this ending(s) ;) I struggled knowing how much further I could take it with keeping readers in the dark about the underlying reveal of each ending. I personally didn't feel like revealing this major plot point fitted well until the end. Also, I feared if I stretched the story on too long, I would never finish it. __I am terrible at finishing things__. Which I never want to do with this account on Fanfic. And while the inspiration was here, I desired to end it all on a high note :)_

_After chapter three, the only thing I had planned was my intended ending being three different options. Originally four- I had a Mike ending but decided to scrap it.__Each chapter was written completely on whim. I always reread chapters and edited minor things from my first post along the way. This kept the plot fresh in my mind so I could make connections to things I wrote earlier on. A lot of it wasn't planned, but I just happened to make something up that made the stars align to a previous plot point. It was pretty cool to me. I always enjoy stories the come full circle to a certain degree. I did keep in mind that I needed to leave bread crumbs and divvy up time spent with characters to make three plausible endings. Hopefully I did enough to make each ending believable._

_This story was made possible by reviewers on my first chapter.__ My first two stories I posted on Fanfic had a purpose, so it didn't bother me they didn't get a lot of attention or reviews. I was doing them for myself. The premise of this story was inspired by a manga I was reading about this high school girl who was hit and killed and reincarnated as a villain in an romance game she had played a lot where you chose your path of which love interest you wanted to end up with. Her only objective was to avoid the bad ending where her character was killed. The other option was banishment. So, she worked hard to be on good terms with the romance characters/future friends of the protagonist to avoid the bad ending of her death. What she was oblivious to on her journey was how all the characters eventually were drawn to her character and she had become the protagonist despite always thinking she was the villain still. The manga isn't done yet, but I am 100% certain it will end with her being friends with everyone and not choosing a love interest. I thought that is cool, but also the romantic in me still would want to see what it would look like if she took a romantic path. She had a lot of good options too lol Hence why my ending had different versions. I also had recently watched Twilight on TV and I got this idea of what if a girl was reincarnated at Jessica. I wrote the chapter in 5 hours and posted it on a whim on FanFic. I told myself if no one reviews it or it gets blasted for sucking, well it wasn't something I was super passionate about. Just an idea. I was thrilled with the feedback I got. Then I grew courage to figure out "Okay, what happens next?" And that's how each chapter went. And I began to become passionate about this story. Thank you to all my reviewers who encouraged my writing and appreciated it. __It's not the most elegant or descriptive, but I feel it captures raw emotion and relationship growth.__ I always giggled when I read reviewers who speculated who Jessica would end up with. I hope the ending you wanted Team Jacob/Team No one/Team Edward was satisfying and realistic. Much love to all my readers, followers, and those who have favorited this little humble story. I hope you enjoyed the journey as well. Until next time!_

_P.s. __ I hope everyone reading this were satisfied AT LEAST with one of the three endings…if none, well I at least enjoyed them. LOL_

_-Lalaland972_

_Lalaland972's Response to Reviews from Ch 12-1/12-2 listed alphabetically:_

**angelacorus:** YESSS! I hoped you would enjoy the Jacob ending. Maybe a wedding in the possible sequel though. Thank you for all your reviews during this story and sticking with me!

**brankel1:** Thank you for your reviews for this story and sharing your take on each chapter. :) I am glad you enjoyed 12-1 and 12-2. I hope that streak continues for 12-3!

**DxGrayxMan:** I knew you would lean that way! I am glad I did that ending justice for you! Thank you for all your reviews on this story!

**Hmz0975: **Thank you for all your reviews during this story! I am glad you enjoyed both endings and appreciated my take on splitting it up into three alternatives. It is sad for Edward in 12-2, but I think as we know Alice's visions are never set in stone so he still has a chance for a romantic future. Just not with Jessica anymore. I hope you enjoyed the last installment of this story!

**JustMePMM**: Wow…what a compliment that I could sway you to enjoying 12-2 more! I appreciate all your reviews of each chapter of this story and letting me know your thoughts! I hope you enjoyed this last installment of this story! :)

**Maroaxyd02**: If I do a sequel, the topic of her revealing the truth of who she is will be explored! I just wanted to finish the story as a standalone incase I ruined it with more expansion tbh! Lol So…be sure to keep your eyes out for that possibility! Thank you for your reviews!

**Pacman**: Lol thank you for the comments as your read through this story! I hope you also found ending 12-3 not bad : )

**Twilightstuff:** I am glad you loved it! In 12-1 ending, I like to leave that up to the reader unless I do a sequel that explains my take on what happen/reactions. This chapter we get a bit of that, but only from Bella's take.

**Yukio00:** Yukio! I am glad you enjoyed this book! :D Thank you for your awesome review and detailing to me what you enjoyed. I am always thrilled receiving such feedback! I hope you enjoyed this last chapter as well!

**Wolcen:** Thank for you for all your reviews of this story! I think she does tell them, eventually. I like your perspective on the endings. Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts/insight. If I do the sequel, that will definitely be ventured down how it's taken by Jacob/Edward. I like the open ending of this story though that leaves it to the reader's determination of if/how that happens.

**Wpear:** Lol! I liked your review on 12-1. I am glad you enjoyed that chapter even when you're not an Edward fan! I wasn't a fan of Jacob's ending in the series either. I am elated you like this Jessica that much! I hope she continued to earn your favor in this chapter! I am not sure where I would take her romantically from 12-3 for a sequel. It would definitely be a challenge to come up with a worthy love interest : ) Thank you for your reviews!

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**"Jessica's Happily Ever After?"**

**Chapter 1**

**[Friendship Ending cont'd]**

**Defining Friendship**

Mike, Eric and Angela took off first from our table. Then Alice and Jasper exchanged not so subtle glances at one another before leaving our presence as well. Bella and I remained with Edward and Jacob sitting across from us in the booth.

"I would have preferred to hand these out without the bloodsucker's presence," Jacob flicked his eyes to Edward and delivered a glare, "but I need to get going home as well." Jacob reached into his coat pocket and pulled out two small jewelry boxes. _Oh dear. I do not even know what to expect. I hope he didn't spend too much money on this. _

Edward muffled a laugh as Jacob slid the boxes across the sticky table to our hands. Bella and I both apprehensively accepted the boxes. I hesitated to open the ribbon on my box before I ashamedly admitted to all, "I didn't get anyone anything. I am pretty poor right now after my trip." I was about to give the box back out of guilt. But Jacob insisted I keep it and he didn't mind I didn't have anything for him.

Bella reached into her purse and brought out three hand knitted scarves. Blue for me. Green for Edward. Black for Jacob. "Merry Christmas guys," Bella spoke shyly.

I stared in awe at the scarf sprawled across my hands that matched the color of my eyes, was knit with love, and looked like it was made by a 7-year-old. And I loved it. I cheerfully wrapped it around my neck before I embraced Bella in a hug of thanks.

"Ah-hem." Jacob loudly cleared his throat to remind us that his presents were still unopened. I giggled at his impatience. Jacob and Edward both said their thanks to Bella as we opened our boxes.


End file.
